Ohio Man Arrested For Boning A Van
An Ohio Man was arrested on Tuesday for laying pipe on a parked van.
From The Marion Star:
DAYTON, Ohio — A Dayton man was arrested Tuesday after he allegedly tried to have sexual intercourse with a van.
Police responded to a report that a man with his pants down was swinging from a stop sign on Tuesday evening, WDTN-TV reported.
When officers arrived, they found Michael Henson, who appeared to be intoxicated, walking around wearing only gym shorts and shoes.
A woman who called police told officers she saw Henson standing near a parked van. She said Henson pulled his shorts down and placed his genitals in the front grill of the van, WDTN reports.
Michael, you dawg! Just one of those nights, amirite? We’ve all been there. When you first see that big, rusty van parked across the street, you tell yourself, “No way in hell would I stick my dick in that hooptie.” Then, after six or seven or eight drinks, that homely Plymouth starts to look like a Ferrari Enzo. Next thing ya know, you’re balls deep in the grill, thrusting away with your hands on the hood.
The witness said Henson continued his actions with the van for a while before he passed out in a nearby yard.
Henson is charged with public indecency, according to WDTN.
Hitting it then passing out immediately afterwards? Too classic.
Some guys get hammered, then wake up after fucking a big ol’ van and say, “Ohh shit I can’t believe I banged a motor vehicle that gross.” But some guys like ’em thick and worn — every group has at least one guy who’s a known Jalopy-Chaser. I don’t judge. Large vans are known for giving great headroom.
**UPDATE**
The van has just given birth to happy, healthy, 5-ton baby boy:
Congrats to Michael and Van..
[via The Marion Star]
Image via YouTube
His mugshot answers every question I was going to ask
8 years ago at 11:43 amHoly fucking neckbeard
8 years ago at 11:44 amYes, he is a Pike.
8 years ago at 1:31 pmWhat the fuck does this have to do with this website, other than shit writing.
8 years ago at 11:44 amI wonder if the van let him put it in its gas hole.
8 years ago at 11:46 amAfter seeing what this gentleman looks like, let’s count ourselves lucky that he piped a van instead of, oh I don’t know, let’s say a golden retriever puppy’s corpse while its 4-year-old owner looked on in tears.
8 years ago at 11:47 amFuck man…
8 years ago at 11:51 amBrother, it’s been a long, dark morning.
8 years ago at 11:54 amFuck man, not even frabst would come up with something like this…holy shit
8 years ago at 11:57 amKeep going. I’m just starting to get hard.
8 years ago at 12:23 pmHow was this not Florida?
8 years ago at 11:51 amOhio is the Florida of the north
8 years ago at 12:06 pmOhio is just as fucked up. I mean it has Cleveland in it.
8 years ago at 12:07 pmBut at least they’re not Detroit
8 years ago at 1:00 pmIf you just showed me his mugshot and asked what crime he committed, I’d say fucked a van on meth
8 years ago at 11:54 amThis is the one year anniversary of Boosh writing the Frat mystery: Who banged Becky the Blimp. Do more shit like that Boosh
8 years ago at 12:06 pmHe’s fine
8 years ago at 12:07 pmThis still isn’t Fail Friday…
8 years ago at 12:09 pmdoesn’t matter, had sex.
8 years ago at 12:14 pm