The Great Adderall Drought of 2011

Now that fucking finals are here, everyone has decided to go soft and hit the libraries instead of the bars. Truthfully, this isn’t a bad idea and I probably should do the same, but a crowded library is something I don’t want to imagine, and definitely don’t want to experience. Naturally, I planned on studying the same way I have every year: waiting until the absolute last minute, popping some Adderall, and learning a semester’s worth of material in 24-hours. However, if you aren’t already aware, Adderall, AKA motivation to all of you who use it, has been on short supply. In fact, experts have referred to the shortage as the Adderall drought of 2011, and it has been increasingly hard to come by.

I was lucky enough to find this out the other day while trying to pick up some vitamin A from the kid in our house who always has the shit. Everyone knows who he is. He’s that kid that for some reason was prescribed Concerta, Vyvanse, Ritalin, Adderall and Focalin all at the same time and the doctors never made him pick which one made him feel right. His demeanor half-way resembles a zombie or a meth tweeker depending on whether or not he has tests, and he always has extra pills. You know…that guy. Anyways, after I stopped by his room for a brief, awkward interaction that involved me watching him scratch his neck and try to feign disappointment for making a shit ton of money after the break before finals, I was pretty much screwed on finding anything. I decided to call around to anyone and everyone who I thought might have a little study pick-me-up, but to no avail. I was SOL and going to have to actually study the old-fashioned way.

Unfortunately enough for my procrastinating ass, the last amphetamine ship has sailed this holiday season and I’m stuck here writing off of the cheap rush from combining 5-hour Energies and long-cut. Apparently I was unaware there is another holiday for college students that comes right after “Black Friday” and “Cyber Monday” called “Time to fucking visit your Adderall dealer because he’s going to be out of that shit real soon Tuesday.”

But seriously, this drought is starting to make people concerned. It’s not only the college student scholastic aptitude bubble that’s about to bust, this stimulant recession is out to kick some major ass and burst some serious fucking GPA bubbles elsewhere. I don’t know if you are aware, but a LOT of shit gets done because of amphetamines. Gasoline may power the trucks that ship our goods cross-country, but Adderall is doing the heavy lifting when it comes to keeping the interesting folks who operate big rigs awake during the 48-hour straight haul-a-thons they perform on a weekly basis. But it’s not only truckers, folks, we’re talking about electricians, engineers, doctors, lawyers, teachers, students…I mean the list could go on forever, because this drug that was pitched as a non-addictive cure for ADHD has been substituting for coffee for the past 15 years, and people are finally becoming aware of it. A shortage of gasoline isn’t what this country should be worried about. No…we have a lot more to worry about with the fact that we can’t get our meds.

What’s even more compelling about this drought, and the outcries by those needing their fix, is that there have been reports that Adderall may not even be a cure for ADHD, but a placebo. I don’t know the science of it all, but I can tell you one thing: I call bullshit. Speed makes studying a lot more bearable and significantly shortens the time it takes to gather information. Then again, I don’t have ADHD, but neither do a large percentage of those prescribed the drugs. We know it makes it way easier to do shit that we have no desire to do, so who wouldn’t want to jump on the damn train? The white knights of the world can preach all they want about health risks and how it is unfair to take a drug in order to get ahead in school, but they can save their breath. If telling college kids not to do something unhealthy was all it took, bars wouldn’t spring up all over the outskirts of campuses natonwide. As for it being “unfair” to take performance enhancing pills without a prescription…fuck off. Seriously just fuck off. Just because you are pissed that someone else takes half the time you do to get the same grade doesn’t give you the right to be a bitch. Be happy you’ll live twice as long and never know the pangs of heart arrhythmia.

For now, I wish all of you an extra helping of good luck on your finals during this awful Adderall depression. Since all-nighters are going to be incredibly more painful for those of you who missed the speed boat like I did, I understand why you decided to continue reading this long ass column instead of studying for whatever the hell you don’t want to be studying for. I can’t focus either. FUCK.

    1. Frat Daddy ISU

      Anyone who has a scrip, next trip to the doc ask about the patches they have for ADD. They work wonders, especially when you hit the point of “shit, I think I took too many with my 2 redbulls” (symptoms include Michael J Fox esk shakes borderline lock jaw and a heart that feels like it’s going to pound out of your chest) all you do is peel one patch off and continue feeling like your living the first half of the movie limitless for the next 4-6 hours…

      13 years ago at 5:27 pm
  1. PhiGamma

    For any of you have OCD-ADHD like myself, we all know we can’t live without our fix.

