This Bar’s List (And Descriptions) Of Banned Customers Is Like A List Of Drunk Superheroes

This list, from the Half Moon Pub in London (Herne Hill to be specific), reads like it was dictated by Jason Statham. Goddamn, nobody speaks English like the English.

Just look at this list of lunatic alcoholics. It’s like the Suicide Squad of winos. One Armed Keith, Mickey Two Suits, Fat Paul, Crazy Linda, Fat Cap Coke Fiend, That Blonde Bitch. These people have all been stabbed with a broken bottle on a weekday.

My favorite name, by far, is Adam the Deaf Guy. I can only imagine how they threw him out for life.

“Oy, I don’ care if that wanker cunt litruhlly can’t listin tuh the rules, if ‘e in’nt gonna follow ‘um ‘e can fuck right off!”

Staring Pervert is also solid. At least five readers of this site are named that by some college town bartender.

And don’t think you can fool the Half Moon staff by changing your appearance. As the note next to Danny Partridge’s name clearly indicates, if you get fat, the Half Moon notices. 

Obviously, though, the craziest banned customer of them all is Jason. Just “Jason.” There’s tens of thousands of people in London named Jason and dozens of people on that list with extremely colorful nicknames, and he’s still just “Jason.” Everyone in that bar knows what Jason did, and what he’s capable of. But no one speaks of it. Jason is a name only the shadows dare whisper. Pray Jason doesn’t come around after a few too many pints.

This is now on my bucket list of bars to visit, but unfortunately it’s been closed since 2013, thanks to flooding. I assume Jason was involved. Thankfully the Half Moon Pub is slated to reopen late in the summer this year.

No one tell Jason.

[via Twitter]