The House Dad’s Letter to Administration

Dear Dean of Student’s Office,

This letter is an acknowledgement of your recent communications regarding the events that allegedly took place the night of October 24th, 2011. To reiterate, the exact charges involved a three pronged accusation: (1) a violation of local burn-codes in our courtyard, in the form of a couch previously located in our chapter room, (2) the subsequent launching over the fence, towards **** (the neighboring fraternity), and (3) the alleged spraying of fire extinguishers onto pledges of aforementioned fraternity.

I am contacting you with the intention of pointing out the obvious holes and flaws in these tactless accusations. I was completely present and aware of all activities occurring beneath my house’s roof, and I can vouch that none of these claims hold weight.

Regarding the first charge, I can attest that there was, in fact, an extremely controlled couch-burn in our courtyard at approximately 2:30 AM of the night in question. We had a full crew of Associate Members completely prepared to douse any flames that became threatening. The couch burning was a pivotal part of our house’s ritual, and for obvious reasons I cannot disclose the intricacies of the ceremony, as they are protected by the secrecy of our brotherhood.

The second charge is where the true inconsistencies shine through. I assure you, that the transfer of said couch from one courtyard to the other was only a sign of good faith, as our houses have dealt with some adversity in recent history. We doused the flame down to essentially small embers, and delivered the couch promptly in polite retribution for the now infamous couch heist of 2010, which I’m sure we remember all too well. Why the opposing brotherhood found this gesture so offensive is truly beyond me, as we were very persistent in making our intentions clear.

The final charge is the most appalling of all. Never have I heard of a fraternity facing charges for simply ensuring the safety of another breathing human being. The simple fact is, the members of **** fraternity made the unfortunate mistake of allowing the embers on our peace-offering couch to reignite, thus creating a fabric inferno on their basketball court. The brothers of my house simply reacted to **** fraternity’s negligence, and acted only to ensure no injuries occured. Knowing the public relations nightmare that would occur from a pledge receiving second degree burns made the pledges our prime targets for dousing. As a direct result of our actions, no one was hurt. I feel like we should be commended instead of punished for this swift action in the face of danger.

In conclusion, I emphasize that each of these charges should be immediately dropped with no further consideration. Any other choice of action would be both ignorant and harmful to the Greek community as a whole. I eagerly await your reply, and the revocation notice as well.

House Dad, **** Fraternity

    1. World_Police

      “Associate Members” so i’m going to have to take a shot in the dark and say this was Lambda Chi?

      13 years ago at 3:51 pm
    2. Ari Gold

      ^^ lots of fraternities’ national offices require chapters to “officially” call pledges associate members. The word pledge tends to be frowned upon by administration and those who don’t know any better for public relations reasons.

      13 years ago at 4:21 pm
    3. Active09

      I think Fraternity Dad is another name for the alcoholic alumni who can’t get over college life.

      13 years ago at 5:00 pm
  1. EQK

    “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our female party guests – we did.”

    13 years ago at 3:43 pm
  2. Artemis

    The couch burning was a pivotal part of our house’s ritual, and for obvious reasons I cannot disclose the intricacies of the ceremony,as they are protected by the secrecy of our brotherhood.

    Works like a charm.

    13 years ago at 4:26 pm