    13 years ago at 11:55 am
    1. southerncostas

      Admitting you have it is admitting defeat. I just like my shit exactly how I like it and I day dream a lot.

      13 years ago at 12:29 pm
    2. fratanomics

      Admitting you have it is admitting defeat. I just like my shit exactly how I like it and I day dream a lot.

      13 years ago at 1:16 pm
    3. IamaG

      I had no idea there was a shortage and I have a prescription too…I had problems getting it for it finals week last semester, but haven’t had any troubles this year, and neither has anyone I know.

      13 years ago at 1:21 pm
    4. high kapp

      For any of you have OCD-ADHD like myself, we all know we can’t live without our fix.

      13 years ago at 2:54 pm
    5. DirtySouthern

      Whoa. What if this whole site is just one dude who takes a shit ton of Adderall.. and me…

      13 years ago at 6:32 pm
    6. Tallapoosa Snu

      you just blew my mind. What if you’re the guy who takes all the adderall and is everyone on this site, but you mentioned that there may be a guy who takes a bunch of adderall and is everyone on this site, just to see my reaction? Or what if I’m the guy that takes a bunch of adderall and is everyone on this site and I just typed that as you and its only me on this site?

      13 years ago at 4:35 pm
  2. Bro420

    Interesting fact: Adderol is regulated by the DEA and therefore has capped levels of production. Any shortage is a result of the government not allowing the market to reach equilibrium. That and prescription controls.

    13 years ago at 1:16 pm
    1. fraterati

      Maybe you should go back to the library and read case law, FrattyLaw, and get the fuck off of this website.

      13 years ago at 6:08 pm
    2. fratanomics

      No it’s a patent, not a copyright. Take a lap.

      “A court battle over patent rights, scheduled for October, will now be dropped. Shire claims the drug is protected by patents until 2019, but the City feared it could lose the case, enabling Barr to launch perhaps as early as next year. Now, Barr will start selling Adderall XR in April 2009.”

      13 years ago at 7:43 pm
  3. PoloFuckThatHilfiger

    60mg vyvanse is a hell of an experience. Thank God my crazy sister got her dosage upped right before finals

    13 years ago at 1:18 pm
    1. Big XII Frat

      Stealing Vyvanse from your sister who has severe ADHD and can all but function without it. TFM

      13 years ago at 4:45 pm
  4. Thatsororitychick

    Thank god my connection had some and is getting another shipment in tomorrow whoot!!!

    13 years ago at 1:19 pm
    1. Fratrick Swayze 1856

      Your “connection” is getting another “shipment”? I would probably take whatever this kid is pushing with a grain of salt

      13 years ago at 2:04 pm
  5. Tsaund

    Boys, I have some good news, There is a substance out there called 1,3-dimethylamylamine hcl that’s used in most pre-workout products, but you can buy concentrated doses of it online. A lot of my buddies and I use it as a study aid and it works very well, and it’s easy to get.

    13 years ago at 1:20 pm
    1. YouwereDeltwith

      ^Speaks the truth. It works real well, I use it in my workouts and for studying. However, I lucked out and one of my brothers had plenty of addy. This explains why I’m on here right now instead of studying…

      13 years ago at 1:46 pm
    2. PTBAP

      ^^A brief description of what he’s talking about

      13 years ago at 1:49 pm
    3. Alpha Frat

      So I got some, hurts like hell to snort. It does something, but it’s definitely no adderall. Also got some stuff called adralin, works better.

      12 years ago at 1:18 am
  6. Majestic Bald Eagle

    Buying the entire prescription from you’re Addy dealer so you don’t run out. TFM.

    13 years ago at 1:23 pm
    1. Chadbrochocinco

      “your”, the word you were looking for was “your.” Take a lap, chief.

      13 years ago at 1:33 pm
    2. Frocket to the Poon

      Going to jail for buying drugs in bulk that middle schoolers take instead of just getting a prescription. TFM.

      13 years ago at 1:42 pm
    1. KingOfTheBROcean1855

      ^^ You’re one of those guys that reads Playboy for the articles, huh?

      13 years ago at 1:09 am
    2. Zamerson1868

      i started to “Not have any” and run out of my 180, 20 mg perscription because dumbasses don’t know how to sell and sell the shit for $2 each. I do enjoy being the last person people contact however because i know if they are coming to me they know the price

      13 years ago at 3:21 pm
  7. Strawsome in Texas

    Swapping to the generic of Addy isn’t too bad, it isn’t on a shortage, and I’ve noticed you can get more work than usual done.

    13 years ago at 1:36 pm