The Return of Tiger Woods
13 years ago

 

Hell yes. Sunday red is back in style, finally. I really missed that shit. Watching Tiger pull away from the field on Sunday while wearing his “Fuck you” red is something we, as sports enthusiasts, have really missed. It’s one of the greater things in modern sports. Truly dominant athletes are a rarity, so when they come along, I’m all on board with them making as much history, and destroying as many competitors, as possible. I’m talking TRULY dominant, “no one is in my league” type of athletes. That’s fucking Tiger.

After a tumultuous 30 month hiatus away from hoisting any kind of PGA Tour trophy, Tiger adds another victory to his historic career. This makes 72 PGA wins, one behind the Golden Bear. Tiger won in style, too. When many thought his off-course troubles and uncertain health of his knee would plague the rest of his career, he won going away, beating second place finisher Graeme McDowell by five strokes to win the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill. Is Tiger REALLY back, though? The Tiger I saw on Sunday sure as hell is. Clue number one was the frequency of his club twirl. You golf fans know what I’m talking about. When he twirls that club after a shot, you can bet dollars to doughnuts the result will be perfect, or at least damn close to it. He was twirling that club like a motherfucker on Sunday. His tee shots were finding the short grass. His iron play was pure. And his flat stick was on point. And maybe as important, he was just out there having fun. It was all over his face. Whether he can continue this caliber of play is still uncertain, though. I hope he continues to play like this. Golf needs it. Hell, I need it.

Whether people want to admit or not, Tiger’s victory pumped some good old-fashioned spirit back into professional golf. Yeah, the Rory McIlroy story has been cute and fun to watch. Little, quiet, freckled kid from Northern Ireland with the flawless swing overcame his late round yips problem, and eventually climbed his way to the top of the golfing world. It’s great. But there is nothing like some cocky, troubled, intimidating, morally reprehensible, dominating American badass raping and pillaging his way through a sport. Again, that’s fucking Tiger. So, what’s next for the man who made the color red a Sunday tradition?

 

Well, The Masters. Round one begins Thursday, April 5. Tiger’s win at Bay Hill suddenly makes the Masters much more interesting. All eyes will be on the two-headed monster of McIlroy and Woods. Will they put on the show we are all hoping to see? Will Tiger continue the pace he set in Orlando? Will his knee hold up? All make for an intriguing story line. I, for one, hope Tiger shows up in a big way in Augusta. I’m ready for America to take back the PGA. Tiger is our American badass. And The Masters, well, that’s America’s tournament.

I’m taking Tiger.

  2. FratGundy

    I can’t say Tiger Woods is back until he is walking down 18 at a major with a big lead.

    13 years ago at 4:41 pm
  4. Brotavian

    Fuck you all. As frat as Tiger is, he is a disgrace to the game of golf. It is a gentleman’s game and he is the exact opposite of that. It’s appalling that any of you tolerate his absence of class, yet you even praise him for it. He is the definition of scum. He has destroyed the name of golf in the same way Fratdusky destroys small boys.

    13 years ago at 5:17 pm
    2. spittersnsperrys

      ^^right and getting shitcanned, checking out the cart girl, and spitting dip on the course is exactly what the founders of golf had in mind. fuck you, you tryhard

      13 years ago at 5:26 pm
    7. George_Washington

      He has disgraced golf in the same way Reagan disgraced America during his Presidency!

      13 years ago at 4:52 pm
  5. Brotavian

    I don’t behave like that on the golf course. Off the course, all bets are off, but I have respect for the game.

    13 years ago at 5:31 pm
    2. Tits or GTFO

      Fuckin try hard. It is hardly disrespectful to get drunk, dip and check out the cart girl while golfing. As long as you throw away your shit and don’t damage the course or it’s property you can do whatever the fuck you want out there.

      13 years ago at 5:39 pm
    5. Reagans disciple

      Brotavian you’re a douchebag. If we weren’t supposed to check them out our clubs wouldn’t make the cart girls hot. Go fuck your putter, seeing as you have so much respect for it.

      13 years ago at 9:40 am
  7. FraturdayNightFever

    Tiger Woods heard golf is gonna be an Olympic sport so he decided he could start trying again.

    13 years ago at 9:12 pm
  9. Ragin KAjun

    Hell yea, Dorn. Can’t wait to see that green jacket on with the red underneath.

    13 years ago at 9:57 pm
  10. fratmydickbitch

    Phil Mickleson = GDI, the only reason I say this, is because of his man tits and the fact that he’s either playing really good or really bad, Tiger’s only had one bad dry spell and he just got out of it. Also, it wasn’t even that bad, the last two master’s he’s finished tied for fourth so he’s definitely my pick.

    13 years ago at 10:07 pm
    2. Richard Head

      First off, your logic is awful. The man has 3 green jackets, his most recent of which was 2010, Tiger’s last was ’05. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tiger, but Mickelson is in no way a geed. If Phil Mickelson is a GDI then Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is the frattiest motherfucker alive. Think before you speak.

      13 years ago at 1:08 am
    4. fratmydickbitch

      haha i’m not going to lie your comparison of me calling Mickleson a geed, and then your comparison of calling the situation the frattiest man alive made me bust out laughing. And yeah there’s just something i’ve never really liked about Mickleson, don’t know what it is, just never have cheered for him.

      13 years ago at 3:35 am