Throwback Thursday: More Doctors Smoke Camels

WARNING: If you are mid-Adderall-fueled-finals-cram-session, and don’t have some type of nicotine nearby to inject directly into your blood stream, you may become violent.

The reasons for preventing tobacco companies from pushing their products on television are pretty cut and dry. Still, there was a golden age in advertising when they were allowed to use cartoons and pay celebrities to endorse their deliciously addictive and deadly merchandise. With a little help from The Flintstones, and some good old fashion chauvinism, even Winston seemed FaF.

If that commercial aired today, there would be 12 year olds strutting around chain smoking cigs, telling their mothers to get back in the goddamn kitchen and make them a sandwich. Kids would be getting tossed from Little League games for lighting up on the mound, then blowing smoke in the umpires face and calling him a cocksucker. We’d have killed bin Laden on 9/12.

Can you imagine a world where you’re encouraged by your TV to suck down smokes while you waterski? I didn’t even know they had menthols in the 50s, and nobody told me people were going around tandem ski-flirting, playing grab-ass and buzzing hard.

In the 80s, Earl Cambell was ramming the pigskin down d-lineman’s throats, rocking 3-inch inseams, calling people “Skoal brotha,” and throwing in tiny pinches like some type of pussy the entire time. Apparently, my whole life is a lie. “Got the sea, the breeze, got my Skoal, nothing’s gonna make me move…”

“…Except the urge to slam the first piece of poon I see.” You fucking liar, Earl. I mean, look at that lip. I’ve seen shitfaced sorosties feeling a little experimental throw in bigger pinches than that. At least Bill Dance was keeping it classic in ‘85 with Levi Garrett, who apparently hasn’t changed their packaging in 26 years.

On this, the 5th of May, 2011, buy American, and remember that more doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette.

  1. Reaganomic

    Excellent post. I had to go smoke right after reading it. I’m surprised Bill Dance didn’t fall in the water or fuck something up in that commercial. And no matter how small his pinch was, Earl Campbell was still a fucking beast.

    13 years ago at 2:47 pm
    1. 69dodge

      hahahahaha I was expecting the same thing. “You could win a chance to… *splash* DAD GUMMIT!”

      13 years ago at 6:37 pm
  2. MDTFM

    “I hate seeing them work so hard. Let’s go around back where we can’t see them.” TFM

    13 years ago at 3:09 pm
  3. Bropenhagen Long Cut

    TFM intern.. Just when I think you can’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!

    13 years ago at 4:06 pm