PHOTOS: George W. Bush Once Met Harambe’s Mother

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Sometimes, the stars align, and by a trick of fate, something you never thought possible exists. The curtain rolls back and you see the deep threads connecting everything in a grand cosmic web where the confluence of giants meet.

These recently discovered pictures are just such a hallowed spoke of destiny. George W. Bush, while governor of Texas, posed beside the mother of Harambe, the slain prince, the martyr of our generation.

It is impossible to say what effect the proximity to a monumental titan of men’s fates had on the infant Harambe, but it is clear to me that he was destined for greatness since birth. Also painfully apparent is that some souls are just too bright and perfect for this cruel and dark world.

Harambe, also known as The Once and Future King, has experienced loss long before he paid the ultimate price for our sins. As you may know, Harambe was one of the only survivors to a chlorine gas poisoning that claimed the lives of his mother and brother. You may also know that Saddam Hussein was using chemical weapons against the Kurds in Iraq.

Is there a deeper connection between Harambe and former President Bush? Did Saddam kill Harambe’s mother? The world may never know the truth, but I think it is uncanny that Bush, a great leader of men, once touched the bloodline of such a great gorilla.

It’s also worth noting that many of these photos on the zoo archive reference the young Harambe playing with another baby gorilla named “Caesar”. Yes, that’s the same name as the ape that rose up and threw down humanity in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes. Coincidence? Definitely not.

Keep Harambe in your prayers.

Do you love Harambe as much as W. does? Show your support for him with our limited edition Harambe gear:

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  1. SphincteralMicturation

    Off topic, but you guys don’t post a single photo for 3 days and then post a fucking dumbass ad that literally no one gives a shit about? Fuck you. Do your fucking jobs

    9 years ago at 11:59 am
  2. prex8390

    Just cut your losses with the shirts you guys. It was a stupid gamble that isn’t gonna pay off. Never bet big on fads, especially pop culture ones.

    9 years ago at 1:01 pm
    1. The Therapist

      You do realize they’ve taken in just under$68K in revenue from this fad? Or do you just not know how to calculate revenue?

      9 years ago at 2:40 pm
      1. Henry_Eighth

        No one ever went broke underestimating the stupidity of the American public.

        9 years ago at 4:12 pm