The 5 Types of Country Songs

As I was scanning the radio today I came to a shocking conclusion. There are basically only five types of country songs. No matter how many hits your favorite country station crams into each hour, almost all of them are carbon fucking copies of one another. As always, there are exceptions to this rule, and by no means am I talking down country music (it’s my favorite genre), but it was a little upsetting to realize that many of the tunes I’ve been listening to for the past twenty years have just been half-assed copy-paste jobs. Without further ado, here are the five variations that you’re bound to hear again and again whether you like it or not.

1. God/America Songs

“God Must Be Busy” “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away” “Courtesy of the Red White and Blue” “Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning?)”

This is probably not a huge surprise, because country music’s deep southern tradition goes hand in hand with religious devotion and patriotism. That’s all fine and dandy, but do we really need hundreds of songs to deliver the same message? I’ll tell you what these songs really are: desperate attempts by artists to get noticed. By taking one of the absolute safest routes possible via religion or the love of our fine nation, they hit listeners with a moral obligation to like the song. What country music fan out there is really going to say he hates an artist’s new song because it’s “too Jesus-ey” or that he “likes America too much?” I’ll tell you who. Nobody. Because talking shit about Jesus or America is worse than taking a dump on a Hank Williams photo while operating a Ouija board dressed in full ceremonial Muslim attire. I’m all for expression of religion and beliefs, it’s a beautiful thing, but next time you hear one of these songs remember who the artist is really worshipping: the almighty dollar.


2. Drinking Songs

“The More I Drink” “Red Solo Cup” “Alcohol” “One in Every Crowd” “People Are Crazy”

This breed of country song is my personal favorite, and I’m sure it’s yours as well. Even though there are literally thousands of tunes about whiskey and bars and binge drinking, for some reason I find myself singing along to almost all of them. These songs are obviously the most relatable to a crowd like ours, and that’s why you’ll most likely hear on a regular basis. While there is some originality in this field, many of the songs follow the simple formula of “I drink a lot, and______ happens.” That blank can be anything from setting fire to your ex’s belongings, ending up in a ditch somewhere, or amassing some anonymous inheritance out of sheer luck. While very few of my drinking nights turn out this ridiculous (some certainly do), I can always enjoy a good drinking song at the bar of my choice. Something about them just makes the whiskey go down smoother.


3. My Yankee Friend Songs

“He Cant Even Bait a Hook” “Holler Back” “Country Boy Can Survive”

This may be news to you, but apparently most country singers have an embarrassing Yankee friend that has somehow gone his whole life without ever learning a single fact about the southern states. Now, I’m not sure if this is entirely true, but there are enough songs about just such a friend to make me believe it. These songs are always cookie-cutter copies of one another, and tend to dive into scenarios such as seeing his first truck with four wheel drive, trying his first lip of Skoal, and experiencing good home cooking for once in his life. These songs feed solely off of clichés and stereotypes, consequently making them some of the most boring country songs of all.


4. Life in the Country Songs

“Where the Green Grows” “Small Town USA” “We’re From the Country” “Dirt Road Anthem”

Judging by songs like these, you would think that every small town in America was busting at the seams with untapped country music talent. However, this is a load of bullshit, and most country artists who sing this song haven’t seen a real “country town” in years (possibly ever). This is just another prime example of country music stars reaching out to the audience they are so blatantly disconnected with. While rural America might be the target audience for a lot of country singers, there are only so many ways that one can portray the exact same image. Yes, you have a tractor. Sweet tea is delicious, I know. And I even believe that it must have been incredibly enjoyable working the fields as a child. I just don’t want to fucking hear about it anymore.


5. Sappy Love Songs

“She’s Everything” “Don’t Take the Girl” Any Keith Urban Song

Last but not least, who could forget the go-to, guaranteed on every album smash hit love song. These songs can be found most commonly on the mixtapes that 4th graders make for one another, and in good old Middle America where 50-year-old women use them as a masturbatory aid. Every overused simile and metaphor can be found in these lyrics, and they’re not so much creative as they are corny. But for some reason, girls seem to really enjoy them, thus giving them value in society. A sappy country song on the radio during a pledge-ride home has indirectly led to a blowjob more often than not. I can talk down about the songs’ simplicity all day, but I’ve never been one to talk down on something that can lead to sexual pleasure.


That’s it for now folks, I’m sure there are a few you can add to this list, but in my experience these are the biggest repeat offenders in the ever-expanding world of country clichés. Remember, just because it’s simple music doesn’t mean it’s bad, and even if you’ve heard the same idea in 25 different songs, sometimes you just have to say “fuck it,” finish your beer and sing along.

  1. Pounding Vag

    There are 2 types of country.
    1. Pop hits artists like Jason Aldean and Taylor Swift
    2. Real country artists such as Eric Church and Alabama.

