Princeton Review’s 20 Soberest Schools Announced, Let’s All Point And Laugh (Except For The Service Academies)
Earlier, we published the Princeton Review’s top 20 party school list. With that Ying, comes the sober, depressing, Yang, that being the Princeton Review’s top 20 soberest schools list. Note that the service academies should be excluded from ridicule. No one should be learning how to command Abrams tanks, fire a cruise missile, or make a bunch of Cubans turn their raft around while extremely hungover. Everyone else, though? Laugh away.
1. Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah
2. Wheaton College, Wheaton, Ill.
3. College of the Ozarks, Point Lookout, Mo.
4. Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, Calif.
5. U.S. Military Academy, West Point, N.Y.
6. Grove City College, Grove City, Pa.
7. Wesleyan College, Macon, Ga.
8. U.S. Coast Guard Academy, New London, Conn.
9. U.S. Naval Academy, Annapolis, Md.
10. Calvin College, Grand Rapids, Mich.
11. City University of New York-Brooklyn College, Brooklyn, N.Y.
12. City University of New York-City College, New York City
13. City University of New York-Queens College, Flushing, N.Y.
14. Mills College, Oakland, Calif.
15. Agnes Scott College, Atlanta/Decatur, Ga.
16. Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering, Needham, Mass.
17. California Institute of Technology, Pasadena, Calif.
18. Simmons College, Boston
19. Wellesley College, Wellesley, Mass.
20. Xavier University of Louisiana, New Orleans
Some of the schools on this list just sound painfully sober. Agnes Scott College? Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering? Woof. What’s the over/under on the combined amount of attractive women at those schools? 17? I’m taking the under.
I’m especially disappointed in Xavier University of Louisiana, New Orleans. 1) You’re in New Orleans. 2) You’re Catholics. WHY ARE YOU NOT DRINKING!?! What are you doing with your lives?
Naturally, BYU tops the list. I’d tell BYU students they’re missing out, but really, they aren’t. They’re completely content sending girls home at sunset and spending the rest of the evening discussing how awesome Jimmer Friddette’s life is over a warm glass of milk.
As far as the service academies go, I’m always down to buy a serviceman or servicewoman a drink, but if you meet someone who goes to West Point or Annapolis, be extra sure to buy them a beer. Also, buy them a shot of Rumple Minze. Then maybe buy them seven more beers and a few rounds of tequila. Then take them to a strip club and pay for a dance. I mean, really, just show them a good time. They sound like they need it, and they certainly deserve it. It’s also a little disconcerting the Air Force Academy didn’t make this list. Now I’m starting to wonder if this is what their helicopter training areas look like:
Whatever, flying a drone is totally doable hungover.
[via The Associated Press]
1) Air Force does not fly helicopters, that would the Army. I mean you literally could find that on wikipedia. 2) Service academy grads are pricks, worst officers, so if you see them out, punch them in the balls.
13 years ago at 4:20 pmDude they have ZERO respect for SR NCOs, and as butter bars come into an unit and try to run shit. As a Company Commander, I have to “fact-check” them on the reg. I was in BOLC with a bunch of them, the majority were all kinda ate-up.
13 years ago at 2:41 pmI had an ex who went to Wesleyan. All they do down there is smoke, not drink.
13 years ago at 4:23 pmIs that West Point grads are such tools? If you have ever served in the the Armed Services, no one is more irritating than a “ring tapper.” I can tell if someone is a West Point grad from the first 3 minutes of conversation, and how they treat SR NCOs like trash. Sure I’ll get trolled pretty hard for this one…but it’s the truth.
13 years ago at 6:22 pmTook my high school bud who goes to West Point out for a cigar the other night. I had to explain what “rushing” a fraternity meant. Poor guy.
13 years ago at 8:00 pmActually down the road (and mountain) from West Point is a few bars and pubs where they spend all their free time boozing.
13 years ago at 9:51 pmXavier is easy to explain…
They’re an HBCU, so they’re one of the most stoned campuses in the USA.
13 years ago at 10:25 pmI can’t speak for other aircraft, but for helicopters, we have the 12 hour “bottle to throttle” rule.
13 years ago at 11:07 pmFAA says 8 hours bottle to throttle or BAC .04 FAR 91.17
13 years ago at 9:58 amUnder guidance you can be charged even with a hangover because of a(2) of the law
Anyone else feel like TFM recently got money from Rumple Minze?
13 years ago at 11:59 pmI heard the girls at City of New York are such sluts, that its like throwing your weiner down a hallway
13 years ago at 6:35 amI partied with some Air Force guys after Nationals and more than one of them ended up snorting some nose candy.
13 years ago at 9:02 pm