The Return of Tiger Woods


Hell yes. Sunday red is back in style, finally. I really missed that shit. Watching Tiger pull away from the field on Sunday while wearing his “Fuck you” red is something we, as sports enthusiasts, have really missed. It’s one of the greater things in modern sports. Truly dominant athletes are a rarity, so when they come along, I’m all on board with them making as much history, and destroying as many competitors, as possible. I’m talking TRULY dominant, “no one is in my league” type of athletes. That’s fucking Tiger.

After a tumultuous 30 month hiatus away from hoisting any kind of PGA Tour trophy, Tiger adds another victory to his historic career. This makes 72 PGA wins, one behind the Golden Bear. Tiger won in style, too. When many thought his off-course troubles and uncertain health of his knee would plague the rest of his career, he won going away, beating second place finisher Graeme McDowell by five strokes to win the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill. Is Tiger REALLY back, though? The Tiger I saw on Sunday sure as hell is. Clue number one was the frequency of his club twirl. You golf fans know what I’m talking about. When he twirls that club after a shot, you can bet dollars to doughnuts the result will be perfect, or at least damn close to it. He was twirling that club like a motherfucker on Sunday. His tee shots were finding the short grass. His iron play was pure. And his flat stick was on point. And maybe as important, he was just out there having fun. It was all over his face. Whether he can continue this caliber of play is still uncertain, though. I hope he continues to play like this. Golf needs it. Hell, I need it.

Whether people want to admit or not, Tiger’s victory pumped some good old-fashioned spirit back into professional golf. Yeah, the Rory McIlroy story has been cute and fun to watch. Little, quiet, freckled kid from Northern Ireland with the flawless swing overcame his late round yips problem, and eventually climbed his way to the top of the golfing world. It’s great. But there is nothing like some cocky, troubled, intimidating, morally reprehensible, dominating American badass raping and pillaging his way through a sport. Again, that’s fucking Tiger. So, what’s next for the man who made the color red a Sunday tradition?


Well, The Masters. Round one begins Thursday, April 5. Tiger’s win at Bay Hill suddenly makes the Masters much more interesting. All eyes will be on the two-headed monster of McIlroy and Woods. Will they put on the show we are all hoping to see? Will Tiger continue the pace he set in Orlando? Will his knee hold up? All make for an intriguing story line. I, for one, hope Tiger shows up in a big way in Augusta. I’m ready for America to take back the PGA. Tiger is our American badass. And The Masters, well, that’s America’s tournament.

I’m taking Tiger.

    1. toss me a bronson

      It is also worth mentioning he 3-putted four times, so he really should have won by 8 or 9

      12 years ago at 9:01 pm
    1. Downwind


      Having a bad round, hitting 7 balls in to the water on purpose, then withdrawing. Way TFTC.

      12 years ago at 4:55 pm
    2. Dr Frat MD

      Saw JD out on Dickson one night, lighting $100 bills on fire. The definition of TFTC.

      12 years ago at 5:39 pm
    3. John Lee Frattimore

      Bubba wears camouflage golf pants in tribute to our military.

      He has also stated publicly that his real passion is fishing, and he’s just playing on the Tour for a few years so that he can retire on his boat.

      Conclusion: Bubba = FaF.

      12 years ago at 10:38 am
  1. Fratermaker

    This makes 72 PGA wins, 10 away from the Golden Bear.” Correction, Tiger is 1 win behind Jack and 10 behind Same Snead.

    12 years ago at 4:23 pm
  2. More Frat Than You

    Bubba has also been playing well lately. I can see him taking the Masters

    12 years ago at 4:24 pm
    1. Cigar Aficionado

      I don’t care how good he is at putting. He can’t handle the greens at Augusta. He’ll barely make the cut…

      12 years ago at 4:42 pm
    2. blowisfrat

      Have you ever seen Bubba play, you ugly piece of shit? His high fade could stop dead on any green. God damn.
      And as a sidenote Bubba is notoriously a douchebag on tour, and thus FaF.

      12 years ago at 6:27 pm
    3. Cigar Aficionado

      Bubba is FaF. I’m a fan of him. I actually saw him blow his lead two weeks ago at Doral, you ugly piece of shit. Augusta is just a little different, pal. Last year, Bubba’s high fade at Augusta wasn’t really stopping dead on those speedy greens at Augusta…

      12 years ago at 6:41 pm
    4. Mitchapalooza

      Bubba has the game to win any Major. His distance makes every subsequent shot much shorter than field. And he can shape the ball at any distance from any angle. However, he is developing a repution of “can’t handle the pressure.” Sure he’s won some tournies, but he’s blown the lead more often. Regardless, he’s the most entertaining to watch.

      12 years ago at 8:45 pm
    5. Sir Broseph III

      Bubba has never finished higher than 20th in the Masters, finishing on average at 33rd in 3 tries. We all love Bubba, but Augusta isn’t his course.

      12 years ago at 3:29 am
  3. futureleader14

    It’s funny how so many racist comments are made here about black people, yet we all adore Tiger.

    12 years ago at 4:30 pm
    1. FratfricanAmerican

      I’ll be the first to say, there’s a difference between successful black men and moon crickets. And I hate moon crickets so much more than the rest of you, because it makes it so much harder for people like me who actually want to go somewhere in life and do something to be taken seriously.

      12 years ago at 8:18 pm
  4. futurestradeCME

    Still won’t bet on Tiger at Augusta, regardless of this win. I’m taking Webb Simpson, Jason Dufner and Nick Watney (who I think will be the strongest out of the three).

    12 years ago at 4:36 pm
    1. Titleist_BroV1x

      Nick Watney won’t do shit at the Masters, and I’m saying this as a huge fan of the guy. His game just isn’t on this year.

      Good column, Dorn.

      12 years ago at 8:34 pm