Notre Dame Unveils New Uniform, Induces Nationwide Vomitting
13 years ago

There is nothing I hate more than when Notre Dame is in the news. I don’t give a flying fuck how prestigious their football program was back in the 1800’s. When is the last time they were relevant? I’ll tell you: Rudy. At least he moved on with his life and helped Frodo destroy the ring of power. For fuck’s sake, Notre Dame’s last National Championship came under the coaching reign of Lou Holtz. Yeah, he’s the guy on ESPN with such an intense slur that even his fellow sportscasters are worried he’s having a massive stroke every time he speaks. Cool football program.

Moving on, the overhyped Fighting Irish have unveiled a new uniform that will be worn on October 6 against Miami (Fla.) at Soldier Field in Chicago. It’s hideous, and somewhere Maryland football is having the high-five party of the decade.

“Fuck yes! Now we aren’t the only ones with unis designed by a schizophrenic 5-year-old,” said a Maryland player, probably.

How did they go from their simplistic, timeless uniforms to this? I’m not a doctor. I have no fucking idea.






“The players absolutely love the uniforms designed by Adidas for this game and they will help make it a memorable night,” Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly said in a statement.

Don’t fucking lie to me, Kelly. Either you recruited a bunch of players that are as blind as Helen Keller, and things are even worse than suspected, or your players hate these fucking uniforms just as much as I do.

I can’t even take this hardcore Adidas commercial seriously:

  2. PiattRunkle

    So much for their traditional look. I bet Penn State is next with Sandusky’s penis etched on the helmets.

    13 years ago at 2:33 pm
  4. Joran van der Frat

    This Oregon-ification of college football has to stop and it has to stop now.

    13 years ago at 2:40 pm
    2. GoDawgs37

      FuckY’all!! I’m probably going to be working for Ivy Leaguers in my future but as of right now I am having more fun then you are, YA.!

      13 years ago at 12:43 pm
  6. FRATlantic Gentleman

    Huge Notre Dame fan, and my initial reaction was wtf. I doubt I’ll get used to these uniforms. Oh, and fuck all you Irish haters.

    13 years ago at 5:24 pm
    1. timmer

      notre lame doesn’t have greek life so you are one of those lame ass shitbags that is probably a fan for absolutely no reason. I’m an Irish Catholic and i despise that team with all my being, so don’t try to use that as an excuse. and i don’t care if your dad or uncle or girlfriends cousin went there. fuck notre dame and their gay ass fan base

      13 years ago at 9:13 am
    2. Teddy__Brosevelt

      Nike’s only good because of the child labor. Their hands are just so much smaller, so you can get smaller, tighter, more high-quality stitching.

      13 years ago at 8:06 pm
  9. HarveySpecter

    I would like to preface this by saying Notre Dame is a dogshit program and I hate them. With that said, the golden helmets were the only good tradition left for these mouth-breathing mongoloids. Granted I wont miss watching a shitty 5 minunte pre-game segment about how theyre specially painted before every rivalry game, I still cant help myself from feeling disappointed that another classic program has turned to these gimicky jersies. Im sure the team of trained monkeys is thrilled with the new design but the old-timey alumni base has to be shitting their depends with rage. If they keep trying to appease those savages, touchdown Jesus will end up decked out in a FUBU robe with Colt .45 in one hand and Kentucky Fried in the other. That is all.

    13 years ago at 6:45 am
  11. goingtotheBAR

    Uniforms aren’t that bad but, the helmets look like golden cum-stained rags.

    13 years ago at 8:56 am