Philly Zoo Will Let The Internet Decide The Name Of Its Newborn Gorilla And You Know What To Do

Alex Buscemi10 years ago

A brand new baby just squeezed out of its mama’s gorilla guts at the Philadelphia Zoo, and the keepers have decided to let the people choose its name.

But after countless hordes tweeted at the zoo with their unanimous choice (do I even need to say it?), the zoo then clarified their previous tweet.

This is horse shit. If you’re going to claim to let the public decide, then let the public decide. This isn’t an election. This is a goddamn farce.

The Philly Zoo hasn’t released the preset list of names yet, but I just know they’re going to shaft Harambe. They wouldn’t have sent out that second Tweet if they weren’t going to. Zookeepers killed him once, and they’ll kill him again. He will never have justice with these tyrants running things.

You people know what to do. @ the Philadelphia Zoo until we see His name on that list. And if he doesn’t appear on that list… my God. They’ll be scrubbing spray painted chodes off every surface of that zoo for months.

The keepers claim they’re holding out because they want to first determine the baby’s gender, which has been impossible since the mama gorilla hasn’t let the infant out of her arms. But isn’t waiting for the gender before choosing the names a little… close-minded? Personally, I don’t believe in gender-assigned names. But I’m a little more progressive than most people.

Do the right thing, Philadelphia Zoo. Stand for justice. Stand for progress. Stand for Harambe.

THEN AGAIN…

Look at that baby gorilla.

Look at how it gazes up at its mother. This is a life. A life that experiences love and affection as intensely as any human. Does it not deserve to be valued as more than just an internet meme? Does it not deserve the right to its own name? To be cherished as its own being? Perhaps the internet has made us callous to the true beauty of nature and the delicate miracle of existence.

Nah.

BUY OUR HARAMBE T-SHIRTS BITCHES LOLOLOLOL.

h/t The Huffington Post

Image via YouTube