theo epstein chicago cubs

Cubs President Theo Epstein Got Absolutely Wasted Last Night And Gave Incredible Interviews

theo epstein chicago cubs

When you play an integral part in helping a beloved MLB franchise break their 108-year World Series drought, you bet you’re going to party a bit. And that’s exactly what Cubs President Theo Epstein did last night after the Cubs pulled off a dramatic win in Game 7 of the World Series, beating the Indians 8-7 in extra innings. After the game, Epstein got absolutely wasted. And, as you’d expect at Game 7 of the Cubs-Indians World Series, there were cameras everywhere hoping to catch a glimpse of the front office exec. And he didn’t disappoint.

First was this dual interview with longtime Cubs fan Bill Murray.

Cubs win AND you’re partying with Bill Murray. This must be a dream, right? No? Real life? Holy Spiderman shits, Batman.

That was before Theo announced he was going on a bender (as if we didn’t already know that).

I’m not sure who Jed is or who he’s in charge of. My best guess is that’s what Theo calls himself right before he goes on a three week bender of bath salts and prostitutes. Kinda like shouting “Daddy’s home, bitch!” right before you jizz in her left eye.

Eventually, Theo stumbled his way to Fox 32’s cameras, where he was in tip-top form.

“Fuck you” is right, Theo. You’ve now reached Nick Saban levels of untouchable in Chicago. You could’ve whipped your dick out, punched a hooker in the face, and snorted a line off her unconscious ass while on local TV and you’d still get the key to the city in the morning.

Fuck the “Summer of Gronk.” It’s going to be the “Winter of Theo,” and I couldn’t be anymore excited.

  1. BetaThetaBye

    Theo should be in the Hall of Fame right now. The man is a baseball genius.

    8 years ago at 1:31 pm
    1. ShockTop

      Hope that after shitting on the rest of the league for a few years with the Cubs he gets bored and joins my Padres. Great ballpark, absolutely horrible franchise history.

      8 years ago at 3:04 pm
    1. Siblings of Mark Wahlberg

      Incredible GM, but not the greatest mind in sports. At this point that has to be Riley or Bellichick. Building consistent champions in a league with a hard salary cap (such as the NBA and NFL) is much more difficult than big market baseball teams with endless pockets.

      He did an incredible job in Chicago, but the core of that team (Bryant, Baez, Rizzo) were already in place before he arrived. Signing Lester was huge, Fowler a brilliant move to bring back, and the deadline deal for Chapman a major win.

      But Bellichick wins his division every year for over a decade while systematically dismantling his team of its seemingly best players, refreshing the roster, and winning again. Riley is the greatest salary cap manipulator of all time, in any sport.

      8 years ago at 3:07 pm
      1. 21st Century Goose

        Some day I want to love something as much as Norv loves running dives on first down.

        8 years ago at 6:54 am
      2. Tuco_1855

        Jesus Siblings, you really thought Bryant and Rizzo were already in place when Theo got there? Theo traded for Rizzo(who he drafted in Boston) right when he took over and he drafted KB almost 2 years into the job. What the fuck are you talking about? Literally ONLY Baez, Wood, and Contreras were pre-Theo. Every single other person was drafted or traded for by Theo. And Theo’s not the GM btw.

        8 years ago at 8:28 pm
      3. Theregalrattle

        I’m honestly starting to think verbal anise gets you aroused. Only thing that could explain the constant stream of bullshit you spew

        8 years ago at 7:31 am