The 5 Worst Songs in America Right Now
13 years ago

I’m not sure what’s happened to popular music in the last 15 years, but it’s safe to say it’s gone from “Really bad” to “How are they even calling this music anymore?” It seems that every day another overproduced, oversimplified excuse for music comes out that would be much better used at Guantanomo Bay. I’m here today to highlight 5 such songs that truly deserve special recognition for their ability to make ears bleed at will.

“I’m Sexy and I Know It”

Is there anything really left to be said about LMFAO? After bringing us the catchy but mediocre polished turds of “I’m in Miami, Bitch” and “Party Rock Anthem,” one would think that this dysfunctional duo would have called it quits by now and enjoyed the millions of dollars they clearly don’t deserve.

How a group that looks like the aborted offspring of Sasha Baron Cohen and a retarded lion can make any claims of being “sexy” is truly beyond me. Every time I hear the astoundingly intelligent lyric, “Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, yeah” a little part of me dies on the inside, and a much larger part of me wants to commit random acts of violence.

Who knew that you could take five repeated phrases and throw them on top of a shitty techno beat and become a millionaire?

It looks like the jokes on us, and the name LMFAO might be a little more prophetic than we realize. These guys are clearly laughing their fucking asses off about how successful their are, while we are forced to listen to their melodic genocide every time a girl is in charge of the iPod.

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    5. Richard Head

      ^ Jobless, whining gypsies that like to congregate in major cities and bitch about successful corporations.

      13 years ago at 3:49 am
  3. Itsadeepburn

    I feel sorry for later generations. Sadly it will only continue to get worse

    13 years ago at 4:56 pm
    2. The Frat Czar

      We need to keep that old school country spirit alive. George Strait, Garth Brooks, Brooks & Dunn, Clint Black, and Dwight Yoakam all night long.

      13 years ago at 12:35 am
  4. AriGold9

    All of these songs make my ears bleed. But Pitbull definitely deserved to be on the list.

    13 years ago at 5:00 pm
    1. Sir DampTrousers

      Amen sir. I’d rather stick my dick in a vat of dry ice then listen to a Pitbull album.

      13 years ago at 5:17 pm
    3. FratDaddy CU

      I’d rather stick my dick in a vat of dry ice THEN the wood chipper than listen to a song featuring Flo Rida OR Pitbull

      13 years ago at 11:50 pm
  5. Erald Fratterson

    Pretty sure every song LMFAO makes is a fucking joke, but somehow ends up on the radio and millions of tone deaf teenagers fall in love with it.

    13 years ago at 5:22 pm
  6. Leges

    if you listen to rap music, you will agree with that Nicki Minaj is in fact a (decent, okay, acceptable) female rapper. just her flow, rhymes, and beats, not the contents of her songs.

    13 years ago at 5:25 pm
    2. Davy Crockett

      If you are an avid connoisseur of feces, you will agree that diarrhea is in fact a (decent, okay, acceptable) form of defecation. Just its flow, smells, and sounds, not its actual contents.

      13 years ago at 5:44 pm
    5. MOMOgotMojo

      female…rapper. Davy Crockett said it quite well. fuck yourself Leges, do laps until you die.

      13 years ago at 7:27 pm
  7. ice cold frat

    Oprah is a Dyke would like to respectfully disagree with your sentiments about Tyga.

    13 years ago at 5:33 pm
    2. WhiskeyBent

      Srat city bitch srat srat city bitch 1010 10 dishes baking in the kitchen bitch

      13 years ago at 7:24 pm
    1. TKEpledge

      Yes, that is what it said. Congratulations, you can read. It really is nice to be able to read. Reading helps with all sorts of everyday activities, such as say schoolwork, paperwork, or even getting onto TotalFratMove.com. The astonishing thing about reading is that we learn it at such a young age. Many have been reported to be reading magazines while popping out their mother’s vagina. Unfortunately, as their are early learners, there are also late bloomers like yourself. These men are characterized by failing classes, bombing their ACT/SAT, and ultimately being forced to go to a community college or non-competitive school like North Eastern Oklahoma A&M, Texas State, or the University of Alabama. Its sad to be limited to such low quality educations, but it’s comparable to seeing hungry black children on the television: You can’t help, all you can do is watch. Okay fine, you laugh a little bit too. What was I talking about again? Black people are funny? No….Oh yeah, Reading is important. Congratulations on finally mastering this art.

      13 years ago at 2:27 pm
    2. Hazing since 1789

      ^ You misspelled “There” and “It’s”. Be sure to not lace them up so you can trip over them while you run your infinite number of laps backwards and skipping.

      13 years ago at 4:15 am
    3. fourtyone

      And you incorrectly wrote “to not,” which should be “not to…” I’ve even got your bottle of bleach nice and chilled for you, waiting for you to finish your laps.

      13 years ago at 9:58 pm