Halloween Costumes That Will Offend Everyone
Yeah, the Bias Education Response Team sounds like something out of Cold War Era Russia. But if a school like the University of Florida (and, let’s be real, every other school awash in liberal tears, which is every other school) finds it important to create an administrative arm to deal with typical college-aged douchebaggery, then we might as well make sure that our tuition money, and all that middle-management, doesn’t go to waste.
With that in mind I wanted to help you guys out with some wildly offensive costume ideas. It’s an easy way to make a splash at that Halloween Party coming up. And since there’s someone manning the hotline 24/7, we might as well make sure they’re being put to work.
1. Someone with an opinion
Do you have an opinion? Is it different than someone else’s opinion? Congratulations, you’re Hitler.
2. Police Officer
Someone might feel so threatened by your costume that they call the actual police on you. The irony would absolutely be lost on them.
3. A white guy
4. Kim Kardashian being robbed at gun point
Actually, anything with a gun. Fuck it, just go dressed as a gun.
5. Clowns
6. Gluten
7. A zoo keeper with a gun
Gun + dead endangered species + potential to also be mistaken as racist (because anything is racist if you believe hard enough) = trigger city.
8. Harambe
Because apparently Harambe references are micro-aggressions
9. Donald Trump
10. Bill Clinton
11. Someone who conforms to traditional gender norms
Maybe call the costume “Penis Hitler.”
12. A Christian
It’s a conservative, patriarchal religion, and openly practicing that faith is akin to being a serial daycare arsonist nowadays.
13. An “All Lives Matter” Protestor
15. An athlete
Because locker room talk “has GOT to go.” Plus, you’ll be body shaming everyone who isn’t fit enough to be an athlete. Actually, it’s technically ableism too.
16. Jerry Sandusky
A guy whose locker room talk everyone can agree was a bit much.
17. Bill Cosby
18. A guy in a fraternity
Pretty easy. Just grab your letters. Try not to serve anyone drinks so you don’t get arrested.
19. A Republican
20. Kim Jong Un
21. A Syrian
22. Vladimir Putin
23. He-Man
Traditional masculinity pisses off everyone, though this costume might end up being incredibly well-liked when most people (rightly) assume you’re gay.
24. Colin Kaepernick
Yeah your night will definitely end with either a fist fight or a social media public shaming by a complete stranger..
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you can’t fool us with a different username, Wally
8 years ago at 10:37 amWere you triggered by this list?
8 years ago at 10:42 amI’m pretty sure this is tony. He changed his name awhile ago.
8 years ago at 10:42 amI try to avoid using my first name. My advisor started catching on that I contribute after this one: https://totalfratmove.wpengine.com/she-had-a-p-on-her-t-part-2/
8 years ago at 8:50 pmAs did my ex-girlfriend. And her little.
8 years ago at 8:55 pmHopefully they don’t recognize themselves in this confession…
8 years ago at 11:02 pmIf they’re average readers, then it appears his new pseudonym has them baffled.
8 years ago at 11:30 amPlausible deniability is a wondrous thing. The internet’s a great, big place.
8 years ago at 12:22 pmI think it was SFPL
8 years ago at 11:31 amGet rid of Wally
8 years ago at 12:53 pmChick in the picture seems fun
8 years ago at 10:49 amYou don’t deserve minimum wage
8 years ago at 11:02 amWould someone who read this summarize it for me?
8 years ago at 11:13 amEverything offends everyone
8 years ago at 11:29 amBe anything other than white, conservative, or alive.
8 years ago at 11:32 amWe need a SparkNotes Pledge who will read the articles and summarize them for everyone else.
8 years ago at 12:16 pmYou see…being dead is also offensive.
8 years ago at 3:23 pmI think he’s telling us to be ourselves.
8 years ago at 2:19 pmAny word from Regs? Did he making a killing in Vegas or is he selling blood and plasma as a way to get back to Austin? I’m assuming no one would pay for his sperm…..
8 years ago at 11:30 amThe cholesterol level renders his blood unsellable.
8 years ago at 12:17 pmAfter last week, you’d think Grandex would start by putting their best foot forward this week. You would be wrong.
8 years ago at 11:34 amThis is stupid.
8 years ago at 12:08 pmSo I understand Regs is gone but what about Babe of the Day? You’re still updating the instagram so why can no one manage to pull those girls over for Babe of the Day? It’s like 6 mouse-clicks and is a heavy driver of traffic to the site but clearly you fucking cuntwagons hate anything bordering on logic or decency. I might even start listening to the podcasts again because it brings me joy to listen to your sad, monotone voices nervously try not to betray the fact that you are all very aware that your business is crumbling. You are what is wrong with America. Unfocused, spineless, sad people copy-and-pasting all day, trying to convince yourselves that you have a career. Eat shit you fucking grundle-warblers.
8 years ago at 12:36 pmAtleast we got fail friday.
8 years ago at 12:47 pmGet rid of Wally
8 years ago at 12:53 pmGet rid of this guy too
8 years ago at 5:10 pmThought this was gonna be good; it wasn’t.
8 years ago at 1:28 pm