Breaking Down A Reader’s Incredibly Fucked Up Breakup Story

Alex Buscemi9 years ago

We just got an email from a reader named Tim lamenting about a terrible breakup he recently went through. It’s a tragic tale of love lost involving infidelity, dick pics, deleted text messages, and betrayal.

Let’s break it down.

So I met a girl 2 years ago at one of our fraternity’s party and hooked up with her the first night. We started to sleep together probably 4 nights a week. She was not only hot (fucked like a porn star also because she was kind of a slut) but she was actually a really cool person. So like a year and a half goes by and we decide to make it official because we were already best friends and basically a couple. This is where shit hit the fan.

I feel for ya man, but shit was caked on every surface of the proverbial living room long before it hit the fan. You already knew she was a free spirit. Making the relationship official rarely changes that. As they say, you can’t wash the stripes off a tiger — especially if that tiger is a slutty coed who fucks like a porn star. However. Sex four days out of the week is a lot. There isn’t too much time to squeeze other guys in, so I can see why you decided to lock it down.

About 2 months into the relationship I went on her phone to send myself a picture she and I took earlier. Red flag number 1: she had 3 dick pics on her phone (I’m no dick expert but I could tell they were 3 different dicks) from a week ago. So I casually asked her “why do you have recent dick pics on your phone?” Her response: “I don’t ask for dick pics but if someone sends me one, I’m going to save it.” I kind of just ignored the situation and didn’t think too much of it.

This is interesting for several reasons.

First, it completely debunks the increasingly common “don’t send dick pics” sentiment permeating popular culture right now. Clearly, some bitches love ’em. So much so that they save each penis in their camera rolls for easy access.

Second, how could you just ignore the situation? I would ask at least a couple questions about why she’s got three different shlongs up in her photos. Not necessarily out of jealousy. Just out of sheer curiosity. Is she making some sort of penis scrapbook? Is she conducting a scientific census involving girth, length, color, and shape? Maybe she’s saving them so she can show off to her homegirls and be like, “Yooo betch, check out this dick pick I just got — third one this month!” These are the things we have to know, Tim.

Red flag number 2: she kept deleting most of her text messages. When I asked why she does that, her response: “I don’t want you to see anything you wouldn’t want to see.” Which, once again, I didn’t think much of it because she was sleeping at my place literally 6 nights a week so I assumed she couldn’t go out and cheat on me. Which I thought correctly. She couldn’t go OUT to cheat on me, but living in a house with 17 other guys, she could stay IN and cheat on me.

A lot of people reading this are probably thinking, Why is there even a second red flag? Was the collection of trouser meat saved on her phone not enough to bury this relationship once and for all? It should have been, but the fact that she was practically living with him makes it much easier to give her the benefit of the doubt. I totally understand why you didn’t kick her to the curb, Tim.

But the second red flag, deleting text messages, is a sure sign that something sketchy is going down. Hell, feeling the need to check her text messages in the first place is a huge red flag.

Before I get into his brothers betraying him, let’s read the last part of this story.

About a month ago, my fraternity threw an end of spring term party. It was around 2 am, my girlfriend was on vacation with her family, and me, my friend, and my girlfriends best friend were in my room. My friend was hammered and drunk confessed to me that my girlfriend slept with 2 of my housemates (and they are my fraternity brothers). Of course I was feeling all kinds of emotions finding that out while being cross faded. So my friend left the room and it was just me and my (ex)girlfriends best friend. We’re sitting on separate couches in silence after finding out this news and then all of a sudden she gets up, sits on my lap and says “I’ll help you get over her” and then fucks me on my couch. Next morning call my ex and broke up with her and told her I fucked her best friend (and still currently fucking her). My ex is the boss of a 30 year old stoner who she is currently dating and fucking. So I’m fucking the best friend, she’s dating a guy 10 years older than her, and I can’t even trust my fraternity brothers. Great brotherhood.

Nice. Glad you were able to get some of your thunder back and nail her BFF. Keep it up, and maybe send her a Snapchat while you’re at it. Also, take solace in the fact she’s fucking a 30-year-old loser now.

As for your two fraternity brothers who fucked your girl, that sucks. That shows a serious lack of respect for everything fraternities are about. Hopefully they apologized. I wouldn’t let this ruin the feelings of brotherhood you have for your fraternity, though. And here’s why. She was sleeping at the house. It sounds to me like she waited for you to go to sleep, then rolled out of your bed and roamed the halls of the house looking for a brother who was drunk enough to make a terrible decision. Put a bunch of alcohol in his system, and any red-blooded male between the ages of 18-23 would have a damn hard time saying no to a hottie hopping on top of them in the middle of the night. Even if that hottie is a brother’s girl.

Thanks for sharing, Tim. It’s good to talk these things out. I hope this experience has been somewhat cathartic for you.

As for the rest of you, I hope there’s one thing you take away from this story: stay single in college..

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