O.J. Simpson Trying to Sell the Knife That Killed Nicole Brown for $5 Million Dollars

Even as a young kid I was well aware of the O.J. Simpson trial and what was going on. It also helped that my parents are both attorneys, so they were obviously fascinated by the trial. I even remember having serious conversations about it with them…sort of.


Me: Mom why is the funny guy who always gets hurt in the Naked Gun movies in court?

Mom: People think he brutally murdered his ex-wife and her “friend.”

Me: So he’s not going to be in anymore Naked Gun movies?

Mom: We’re going to get you tested for a learning disability.

Me: Can we get Gushers too?


But really, even then it was obvious to young me that O.J. had committed the crimes, and it had been ever since the infamous car chase. Innocent people don’t run from the police, except for me all those times I’ve run from the police. Unfortunately for Nearly Headless Nicole and her “friend” Ron Goldman, O.J.’s guilt was not obvious enough to the jury that heard the case, and thus “The Juice” was allowed to remain loose. Even if it wasn’t apparent to twelve oblivious men in 1994 that O.J. Simpson slashed through his ex-wife and the waiter she was totally banging like they were a running lane, it probably became so to them and any other doubter’s of O.J.’s guilt when he released a book in 2006 entitled “If I Did It.” The book, written by Simpson, detailed how he would have murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman, you know, if it had been him doing it instead of…I don’t know, some Puerto Rican guy?. That’s pretty much the equivalent of one of the men suspected of being Jack the Ripper releasing a catalog of charcoal sketches entitled “What an Eviscerated Dead Hooker Probably Looks Like.” If that book wasn’t a surefire sign of O.J.’s guilt then I don’t know what else could be.

Oh wait, yeah I do.

O.J. Simpson never threw away the knife that was allegedly used to kill estranged wife, Nicole Brown, and he’s now trying to sell it to a collector, according to a shocking report in the new issue of the National Enquirer.

Almost two decades after the gruesome double murders that captivated the nation, the former NFL hero — who is currently serving time for a Nevada armed robbery — is reportedly trying to profit from his alleged cold–blooded crime by negotiating a $5 million deal, an insider told the Enquirer.

You know what? Forget the fact that O.J. is selling the knife. Dude murdered two people and is pretty clearly a psychopath. This should be expected. The better question is, who THE FUCK is this collector? If the guy buys this knife then what? Congratulations on dropping five million on the world’s creepiest interesting fact, I guess. There are so many better ways to spend $5 million. For example, give that money to charity. Or maybe get that five million in cash, put it in a giant pile outside a charity’s headquarters, and light it on fire while pointing and laughing at the charity. That’s still better than giving that money to O.J. Simpson.

“O.J. wants the deal to be a well-kept secret,” confided the source.


“He’s looking for a strictly cash deal so that the money can be deposited in offshore accounts and can’t be traced directly to him.”

Whoops again.

Selling the knife that was in all likelihood used to murder Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman may be one of the most outrageous and fucked up things to come from the O.J. Simpson murder case yet. That is at least until Kim Kardashian admits in a future biography that her love of black athletes was first cultivated when was fourteen years old, while O.J. was staying at her father’s house just after the murders. I can’t wait for that one.



  1. Pee Buttermore

    Of course you would take gushers over fruit roll ups you fuckin queer #Teamdorn

    12 years ago at 11:27 am

      When I was really little I thought if you ate gushers it would turn your head into an animal head.

      12 years ago at 11:48 am
    1. LadyFratAdviser

      Bacon, why don’t you go report on tampons if you can’t use credible sources for stories on here

      12 years ago at 1:32 pm
  2. DrFratlove

    Gays get married and have kids all the time, (see Tom Cruise). Just because they are gay doesn’t mean their semen swims the opposite direction…or does it?

    12 years ago at 5:42 am