Put Down The Floor Pizza, Ya Drunk — Pizza ATMs Have Come To America

Alex Buscemi9 years ago

A Pizza ATM has just been installed at Xavier University — the first of its kind in the United States.

Cincinnati Magazine explained how it works:

Xavier’s dining service makes hundreds of artisan pizzas every day and 70 of them will go into this machine at a time.

Customers simply walk up to the machine and select which type of pizza they want. They’ll have a few options to choose from, including pepperoni, cheese and veggie, but those will vary based on what’s popular.

The machine takes the pizza they select from a refrigerated compartment and lifts it into a convection oven.

After about three minutes, the pizza is done cooking and the machine drops it into a box that is then delivered through a slot and into the hands of the hungry student.

The medium size pizza is about 12 inches and costs $9.

When the machine is getting low, employees are notified through their phones and can refill the machine as soon as it’s empty.

This is a fucking game changer.

For a moment, imagine this familiar scene. It’s 3 a.m. The party has dwindled away. And it’s just you and a couple desperately hungry friends sitting on the couch, drunkenly yelling at the Xbox One’s mic to “PLAAYY ALWAYSS SUNNNY YOU BISSH!” Donny is so hungry he’s scooped an old slice of pizza off the ground. Now he’s just holding it close to his mouth, tempting himself with a disease-covered bite. What are you to do?

3 a.m. delivery is an option on some lucky campuses. But when the delivery boy arrives 15 30 45 60 minutes later, you’re passed the fuck out. You could always stock up on frozen pies, but Digiorno is garbage. I’d rather risk hepatitis and eat the floor pizza.

Enter the Godsend that is the Pizza ATM. They need to install one of these bad boys in the lobby of every university dormitory and apartment complex in the nation. You don’t have to wait on anybody. It’s full of leftover pies, which makes it perfect for any university with a dining hall (what else are you gonna do with all those leftovers — give them to the homeless? Psssht). There’s really no excuse for a university not to have a Pizza ATM.

Not to mention the concept of sliding your money into a little slot and watching it spit out food is fun as fuck. And convenient. You get what you want, when you want it. I think we should go full Japan and sell everything out of vending machines. Hamburgers. Fish. Cupcakes. Motherfucking eggs. Just say fuck it to grocery stores and put all that shit right in front of our houses. The future is now, bitches. What a time to be alive..

[via Cincinnati Magazine]

Image via Shutterstock