The Knicks Are The Worst Franchise In Sports

Siblings of Mark Wahlberg9 years ago

Being a Knicks fan is the worst curse in all of sports. Yes, I realize the Browns title drought makes ours look like a thirty second preview before Titanic, but this is fucking New York. What I mean by that is simple: who the fuck wants to live in Cleveland? It’s like Lions fans who bitch about that godforsaken franchise; sure, you don’t win anything, but frankly, you’re lucky any professional athlete not mandated by the rules of the NFL Draft chooses to call your shantytown home. Sorry.

New York is the greatest city on Earth. It has everything on the world’s biggest stage. Yet, for basically our entire lifetimes, there has been a Chernobyl-esque cloud of radiation eroding the athletic ability of players and the cognitive functions of executives.

Phil Jackson, probably the greatest basketball coach in the history of the game, is now the latest victim of the big apple. Though, in fairness, I liked the Rose trade, as losing a Sideshow Bob doppelgänger and a low-ceilinged guard for a former MVP was a low-risk, high reward move, the Knicks are still looking as hopeless as ever.

Currently, the roster is comprised of perhaps the most selfish players in the NBA. Carmelo, though he possesses the skill to be a sort of “LeBron-lite,” an elite playmaker and facilitator running the offense from a point forward type position, he has instead entrenched himself as a volume shooting offensive clog, demanding an exceptionally high usage rate compared to assists.

Before the trade, this was sort of okay. When your second option is a teenage rookie and your best pure shooter is Arron Afflalo, a guy can get away with stagnating the literally “offensive” offense. However, now you have Rose, who, if he doesn’t tear an ACL driving to the stadium (maybe just get a driver, Derrick) holds the ball captive like it’s the Lindberg baby.

Aside from the two-headed ball hogging monster on the perimeter, Porzingis, though by far the best move Jackson has made since taking the reigns in New York, is another “shoot first” player, displaying, even as a rookie, a preference for forced (and repeated) shots to trusting his (admittedly horrible) teammates.

Amazingly, this team doesn’t even have 76ers style “let’s tank” hopes, as repeated trades netting nothing of consequence have hamstrung the Knicks for years to come, and the supposedly still open “window” for Melo and now the perpetually-wounded Rose are trending towards closed.

Now, Jackson will probably sign Dwight Howard or Joakim Noah to give the team some semblance of a front line, if they can be convinced to take a totally undeserved max deal spanning their early and mid 30s, but does anyone really think a core of Melo, Noah, and Rose, all of whom are undeniably on the downsides of their careers, can even put a momentary scare into LeBron and the Cavs? Shit, I like the Pistons roster better than that.

The Knicks’ stretch of ineptitude has not yet reached an epic duration, so take this as a warning: if you are not a die-hard fan, get out now. The Jackson era, though it may spawn a couple playoff berths, will never net a championship. This team has no legitimate path in the next 10 years (and no, Durant isn’t coming to NYC, and even if he did, they wouldn’t win anything because he has the killer instinct of a dandelion) to the Eastern Conference Finals, let alone a championship.

At least someone born into this misery such as myself will have the comical relief of watching a guardless 2016/2017 Knicks attempt to become the first team ever to sport three 20+ shot per game starters and a negative turnover:assist ratio.

Move over Browns fans, enjoy your Cavaliers as we drive the bus towards perpetual sports fandom hell..

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