The 5 Worst Songs in America Right Now

I’m not sure what’s happened to popular music in the last 15 years, but it’s safe to say it’s gone from “Really bad” to “How are they even calling this music anymore?” It seems that every day another overproduced, oversimplified excuse for music comes out that would be much better used at Guantanomo Bay. I’m here today to highlight 5 such songs that truly deserve special recognition for their ability to make ears bleed at will.

“I’m Sexy and I Know It”

Is there anything really left to be said about LMFAO? After bringing us the catchy but mediocre polished turds of “I’m in Miami, Bitch” and “Party Rock Anthem,” one would think that this dysfunctional duo would have called it quits by now and enjoyed the millions of dollars they clearly don’t deserve.

How a group that looks like the aborted offspring of Sasha Baron Cohen and a retarded lion can make any claims of being “sexy” is truly beyond me. Every time I hear the astoundingly intelligent lyric, “Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah” a little part of me dies on the inside, and a much larger part of me wants to commit random acts of violence.

Who knew that you could take five repeated phrases and throw them on top of a shitty techno beat and become a millionaire?

It looks like the jokes on us, and the name LMFAO might be a little more prophetic than we realize. These guys are clearly laughing their fucking asses off about how successful their are, while we are forced to listen to their melodic genocide every time a girl is in charge of the iPod.

    1. the bro next door

      feel like a particular machine gun kelly song should be mentioned here..

      12 years ago at 3:54 pm
    1. Sigma_Raw_Dog

      If you can listen to any form of rap all the way through, besides Bigge/Tupac/Eminem, then you must be friends with alot of naggers. The retarded way they talk and can’t learn for shit makes not wonder why there will always be tension between white and black guys. Girls seem not to give two shits anymore. *Insert sorostitute that thought Jeremy Lin was black*

      12 years ago at 6:17 pm
    2. RagnarDanneskjold

      Just because he has a hot slam does not make him FaF. It just means he has socioeconomic status. His style is something on the order of a hyper feminine Guido, and he sings like a ferry fuck about all his misadventures caused by his beta personality.

      In other words, he is a NF GDI PCF with money and fame.

      12 years ago at 7:39 pm
    3. KappaSigCU

      ^^ you do understand that tupac/biggie spoke about the exact things that most people (including you) find offensive and even ridicule on a daily basis on this site. What you just said was literally the most contradictory statement that has ever been spoken. You want some real hip/hop music look up Wick It the Instigator

      12 years ago at 10:36 pm
    4. You rednecks have no respect. There are ‘leftists’ in frats too. Just keep following your GOP leaders into oblivion. Go back to the dorms GDI

      12 years ago at 11:16 am
      1. The Bro Abides

        I’m a KA at Roanoke and no leftist has ever been let in during my 3 year tenure

        12 years ago at 1:13 pm
  1. TrickleDown

    While Super Bass is certainly bad, Nicki Minaj’s worst song is definitely Stupid Hoe. If you can survive that song all the way through, you are a stronger man than I am.

    12 years ago at 4:17 pm
    1. TheKentuckyGentleman

      I’m worried by your ability to determine one Nicki song to be worse than another

      12 years ago at 4:46 pm
    2. TrickleDown

      ^pretty sure that’s Stupid Hoe. I dare the bravest of you to watch the music video as well.

      12 years ago at 7:03 pm
    3. Ragingandhazing

      Bitch can’t even pronounce the word “hoe right”. Might just be me, but I hear “stupid how”.

      12 years ago at 8:05 pm
    4. Stay Frosty

      Sweet baby Jesus. If you were considering looking up the video Stupid Hoe after reading these comments please save yourself the pain.

      12 years ago at 10:21 pm
    5. Ragingandhazing

      Making pledges listen to this might even cross my line of too much hazing….it’s that fucking bad

      12 years ago at 6:45 am
  2. ARMY FRAT

    Being Stationed In Germany. The Krauts play all five of these songs over and over.

    12 years ago at 4:18 pm
    1. carolinahaze

      He’s one of the few of his kind who doesn’t spend 100% of his waking hours krumping and chugging sizzurp. In the minds of democrats this is enough qualification to hold political office.
      November can’t come soon enough.

      12 years ago at 4:59 pm
    2. scbro91

      Its funny because you think republicans actually stand a chance of winning this election.

