Stuff Frat People Hate: Clingers

While there are countless things we as fraternal men like and enjoy, there’s no way you can sustain our extravagant lifestyles without remembering the many things out there we hate.

One of the classic offenders on this nearly endless list of hatred is the legendary “clinger.” By definition, a clinger is a sorostitute who at first glance appears completely normal (loves crafting, blowjobs, and making you sandwiches), but becomes a completely different entity post-hookup.

Somewhere in this young woman’s upbringing (read: daddy issues), the distinction between “slampiece” and “girlfriend” is completely lost. Any Fratstar locked in her deathtrap-of-a-vagina is forced to suffer through countless “hey, i miss u,” texts until the situation is rectified.

But have no fear, readers, I am here to tell you not only how to release yourself from this obsessive sorostitute sleeper hold, but how to demote her to proper slampiece status where she belongs.

First of all, completely eliminate all sober contact. If your texts don’t have at least two misspellings, you aren’t nearly drunk enough. Next, when you actually do see her (it better be after 2am, or you aren’t getting the point) keep your conversations as simple as possible. One word answers are the best way to let her know her place: on top of you. If the combination of these douchey but necessary actions fail, you might be in the clutches of the dreaded “Stage 5 Clinger,” and there’s only one thing to do. Run like hell.

To any female readers who haven’t closed this page in a bitch fit, trust me I mean no disrespect. The clinger is a rare beast and these rules should not be applied to girls with any integrity to speak of. If you behave like a normal girl should (ie: not sending 32 texts in a row, waiting outside the Frat castle before class to say ‘hi’, or making us mixtapes) you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Just keep up the good work in the kitchen and on the craft table and you’ll be just fine.

Ladies, if you’re still offended, you’re probably an clinger yourself. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. And trust me, you have one.

  1. fratbone

    Not bad, Athough a method that has worked countless times (only use for “stage 5”) is to ignor said slampiece all together. Then proceed to move on to her sister or even better her big/little . Once accomplished you have gotten the point across

    13 years ago at 12:24 pm
    1. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Learn some some command for the English language fratbone, it will help you with future endeavors. You also forgot the period at the end of the last sentence in your rant.

      13 years ago at 4:08 pm
    2. The Piker

      Retards calling others out^ TFM. “some some” also, should be …English language, fratbone; it will help… and lastly, “Also, you failed to use a period to signify the end of your final sentence” would have been a more readable structure.

      13 years ago at 4:11 pm
    3. Reagan22

      I hate you Piker! I honestly hate you, I dont hate many people but I really hate you!

      13 years ago at 4:20 pm
    4. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Piker, go troll on World of Warcraft, nobody likes you or your fraternity on this website. You must be angry because the only fraternity that would give you a bid was fucking PIKE. So go eat a dick. Have a nice day.


      13 years ago at 5:03 pm
    5. The Piker

      Not realizing its a troll account and that I am not a Pike makes you a retard. Secondly, don’t correct someone’s grammar if your own correction is going to be filled with a ton of errors, as your’s was. Its not my fault you are a hypocritical fuckbag. Now go back to your agricultural school and learn to plant beansprouts, or whatever the fuck farmers-in-training do during class.

      13 years ago at 5:45 pm
    6. older row

      I hate Pike too but I feel bad that you have enough time on your hands to make a troll account that gets used more than most people’s real accounts.

      13 years ago at 6:34 pm
    7. Fratlanta Falcons

      Your name is AgFratSouthernMoney? Seriously? Could you explain it? Or did you really think it was a good idea.

      Also, if you don’t know Piker is a troll by now. You’re either an idiot or terrible at detecting sarcasm.

      13 years ago at 7:29 pm
    8. Mighty Bro Young

      I’ve seen Piker defending Pike before, he is a fucking Pike. He just got sad after getting shit on so much that he decided to start saying he’s just trolling.

      13 years ago at 8:07 pm
    9. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Fratlanta Falcons, I’m in AGR. My great grandfather was part of “Big Tobbaco”. So I’m in an Ag Fraternity:AgFrat, I live in the South: Southern, and I come from Money:Money. So that’s why its AgFratSouthernMoney.

      Piker, when I’m a CFO at Smithfield and make 8 figures.You’ll see.Also I’m not some green energy loving liberal who plants soy beans to make fuel.

      older row, Agreed.

      Mighty Bro Young, You’re definitely right.

      13 years ago at 9:05 pm
    10. The Piker

      You honestly think I am in Pike? Did you ever notice my defenses are ridiculous and often are just counter-insults? Also, AG, if you are able to take over a company, with the level of intellect you have displayed, that business likely to end up in a worse place than Caylee Anthony.

      13 years ago at 9:07 pm
    11. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Hey Piker, how does it feel to be bottom tier? PIKE blows dick, so does anyone who has ever been in PIKE.
      P.S. Have fun blowing dick all your life.

      13 years ago at 9:30 pm
    12. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Piker, don’t you mean:that bussiness is* likely to end up in a worse place than Caylee Anthony?

      13 years ago at 9:33 pm
    13. high kapp

      You’re losing it, Piker. You used to make me laugh once every thousand comments you made but ^this was 1001 and I’m not laughing.

