Signs Your Rush Chair Doesn’t Give A Shit Anymore

Paul Hazinger12 years ago

We’ve all seen the guy who’s in his last year as an active that reluctantly signs up to do one more rush. He’s probably 22, studying for the LSAT, and could give two shits about the chapter or where it’s headed. Here are a few signs you’re dealing with a rush chairman that doesn’t give a flying fuck anymore:

He’s over delegating.

There’s always going to be a few JIs that really want to contribute and make a name for themselves by helping out with rush. Any good rush chair knows how to delegate, but sometimes the “rush committee” can be taken advantage of. If you catch the rush chair handing a list to a JI and saying, “Hey call these guys,” you might have a rush chair mail-in. Pawning off the call list to a JI is a classic sign that your rush chair is fuckless. Another good indication is the old “can you pick these guys up from the dorms” trick. He’ll make some shit up about having to set up for the party or something like that, but he’s probably at the bar ripping doubles because he hates the fact that he has to hit on 18-year-old dudes all night.

He keeps disappearing.

With the exception of a few guys, nobody really likes talking to an 18-year-old kid about how good his high school was at football. Generally, the rush chair will at least fake it enough to where the ungrateful little fucks will think he’s “cool” and “gives a shit.” If you start to notice that he’s gone from parties for a long period of time, you may have a problem on your hands. There’s a good chance he’s more focused on creeping out freshmen ass then explaining that Paul Ryan is one of your alumni. If he’s gone in 5 to 7 minutes spurts and comes back overly aggressive toward rushees, then he probably just has a coke problem.

He sketches out early.

You know this is going to happen when he’s acting out of character during the first hour of the party. He’ll probably be telling some cheese dick story to five or six rushees who are awkwardly laughing, and then 30 minutes later he’s gone. If he’s going out of his way to talk to everyone as soon as the party starts, you know he’s planning on getting the fuck out of there. He’s probably 21, rolls with older guys, and secretly regrets the fact that he’s back for another year of being the rush chair.

He’s just making shit up.

It’s one thing to embellish, but when you start overhearing blatant lies it may be time to have a talk. Lying is part of the job, but talking about the time that Widespread played on the back porch is just absurd. Oh, and that “6 million dollar renovation” to the party house? Fuck, man. It’s acceptable to lie about not being on probation, but talking about the chapter summerhouse in the Hamptons is absolute verbal diarrhea.

He’s blacked out at all times.

The occasional rush chair blackout is not a big deal. He can even black out every night as long as he actually does something productive before hand. But when your rush chair is blacked the fuck out by 10:30 it’s going to be difficult to field a respectable pledge class. Some guys thrive under the cloud of a blackout, but most likely he’s going to be in zombie mode, Chad Johnson-ing rushees. A red flag should be raised if at any point your rush chair is covered in his own urine. Also, if he starts fights with rushees for laughing at his jokes the wrong way, he’s probably had it.