Throwback Thursday: Classic Football Coach Rants

Over the years there have been many classic football coach rants, and recently Coastal Carolina Coach David Bennett and his ridiculous mustache added a story about a “kitty cat” during a presser that will be remembered forever.

“We don’t need no meows, we don’t need more cats. We need more dogs.”

Oklahoma State’s Mike Gundy had an unforgettable outburst defending his players from media scrutiny. He exploded after a newspaper article attacked one of his kids, and unfortunately experienced one of those moments of extreme anger where you think you are making sense, but later realize you have no idea what you said. His speech is passionate and filled with several nonsensical quotes.

“Comer after me! I’m a man! I’m 40!”

Arizona Cardinals Coach Dennis Green had an outburst for the ages after blowing a 23-3 lead to the Chicago Bears in the 4th quarter. His diabetes quickly flared up and he stormed away from the podium.

“The bears are who we thought they were! And that’s why we took the damn field!”

Back in 2002, Jets Coach Herm Edwards finally cleared up the question people have been asking since the beginning of time: “Why do you play the game?” Apparently you play to win. Before this speech, the classically sarcastic use of the phrases “Hello?” and “Duh?” were thought to only be used by high school girls chewing gum.

“You play to win the game! Hello?”

You can’t have a column filled with classic football coach rants and not include Colts Coach Jim Mora’s disgust when a reporter asked about his shit-ass team making the playoffs.

“Playoffs?! Don’t talk about, playoffs?! You kiddin’ me?”

    1. Golden Goblet

      Hey, if you’re not here to get first then why are you here? You play to win the game.

      13 years ago at 11:14 am
    1. 5 Apples

      Yeah CCUFratDaddy, you go to a school that is 5min from the beach and has some of the most beautiful women in SC. Shut Up.

      13 years ago at 6:59 pm
    2. Fratatonic

      @5 Apples, More like 20 minutes from the beach and “most beautiful women in SC.” You’ve gotta be shitting me. Let me redirect you to Columbia, Clemson, and Charleston for girls that don’t wear bump-its and ed-hardy regularly.

      13 years ago at 11:04 am
    3. 5 Apples

      this isnt twitter you fuck, dont “@“ me. I’m from Columbia and thats why I said “SOME OF THE MOST” learn to read bottom tier scum

      13 years ago at 12:41 pm
  1. Sir Fraterton

    Could have added a bonus (non-coach) rant featuring Allen Iverson differentiating between practice and a game.

    13 years ago at 11:13 am
    1. Fratudo

      Was thinking the same thing. “What are we talkin’ about? Practice? We talkin’ about practice.”

      13 years ago at 11:46 am
    1. Bronan the Barbarian

      You don’t send them a transcript to get in, you send them $10 and they put in the fall freshman class. Probably one of the shittiest schools on the east coast. Kids I went to high school with that were all goth and emo in high school are now there. Kids who failed basic math in high school.

      13 years ago at 1:48 pm
    2. CCUFratDaddy

      somewhere everybody goes freshmen year to get good grades then transfer out of this hell hole.

      13 years ago at 2:02 pm
    3. southcar89

      Coastal Carolina is the ECU of South Carolina.
      it sucks and there are stds everywhere.

      13 years ago at 11:11 am
    1. Sensei_Frat

      ^This. The senior class of that year actually included that in their graduation video because they loved it that much. He kind of had a point. Kind of.

      13 years ago at 11:47 am
    2. aOoOPARTY

      ^ I agree. brought to me by the mother of a child… thankkkk you captain obvious. I’ll prob be quoting him until I too am the mother of…children…

      13 years ago at 2:18 am
    1. GoFratWin

      yeah i was wondering why Bob Knight wasnt included in this column. he is up there with the frattiest coaches of all time.

      13 years ago at 10:11 pm
  2. grandfrat

    im just glad Coors Light is now making money of these.. good for you Coors Light, way to get paid off the misfortunes of others.. TFM

    13 years ago at 12:39 pm