Planking, Coning, and The Leisure Dive

For productive members of society who aren’t aware: this summer has been marred by a ridiculous abundance of hobby poses being captured on camera. First came “planking.”

Hippie Nature Plank

I’ve never seen a craze demean the existence of human life in a more horrifying manner than “planking.” No man should take pride in the fact that he can lay flat on his stomach like a rigor mortis stricken snake. The only time I encourage a similar “activity” is when I force a pledge to “plank” over a puddle so I don’t muddy my boat shoes during a stroll on a rainy day. The fact that thousands of Americans are spending valuable time lifelessly resting atop inanimate objects could explain the unemployment rate. Get a fucking job and stop acting like driftwood. Bums.

Community Bathroom Dorm Plank

Next, “coning” became a phenomenon. Something about spending money just to confuse GDI fast-food employees for personal amusement screams frat. Therefore, I pass no judgment, especially after the following video made me laugh.

Solid awkward comedy, but I shudder thinking about the masses of GDI clown-dicks cruising around town at 11pm on Friday night after eating one-too-many weed brownies, snickering at drive through windows across the country. Plus, it’s doubtful anyone will ever beat “The Warpaint Cone” that the above geed executes flawlessly, so coning is already dead to me, personally.

The Leisure Dive

Then, out of the darkness sprung “The Leisure Dive.” Nothing says, “I’m on cocaine and it’s lunchtime” like The Leisure Dive. This is the epitome of TFTC. The quintessential frat move.

Boat Dive

I must say; the current male-to-female leisure dive photo ratio is a bit slanted. I’d like to see some more spectacular racks flying through the air, so I’m encouraging classy ladies nationwide to pull TSMs mid-air and submit them to so I can appreciate their graciousness.

Ladylike Leisure

Croquet Mallet Mayhem

Morning Robe Glory

Pledge Dive?

Racketeering Dive

White Trash Pool Dive

This activity can be dangerous. Participate at your own risk. Just because you’re TFTC doesn’t mean you have to be TFSTTBYLD (too fucking stupid to think before you leisure dive).

    1. toss me a bronson

      i saw a video of someone who rubbed the cone on his face and started shaving with it, I think that tops the warpaint

      13 years ago at 7:53 pm
    2. Paul Hazinger

      While I respect the shave cone, the amount of eye contact necessary to execute a warpaint cone is the dealbreaker.

      13 years ago at 9:38 am
  1. Fratent Pending

    You missed the most important of them all. Owling. Google now. You will want to haze me for showing it to you.

    13 years ago at 10:52 am
    1. IFWT

      That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Why do these GDI’s keep coming up with this bullshit?

      13 years ago at 2:53 pm

    All the pikes are going to be surprised when they are at their Mcdonalds internship and someone comes cone-ing through the drive through.

    13 years ago at 11:00 am
    1. Davy Crockett

      So your use of the word internship implies that they couldn’t even get a normal job there?

      13 years ago at 11:15 am
  3. Bro Reilly Frator

    He went through all the pictures on but didn’t put photo 10 on there.

    13 years ago at 11:32 am
    1. George M Fratterson

      ^ haha. I have no clue bro but im deff confused just looking at it. Good eye.

      13 years ago at 5:20 pm
    2. southernsnowgal

      The irony that there was some sort of confusion on my own gender, keyword GAL gentlemen, is somewhat amusing. None the less, I am still just as confused of the gender of the aforementioned. And don’t worry…I have wi-fi in the kitchen.

      13 years ago at 7:34 pm
    1. Fraterick N Freeman

      You submitted somebody else doing something cool? lol that is funny, bro. Fucking Kansas

      13 years ago at 12:29 pm