These New Vape Flavors Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid

WJ Cope9 years ago

What’s up, bros?! If you’re anything like me, you understand that vape is life. There are a lot of great E-liquid flavors out there, but I’ve taken it upon myself to invent a few more for you and your boys to try out. Pretty soon you’ll be seeing these at Bernie Sanders rallies and in prank videos all over Southern California.

“Go Suck a Tailpipe”

Kind of a long name, but this flavor really captures the essence of inhaling vehicle exhaust. It’s very nice to take a puff of this after a long day working at the mall kiosk. Just walk in the door, kick off your white Vans, and relax.

“Haterade”

Did some frat douche in your lecture hall make fun of your sick new Affliction T-shirt? Fuck that guy, he pays for his friends. When you fill the room with the smoke from this flavor, everyone will know that you love your haters. After all, they’re what made you who you are today. That goes for your parents as well, as it’s not your fault that they don’t support your decision to drop out three years into your Liberal Arts degree.

“Tropical House”

This fruity concoction will help relax you while you come down from some bad Molly at EDC. Just be careful, that security guard might try to rough you up if you blow this in his face while he escorts you out. This one is also good for when you’re laying down killer beats in the basement with your bros.

“Gluten-Free”

I’m not even sure what is in this one, but gluten sure as hell isn’t. With this flavor, you can feel health-conscious while inhaling harmful levels of formaldehyde. The capsule isn’t even labeled, but this isn’t necessary. I know you’ll be telling everyone within earshot that it’s gluten-free.

“Wanderlust”

If you’re looking for a flavor that captures the essence crowded streets of Bangkok and the stench of a packed hostel in an Eastern Bloc nation, “Wanderlust” may be the adventure you’ve been looking for. This will especially be a hit with college girls who share posts about how experiences are more valuable than material things from their gold iPhones.

“PC Vape”
When you whip out this new flavor, people will tell you that you’re the man. Those fucking pigs. They think they can associate masculinity with desirable traits like that? That’s not PC, brah. Finally, it’s possible for you to get your nicotine fix while fighting the patriarchy.

“Wine Cooler”

In my opinion, there aren’t enough E-liquids for when you’re trying to turn up. This one is going to change the game forever. Who cares if none of the three girls you invited to your dorm party ended up showing? You and your homies can still puff on this as you get fucked up on three wine coolers and a corona. After all, those frat parties have nothing on you and five friends playing King’s Cup until you can see the Sun.

“Spring Break”

This is yet another fruity one, and it’s meant to get you all psyched up for your spring break. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What could be better than you and five of your bros from high school renting a room at a Motel 6 in Mobile, Alabama and trying to get a 21+ wristband in clubs? Doing all that shit while filling the humid air with this noxious odor, of course..

Image via Shutterstock