State Rep. Proposes Bill That Would Block Porn On All Computers Sold In South Carolina

Rob Fox8 years ago

Keep your laws out of my bedroom! (Or, more accurately, off of my living room couch, out of my shower, and also my bedroom.)

South Carolina state representative Bill Chumley has a proposed a bill that will, in part, stipulate that any computer sold in South Carolina has to come with a filter to automatically block porn. Then, if some sick, perverted individual REALLY needs his fix of, say, barely legal Asian teens doing things that, apparently, he would not believe (if the headlines of such films are any indication), the customer can pay $20 to have the filter removed.

the Human Trafficking Prevention Act would require manufacturers or sellers to install digital blocking capabilities on computers and other devices that access the internet to prevent the viewing of obscene content.

The bill would fine manufacturers or sellers that sell a device without a digital blocking system installed. But any manufacturer or seller that didn’t want to install the system could pay a $20 opt-out fee for each device sold.

Any buyers who want the filter lifted after purchasing a computer or device would have to pay a $20 fee, after verifying they are 18 or older.

“If an end user buys an apparatus, a computer, and they want access to that, they would have to pay to have that filter removed,” Chumley said.

Part of me wants this law to pass just so I can go down to South Carolina to buy a computer and have the “filter conversation” with some poor bastard at Best Buy or the Mac store who never, ever asked to have a job where they had to inquire about whether or not the customer would be needing their device for masturbation.

Me: Yes I’d like your newest Macbook Pro with all pornography restrictions removed.

Apple Genius: Yes sir, very good.

Me: Now I mean everything. You got that? I don’t want to get home and find that I can only watch two white people doing it missionary. I need this device to be totally filterless. I’m talking interracial lesbian fisting orgies, “Mr. Hands 2: The Giraffening”, Brazilian shemale prolapse, pregnant threesomes. I need it all.

Apple Genius: The filter is just a yes or no thing. There aren’t levels to it.

Me: Okay great. I just wanted to do my due diligence. Because I wouldn’t want to, for example, not be able to watch the film “Doing Diligence.” It’s about a busty Amish girl named Diligence who goes to the big city for Rumspringa and–

Apple Genius: I think I get the idea.

Me: — gets fucked a lot. She fucks a lot. All kinds of ways. Basically. Thanks. I’ll be here waiting.

[Dozens of horrified parents leave hurriedly with their small children they were there to buy iPads for]

I do feel a little bad making fun of this bill, if only because it is nobly intentioned.

The money collected from the fines and fees would go to the S.C. Attorney General’s Office’s human trafficking task force, which works with law enforcement leaders, nonprofits and state advocates to find solutions to trafficking.

…

“The human trafficking thing has exploded. It’s gotten to be a real problem,” Chumley said.

But still, some guy having a j-sesh to a cam girl he’s slowly falling in love with over the course of several months isn’t really related to human trafficking. There’s got to be a better way to get funding to stop that crime. Don’t blame otherwise upstanding pervs for the crimes of the truly sick..

[via GoUpstate]