      12 years ago at 11:17 pm
    3. Brobert F Kennedy

      “In this creative form of auditory torture, Flo Rida proceeds to make the audacious claim of “I’ll be president one day.” Sorry Flo, it’s great that we have our first black president and all, but I think Obama has at least one or two more qualifications than you.”

      ^
      Fuck You

      12 years ago at 1:41 am
    4. Richard Head

      ^^,^^^ Barry’s approval ratings are consistently extremely low, spiking only when some major event occurs, such as Bin Laden’s death, etc. I firmly believe that the stupid white “independent” fucks that voted him into office will wise up and see through his bullshit this time around. Not to mention he’s alienated the entire Jewish vote as a result of his stances towards Israel, as well as what a dick he is to Netanyahu on a regular basis. But I digress. Despite how stupid the American public is, I hope and pray they come to the realization of how hard Obama will raw dog this country up the ass if he is allowed four more years in office.

      Oh and fuck you both.

      12 years ago at 3:45 am
    5. johnwallofKD

      My goodness, let me guess. You support Obamacare too, scbro?So what are you talking about? Currently, Obama’s approval rating is 41% according to CBS News when it sunk nine points from last month. He has not had the highest average approval rating since Clinton, who’s average approval rating was 55%, because G.W. Bush’s average approval rating was 49.4% and Obama’s average approval rating is 49%. Now with that stated, Clinton and Bush had two eight year terms, but if Obama gets re-elected and doesn’t grow a ball sack, I could foresee Obama having the worst average approval rating in history due to his “hope” and “change” rhetoric not coming through for the United States.

      12 years ago at 6:45 am
    6. scbro91

      Then you have no concept of history. James Buchannon has the worst approval ratings in history, followed by a host of other shitty presidents we have had, including GHWB, JC, HT( who was hated during his time) Warren Harding, US Grant, Martin Van Buren, John Adams, John Tyler, I could go on…….

      12 years ago at 7:53 am
    7. scbro91

      Also, why would an independent vote for someone as batshit insane as Santorum or Gingrich, or a fucking dumbass like Romney. Face it, the republicans had a good chance to win but fucked it up with these candidates.

      12 years ago at 7:54 am
    8. johnwallofKD

      No, scbro, you were clearly implied the comparison of the average approval ratings of Obama, G.W. Bush, and Clinton. Do not go off topic on to a history discussion to try pussyfoot out of not being correct. By the way, my degree was in constitutional history. I know James Buchanan was an awful POTUS and I can spell his last name correct too.

      12 years ago at 9:30 am
    9. scbro91

      Constitutional history, oh no! At least maybe you are educated enough to understand that the United States is not a christian nation.

      Also, fact check me. At 3 years in Bush and Obama are at comparable levels with neither one having a clear lead. Except for 2 weeks at the start of the Iraq War, when people were fucking retarded and thought it was a good idea.

      12 years ago at 9:55 am
    10. johnwallofKD

      Cite your sources, pal. I can’t fact check if you don’t cite them. You could be getting your sources from Wikipedia for all I know. Don’t bring up religion and it’s relationship to the US federal government because people are just too dumb to understand it.

      12 years ago at 10:53 am
    11. Hope none of you ‘fratstars’ come into office. That would be a sad day in politics. The difference between Obama, Romney, etc. vs you, is they actually graduated from university. Frat on, bro, and make sure your daddy’s supporting you.

      12 years ago at 11:18 am
  3. anon7472974648

    Wait, I thought “Sexy and I know it” was just a song from an M&M’s commercial? You’re telling me it’s more than that? Dear God.

    12 years ago at 4:23 pm
    1. Wilco Frat

      ^That commercial is fucking hilarious. “Oh it’s THAT kind of party?!”, then immediately gets naked. FaF.

      12 years ago at 7:11 pm
    1. carolinahaze

      ^This. Dubstep in general is god-awful, but that fucking song sounds like two fax machines raping each other.

      12 years ago at 4:54 pm
  4. Sleazy Asshole

    Pretty good list, but you forgot “ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass.”

    12 years ago at 4:40 pm
    1. Sleazy Asshole

      Every time I hear that fucking song I want to jam hot iron prods in my ears.

      12 years ago at 5:02 pm
    2. snobro

      Sure, whatever. If a song can get slams working their backsides and grabbing your pole you can’t say anything bad about it but that’s my experience.

      12 years ago at 12:15 am