      13 years ago at 9:36 pm
    14. The Piker

      Not really trolling here. Just honestly shocked that people have that much difficulty picking up on sarcasm and trolling efforts. It seriously makes our Greek society look dumber than fucking GDIs. Its scary.

      13 years ago at 9:39 pm
    15. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Those are nice Holsteins, Piker. So you admit that you’d like to blow dick? I think you’re a main reason why quote “Greek society look dumber than fucking GDIs.”
      It might also do with the fact that you’re a PIKE. Have fun blowing dick while this “hick farmer”(I don’t even live on a farm. It’s a ranch, douchebag.), slams more broads than yiou ever will.

      13 years ago at 9:48 pm
    16. The Piker

      Actually, I meant business. Learn to spell. As for the missing verb, well, its better than slaughtering a common word, one which a fratstar, like you, should know. I guess you are used to slaughtering pigs though, farmer joe.

      13 years ago at 6:59 am
    17. Jimbofrat

      I cant believe I just read that whole feed..I did learn a lot about grammer though thanks guys.

      13 years ago at 8:24 am
    18. AgFratSouthernMoney

      Piker you got me, I spelled business wrong. But, at least I don’t blow dicks or would rather blow dicks over something else.You’re right about mixing feed like a champ.

      Future First Lady, you have a computer in your kitc– wait, you’re a woman your opinion doesn’t count. So go fix Piker,Jimbofrat and, myself some damn sandwhiches. Hold the mayo and your opinions.

      Jimbofrat, it’s grammar*.

      13 years ago at 10:32 am
    19. fratbone

      AgFratSoutherMoney. You are trying way to fucking hard.

      One- Just looking for ways to people down because of spelling as appose to commenting on the actual topic at hand.NF

      – Looking at the details is for women, being able to see past the bullshit to the big picture is FaF.

      Two- when trying to put people down you are guilty of making your own spelling and gammar mistakes.

      Three- how are you going get at anyone when your girl looks like she got beat with the ugly stick. Are proud of that “slam”?

      and whats this bull shit about you bringing home 8 figures. Dude if you made that money you would not waste your time correcting peoples grammar on a website. Let alone surfing the website.

      Do us all a favor and go play in traffic.

      ( I cant wait for the all the grammEr corrections on this one)

      13 years ago at 1:27 pm
    20. Fratting hard

      I wonder who has a higher IQ; Agfrat, Piker, or on of the cows from the picture Piker posted

      13 years ago at 2:10 pm
    21. Mighty Bro Young

      Piker you are about as useful as a used tampon, so go somewhere out of sight and don’t come out for about a month or so. That would be great. You put so much effort into trolling, and yet you aren’t good at it. And fratbone, I can’t even count the amount of grammatical mistakes and misspellings in your pathetic rant, but I will address one in particular. “As appose”?? Are you kidding? Even half of a fucking retard knows it’s “as opposed”. Get an education you filthy fucking simpleton. Jesus Christ. The amount of stupidity in the world today……and on a site that is supposed to be for educated, high society, and important people (in the future at least). Shocking.

      13 years ago at 4:11 pm
    22. The Piker

      No haha. MENSA is easy to get into anyway. All you need is a top 2% SAT, and you can submit that as documentation. However, I did fail to renew my membership after my senior year of high school. My friend and I joined to piss off our other friend, who had a test score 20 points out of the 2% SAT range needed. Neither of us ever took the official IQ test, although I am sure that it would tell me I have a long way to go to join any of the really exclusive societies.

      13 years ago at 9:06 pm
    23. brostock

      AgFrat is a fucking retard who just appears to be trolling the troll here. Piker is almost always funny but in this thread ends up sinking to Ag’s level…in short, everyone who took the time to read this is now stupider.

      13 years ago at 2:17 pm
    1. Mward2002

      The man who reinforced those stairs deserves a sandwich. Bad news is they probably ate it instead of giving it to him.

      13 years ago at 1:37 pm
    2. carolinahaze

      Most sorority chapters hide their ugliest member in the back for group photos. If Blondie McWhale is front and center in this pic, I shudder to think at what the rest of them look like below the shoulders.

      13 years ago at 2:49 pm
    3. The Piker

      hahahhahahahahahha. I’ve been laughing for a good minute at the Blondie McWhale comment. Not sure why, but its absolutely hilarious to me.

      13 years ago at 3:17 pm
    4. CAptbap

      Its not often that there is a sorority without a SINGLE girl I wouldn’t go down on in a drunken stupor… but I think you may have found it. Thanks for ruining my browsing history Piker, people are going to think I’ve been shopping for livestock!

      13 years ago at 7:27 pm
    5. Year Around Frat

      To your picture with SAEs, I say “Hey remember generic SAE, when you made fun of other fraternities calling them bottom tier, well look at this”. And then I feel better about myself.

      13 years ago at 7:37 pm
    6. Mward2002

      Man those girls had to pose with a giant Kit Kat bar didn’t they? That made me laugh.

      13 years ago at 9:42 pm
    7. The Piker

      hahaha I was hoping someone would see that one since I couldn’t post it directly.

      13 years ago at 4:58 am
    1. the fratness monster


      -Everyone who corrects grammar and punctuation on this site

      13 years ago at 1:59 pm
    2. EdHardy

      I think you left your caps-lock on. Also, there was no period at the end of your sentence. Gahhhh so Not Fraternity.

      13 years ago at 12:04 pm