The Non-Affiliated Friend Who Hangs Around Every Fraternity House

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He’s the most polarizing figure in Greek life. The topic of unnecessarily long “should he even be here?” chapter discussions that have left a few resentful brothers irritated when the fraternity continually gives him clemency. Both a ringer on the intramural field and a sly-talking, wise-cracking, huge-swinging dick in any social setting, having him associated with your letters is only an advantageous union. There’s just one problem. He never rushed.

How this maverick swindled the “pay to play” system varies from house to house. Maybe he’s a university athlete with straightforward coach emplaced bans on joining, but more than likely he’s just a defiant asshole that was hometown boys with half your organization. He’s the roommate of three brothers, the high school teammate of five others, and less than six degrees of separation with actives’ past, present, and future girlfriends. The kid is a souped-up sex McLaren and your fraternity is the toll free super highway allowing him to burn rubber and crush puss.

Now that’s obviously going to rattle a few members’ cages, especially when they’re both current on their dues and on a drought comparable to an Oklahoma carrot farm in a Dorothea Lange photo (read a damn history book for me one time). But what this independent casanova lacks in financial contribution, he more than makes up for in brand equity. Darren Rovell would spontaneously combust out of sheer excitement if he saw the value this non-affiliate adds to the fraternity.

That flag football championship you gleefully display front and center in the trophy case? Won on his golden arm. Your newfound domination of the local bar scene? Guess who already had his foot in the door? That small entertainment LLC he started freshman year that you laughed at is actually paying major dividends. Parties and charity events have never been better. Ying Yang Twins and Waka Flocka back to back years for your philanthropy concert? Yeah, that’s a big time operator.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that he carries more clout in the organization than the brothers who are constantly sent on supply runs during recruitment to avoid interaction with potentials. The kid has actually brought around more eventual initiated members during rush than 99 percent of the chapter. Both beneficial to the fraternity and himself with more guys having his back and allowing him to stick around without paying a dime.

He’s the face of the franchise, yet not on the team at all. The Drake to your Toronto Raptors. An ambassador that any charter on campus would love to have. Those who disprove of his presence around their fraternity are simply envious. The kid found a damn loop hole — enjoying all the advantages of Greek life with none of the inconveniences — and gets to play by his own set of rules.

The shiesty bastard didn’t go through “the best time you’d never want to experience again” in pledging. He doesn’t have to sit in on three grueling hours of “going off what brother so-and-so said” each week at chapter meetings. Not once did he ever hastily bullshit and fill out Nationals’ standards of excellence packets last minute to keep in good standing. No, he just shows up whenever he pleases, and he never has to worry about being fined for missing trifling sorority dance competitions.

But don’t knock the hustle of this independent friend who many consider an “honorary brother.” Just appreciate his game.

  1. StoryTeller

    We have a “honorary brother”. Real cool guy. Like you said, old friends with everyone, fun, athletic, etc etc. Flash forward to parents weekend sophomore year. Normal festivities take place. We had an early football game that Saturday so we planned a BBQ at the house for the afternoon. Good food, sunny and cool outside, cornhole, friends & family. It couldn’t have been better. As the sun was setting I began wondering where my parents, my girlfriend, and her parents were….a search I would soon wish I never started.

    As I went through the somewhat quiet house (everyone was outside), I could hear deep house music coming from a third floor room. As I opened the door to investigate, my life would change forever. What I found in that room makes me wish I never lived. I found “honorary brother” ramming my girlfriend from behind while he made my mom get behind him and tongue punch his fartbox. My father was on his hands and knees in the corner with a collar and leash tied to the table barking like a dog. And my girlfriends parents were wearing nothing but neck ties sitting at the desk commentating on the activities like Mike Tirico and John Gruden on MNF.

    9 years ago at 9:47 am
      1. Bid Notice

        Don’t get too ahead of yourself, this is one of the first real solid comments he’s made.

        9 years ago at 12:43 pm
      2. StoryTeller

        Someone’s always raining on my parade. I just backed out of my summer internship so I could clear the schedule for my writing and move to HQ in Austin.

        9 years ago at 1:26 pm
  2. fratstar570

    There’s also the non-affiliated friend who still comes around after not receiving a bid who the rest of the fraternity hates. Similar to the Steve Holt of Grandex in many ways.

    9 years ago at 9:50 am
  3. A-Coke

    Haha bro we have a dude like this named 2Turnt and he’s so frat but not as frat as me

    9 years ago at 9:50 am
  4. backdoorDorn

    Where’s the story about the fatherless grandex employee that hangs around every playground??

    9 years ago at 10:10 am
  5. Trilliam Shakespeare

    Ah yes, the age old saying, life is not about what thou know, but who thou know.

    9 years ago at 10:24 am
  6. Frat Kaminsky

    Of your “honorary brother” is a weird drug dealer, but nobody has the balls to tell him to get the fuck out.

    9 years ago at 2:03 pm