    13 years ago at 4:12 pm
    1. Lynchem

      Really you chose them over lets say a Toby Keith, George Strait, Pat Green, Chris Ledoux, or Hank Williams?

      13 years ago at 4:27 pm
    2. RagnarDanneskjold

      When that skanky coke whore and those two hipsters (they call themselves the band perry, more like the band fairy) won best new country artist instead of Eric Church, I kinda wanted to to throw up.

      13 years ago at 5:03 pm
    3. jfratty12

      I bet all of you have at least one t-swift song on your ipods. Eric Church is awesome, but I like Jason Aldean all the same.

      13 years ago at 7:50 pm
    4. anonymous1

      taylor swift thinks she’s country because she includes a fiddle in some of her songs

      13 years ago at 7:29 pm
  2. fratstars and bars

    Not sure how I feel about this article. Kinda feel like I just read liberal propaganda

    13 years ago at 4:19 pm
    1. General Fratin

      The only thing worth singing about is God, America (specifically the South), drinking, and sex. Fuckin libs.

      13 years ago at 5:38 pm
    1. Teddy__Brosevelt

      Pretty much all new music, regardless of genre, is shit. You just can’t beat the classics.

      13 years ago at 7:25 pm
    2. Bronan the Barbarian

      Johnny Cash. The man inspired at least two genres for years to come.

      13 years ago at 9:24 am
  3. Lynchem

    You are completely wrong in fact about most of this article. Yes your Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, and that non American Keith Urban probably have no idea what a real country town is a lot of country singers live and lived in one. Toby Keiths songs by the way are about his father, this is truth. George Strait worked on a farm and the professional rodeo circuit, Hank Williams, need I continue to disprove your first paragraph. Or the rest for that fact.

    13 years ago at 4:30 pm
    1. palmettosandpearls

      Luke Bryan is actually from a small town in georgia and is the son of a peanut farmer.

      13 years ago at 4:57 pm
    2. FraterdayRage

      Luke Bryan went to my school and returns every year in the Farm tour. It is concert out in middle of nowhere so that no one will call the cops. Everyone gets blitz drunk and pledges skip class to drive us there.

      13 years ago at 5:38 pm
    3. TheNorthFrat

      I met Luke Bryan and he stopped his car just cause he saw me with my Sigma Chi flag and came up to talk to me. Then I went on his RV and he had Crown, Jack, and Maker’s. Not to mention he was late to his own concert because he was bow hunting. Don’t ever say Luke Bryan isn’t frat

      13 years ago at 6:37 pm
    4. Senator_frat1925

      ^ I guess it could be interpreted that way. I guess not giving a fuck how gay you look on national television could be FaF. It’s still kind of gay though

      13 years ago at 8:41 pm
    5. better_than_you

      Luke is FaF and most of his songs are awsome. Him and Justin Moore are some of the only new country i’ll listen too. I agree Senator ,im not a fan of his his “pop star” appearence at shows.

      13 years ago at 11:43 am
  4. brosta del mar 580s

    Texas Country – FAF

    Nothing is better than Randy Rodgers Band, Bart Crow Band, Casey Donahew Band, Stoney Larue etc…

    13 years ago at 4:38 pm
    1. TFMTotalFratStar

      Good Shit, although they are not from Texas, Old Crow Medicine Show should be amongst these great country bands.

      13 years ago at 5:59 pm
    2. ItJustComesFratural

      This sounds like the exact order that plays on my Randy Rogers pandora station. It never leaves me disappointed, and I would consider OCMS more of a bluegrass band.

      13 years ago at 12:46 am
    3. FrattyIce1845

      Old Crow is more folk/old time than bluegrass. Their musical style is, I guess you could say sloppier and less polished than bluegrass, which I love. Besides, Wagon Wheel = FaF no matter where you’re from!

      13 years ago at 8:41 am
    4. Remember Broliad

      Huntsville has some good up and coming artists in John Slaughter and the Cody Johnson Band. Saw John Slaughter open for RRB on Cinco de Mayo and he got everybody up and excited. Badass show.

      13 years ago at 2:53 pm
    1. Casey Franthony

      It’s hard to get DAB off your mind when you’re blowing him all day.. huh Cupid?

      13 years ago at 7:46 pm
    2. broskeet2

      So glad there is not a delete button. When you get done thinking about DAB, go take a few laps.

      13 years ago at 10:21 pm
  5. the nelson

    I dont always listen to country, but when I do, Im listening to Texas country.

    13 years ago at 4:41 pm
    1. The_Chilis_Guy

      I don’t always listen to sappy love song county, but when I do, I’m giving a dirty queso in the Chili’s bathroom.

      13 years ago at 4:51 pm