These Were The Most Right Swiped Athletes In Olympic Village According to Tinder

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It’s no secret that the athletes’ housing at the Olympic Village is one of the raunchiest places on Earth. When you take a bunch of amped-up, godlike athletes at the pinnacle of their youth and beauty and jam them in a tight, high-stress environment, you’re bound to get what Wally Bryton recently called a “giant fuck fest.”

For obvious reasons, athletes took to using Tinder like wildfire. Now that the games are over, everyone’s favorite hook-up app has publicly announced which type of sport is the sexiest based on athlete “right swipes.” Let’s look at the numbers, via Mashable:

Men’s Sports

1. Tennis
2. Weightlifting
3. Gymnastics
4. Sport Shooting
5. Judo
6. Boxing

Best News For You:

If you’re anything like me, once you heard about the behind the scenes orgy at the Olympics, you wracked your brains looking for an obscure sport a shitty athlete like you could sneak your way through the qualifiers of to get in on the action.

Sport shooting is on that list at #4. Granted, you have to be an amazing shot. You’re probably still better off moving to a small island nation and being the only person there that knows how to curl (Cool Runnings style). But at least with sport shooting, you don’t need to be superhumanly fast and strong to still get a berth in the top 6 sexiest sports. Time to dust off the old pump-action, boys.

Plus, the USA came in 4th behind Italy and China in terms of total medal count in sport shooting this year, which is unacceptable. It’s your patriotic duty to fucking do something about that.

Biggest Upset: Swimming/Basketball

Okay, gymnastics, judo, boxing, weightlifting. Highly physical sports requiring lots of muscle mass and strength. Makes sense. I even get tennis, because guys like Federer can charm the pants off of a nun. But I’m surprised the swimmers and the basketball team didn’t crack this list.

Swimmers first: basically all of them have washboard abs, and the medal concentration at least among the Americans is dense. Phelps being the most decorated Olympian in history ought to be like a gravity well of sexiness, pulling in right swipes like a black hole. My only explanation is that as many right swipes as Phelps brought in, they must have been canceled out 1:1 by Lochte’s gross hair. Either that or the general pale, clamminess of swimmers.

The basketball players just don’t use Tinder, I’m thinking. They don’t need to. They had girls hand delivered to their cruise ship.

Women’s Sports

1. Table Tennis
2. Field Hockey
3. Rowing
4. Weightlifting
5. Rugby
6. Swimming

Biggest Upset: Volleyball

Table Tennis and Field Hockey at #1 and #2? Okay, I do not understand this list. Women that play kind of lesbian sports are super hot for some reason? Where the fuck is volleyball?

Come on Olympians, get your heads in the game.

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[via Mashable]

Image via YouTube

  1. Anal_Conundrum

    Swiping right on table tennis just means they’ve always had an Asian fetish

    8 years ago at 4:58 pm
  2. Bro-hann Sebastian Bach

    And not a single pic was posted. Go fuck yourself dr franzia.

    8 years ago at 5:01 pm
  3. Jim_Harbaugh

    The fact that women’s soccer is not on there automatically destroys all credibility of the report. Alex Morgan alone definitely got more swipes than everyone who has ever played table tennis combined

    8 years ago at 5:01 pm
    1. Saber and Key

      Alex is unfortunately married.

      Also, important to note that a lot of the soccer teams (including US) weren’t in Rio. There games were all over Brazil in other cities up until the semis and final, so I don’t believe the soccer teams stayed in Olympic village, hence explaining the lack of swipes.

      8 years ago at 7:21 am
  4. CalamariTuesday

    Michael phelps has a fiancĂ© with a kid on the way…he’s not going to be on tinder.

    8 years ago at 5:21 pm
    1. BobMotherFuckingBarker

      Big Sexy has no need for tinder since there is constantly a swarm of ladies surrounding him.

      8 years ago at 6:55 pm
  5. ShockTop

    The reason butch chicks and dudes from bitch sports (most weight lifting dudes are essentially just fat) get the most swipes is because those are the only people on there trying to get laid. The rest are already in relationships or have enough game to get some out of the village.

    8 years ago at 6:21 pm
  6. StockWithFrock

    The real sports are going to be lower on the list because they have less time for pleasure whereas someone who is playing ping pong? Bro they could just bang all day.

    8 years ago at 7:08 pm
  7. TaylorSwiftsPubeGroomer

    It’s sad that fuckin’ lame ass Chive posted this exact article 3 days ago, Fuckwad

    8 years ago at 7:10 pm
  8. BuckWildBevo

    Theory: the women that were most swiped right were the easiest. If you watched one women’s rugby match you know a single match is the most action they’ve ever gotten from another man

    8 years ago at 11:34 pm