Study Claims To Have Determined When College Students Start Doing Drugs

Jared Borislow10 years ago

College is a time for experimentation. For some people, that means drugs. For others, bisexuality. For me, I set out to find just how little poon a normal college student who has a proclivity towards mentioning that he thinks the sphincter is the most underrated body part when talking to girls could get throughout four years of college. My hypothesis stood true: very, very little. Some might even say none, depending on if you count OTPHJs or not.

As far as drug experimentation goes, this study claims it knows the most common times of year for a college-aged student to experiment with various drugs for the first time. Here are the results.

From the Associated Press:

College students tend to try stimulants such as Adderall and Ritalin for the first time in November, December or April, according to the examination of 12 years of government survey data. They may believe the attention deficit disorder medications will help them ace their exams, even though there is no medical evidence that such drugs enhance performance and such drugs can be addictive.

That’s definitely what they believe. And who needs “medical evidence?” There is no medical evidence that collecting all of my feces in a jar and leaving it under my bed will render me sterile for the entirety of its position there (like most sane people, I desire to be completely impotent until at least the age of 27), but I do it anyways because it hasn’t been proven to not work (and because I never learned how to put on a condom). I assume college Adderall and Ritalin experimenters are the same way about their pill popping.

Students are most likely to try marijuana, inhalants and alcohol for the first time during the summer, not the school year, according to the report released Thursday by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which examined data from the annual National Survey on Drug Use and Health.

Kids these days have too much time on their hands during the summer. Get an internship, you hobos.

First use of cigarettes peaks in June, September and October. Underage college students who have never tried alcohol before are most likely to have it for the first time in June. First-time use of cigars, marijuana and inhalants is highest in June and July, and the first nonmedical use of prescription painkillers happens most often in December.

Do you have a good explanation for why these whippersnappers are falling off the wagon with these specific drugs during these specific months? I’d love to see what you have to say in the comments section..

[via Associated Press]