Philadelphia Phillies Have Fan Q&A With Pat “The Bat” Burrell On Twitter, It Gets Predictably Sexual
Dan Regester9 years ago

The man, the myth, the “machine,” Pat Burrell is getting inducted into the Philadelphia Phillies “Wall of Fame” this weekend. Despite essentially playing his entire career with a mangled club foot and comically oversized Popeye forearms, he put together nine solid seasons in the heart of the order with my Phils, capped off with the only championship I’ve seen and probably will see in the remainder of my dark, cold days as a Philadelphia sports fan. Burrell could crush the seams off a baseball, so long as it wasn’t a curveball, but if he was half the player on the diamond that he was off it, he’d be the greatest to ever swing a big stick.

For those unfamiliar, his sexual escapades have reached Paul Bunyan like folklore. If there’s a legal female within a hundred mile radius of the power hitting left fielder, at any given time, she most likely has slept with or will inevitably sleep with Pat “The Bat.”

So when the social media team for the Phillies announced that they were doing a #ChatWithPat Q&A, I knew exactly which glorious road this was going to head down.

Almost time! Send your questions using #ChatWithPat! Starts in ten minutes! pic.twitter.com/v5eaI4EHGX

— Phillies (@Phillies) July 30, 2015

@Phillies #ChatWithPat Alright Pat, put this rumor to bed once and for all…..you The Machine? pic.twitter.com/G8ieSWuJB8

— James Fayleez (@James_Fayleez) July 30, 2015

Would you splooge in my face tomorrow? #chatwithpat

— Kem (@kimberlily) July 30, 2015

@Phillies #ChatWithPat Someone told me they showed this to you. Were they lying? pic.twitter.com/mBEQDT8Dxh

— Grant Brisbee (@mccoveychron) July 30, 2015

are you the father of any of my 3 kids I think you met my wife once #ChatWithPat

— Mike Meech (@meechone) July 30, 2015

.@Phillies Confirm/deny you said "You're f-ing Pat Burrell right now, you like that, don't you." to my friend Katy in 2007? #ChatWithPat

— Equalopportunity H8r (@eqloprtntyhtr) July 30, 2015

Which STD was the hardest to get rid of? #ChatWithPat

— Mike D (@Sandrark86) July 30, 2015

Is 25 too old for you #ChatWithPat

— biracial af (@alyssakeiko) July 30, 2015

#chatwithpat Giant on the field, Giant in the sac. Hide your wife, hide your daughter, hide your mom

— Brian Birkett (@brianbirkett) July 30, 2015

Was that The Machine who shot Detective Ray Velcoro in Season 2 ep 2? #ChatWithPat

— Tornado (@DeragoTORY) July 30, 2015

Next to “Hollywood” Hamels going out with a no-no, this is sadly the best moment of this franchise’s pathetic season. Just take me back to the pre-Rubén Amaro days..

Image via Twitter