The Founding Fathers Make Us Look Like Pussies, Drank Three Times More

Harrison Lee10 years ago

It is our God-given, American right to drink, and drink heavily. We are men, and we drink to excess. It’s a trait that we’ve picked up from our fathers and their fathers.

However, we may be letting our ancestors down. It seems that we have progressively dropped the amount that we are consuming over the generations.

From The Atlantic:

“Right after the Constitution is ratified, you could see the alcoholic consumption starting to go up,” said Bustard. Over the next four decades, Americans kept drinking steadily more, hitting a peak of 7.1 gallons of pure alcohol per person per year in 1830. By comparison, in 2013, Americans older than 14 each drank an average of 2.34 gallons of pure alcohol—an estimate which measures how much ethanol people consumed, regardless of how strong or weak their drinks were. Although some colonial-era beers might have been even weaker than today’s light beers, people drank a lot more of them.

Shit, well that’s a little slap to reality. This isn’t even a LeBron versus Jordan, or Bonds versus Aaron debate. They flat out are destroying us in the ability to throw back more than a few. Instead of downing an 18-pack, they were taking down 54. What would our average look like if we didn’t have Wade Boggs? I don’t even want to think about it.

We need to step up our game, fellas. What better time to start than America’s birthday week? Do it for America; it’s what the founding fathers would want..

[via The Atlantic]