Notre Dame Unveils New Uniform, Induces Nationwide Vomitting
13 years ago

There is nothing I hate more than when Notre Dame is in the news. I don’t give a flying fuck how prestigious their football program was back in the 1800’s. When is the last time they were relevant? I’ll tell you: Rudy. At least he moved on with his life and helped Frodo destroy the ring of power. For fuck’s sake, Notre Dame’s last National Championship came under the coaching reign of Lou Holtz. Yeah, he’s the guy on ESPN with such an intense slur that even his fellow sportscasters are worried he’s having a massive stroke every time he speaks. Cool football program.

Moving on, the overhyped Fighting Irish have unveiled a new uniform that will be worn on October 6 against Miami (Fla.) at Soldier Field in Chicago. It’s hideous, and somewhere Maryland football is having the high-five party of the decade.

“Fuck yes! Now we aren’t the only ones with unis designed by a schizophrenic 5-year-old,” said a Maryland player, probably.

How did they go from their simplistic, timeless uniforms to this? I’m not a doctor. I have no fucking idea.






“The players absolutely love the uniforms designed by Adidas for this game and they will help make it a memorable night,” Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly said in a statement.

Don’t fucking lie to me, Kelly. Either you recruited a bunch of players that are as blind as Helen Keller, and things are even worse than suspected, or your players hate these fucking uniforms just as much as I do.

I can’t even take this hardcore Adidas commercial seriously:

  4. Tallapoosa Snu

    I’m the only person ever who thinks Maryland’s uniforms are actually kind of cool, and I’ve never even been there, much less rooted for their football team

    13 years ago at 10:50 am
    1. Virginia Gentleman

      ^ I’m having a very difficult time making any reasonable sense out of this statement.

      13 years ago at 10:15 am
    5. _Bro beans_

      ^ Are you really Will Ferrell? Or are you just saying that you’re Will Ferrell?

      13 years ago at 5:58 pm
    6. Yo Soy Fiesta

      ^ I think the real Will Ferrel would have thought of a funnier name, but just in case ^^ answer his question.

      13 years ago at 6:33 pm
  8. TrickleDown

    It’s just the helmet that’s not simplistic. The uniform itself is pretty simple looking still. I don’t know. Seems fine to me. Other than Oregon I really can’t think of a hideous jersey.

    13 years ago at 11:34 am
    1. jmt

      Georgia’s Power Ranger jerseys from last year? And this is coming from a die hard UGA fan.

      13 years ago at 12:35 pm
    2. Minnebrota Brophers

      Georgia’s jerseys were brutal, Boise State’s were decent. These ND ones would be cool without the re.tard helmet.

      13 years ago at 12:58 pm
  9. JoshBird22

    Fuck that uniform. The all gold helmet was the signature piece of Notre Dame’s uniform and now its gone. The only reason anyone even sort of likes Notre Dame is because of Rudy.

    13 years ago at 11:46 am
  10. duckdog

    The best thing about College Football (aside from it being Football) is the tradition. Quit fucking with the uniforms already.

    13 years ago at 1:23 pm
    1. grandfrat

      ‘Bama’s uniforms have been working for some time now. Maybe they should take some advice from the South.

      13 years ago at 4:33 pm
  11. NaNaNaNa FRATman

    I’ve yet to see one single acceptable new college uniform. They all look like they’ve been designed after taking the suggestions from a focus group containing 12 year olds. I mean goddammit. Stop fucking up.

    13 years ago at 1:56 pm
    1. jmt

      12 years old would be about 3/5 of a college students age, so maybe they’re designing them for the right demographic.

      13 years ago at 2:17 pm