Trump Displays Fake Trump Steaks And Water During Victory Speech

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After having yet another successful night collecting delegates, Donald Trump decided that it would be the perfect time to fire back at Mitt Romney for shitting all over his businesses last week. So naturally, in real Supreme Leader form, Trump turned his victory speech into something resembling a strange QVC-esque infomercial for Trump products.

In an attempt to flaunt physical wealth in Romney’s face, Trump had a variety of “his” products paraded around, including Trump Steaks, Trump Water, and Trump Wine. The extravagant presentation had a few strange twists to it, however.

As a number of journalists noticed, the so-called Trump Steaks were not actually Trump Steaks at all. As clearly seen on the individual packaging, the steaks were Bush Brothers.

Fake steaks, really? Despite Donald’s reassurance, Trump Steaks have been discontinued according to The Wall Street Journal. Don’t worry, though. For those of you wanting to know what the Trump Steak experience must have been like back in the glory days, you can still hear all about the prestige of them on the fucking Trump Steak commemorative page that Sharper Image has on their website.

But what good is a phony Trump Steak if you don’t have water that isn’t one of the “purest natural spring waters in the world,” am I right? While Trump Water was actually left out of Romney’s spiel, it was still on full display Tuesday night as a testament to Trump’s entrepreneurial success. Despite its “refreshing taste,” it appears as though Trump Water is only about as good as the glue that holds the label to the bottle.

As tweeted by a reporter at the event, Trump Water is actually bottled by a company known as Village Springs. According to the Village Springs website, which might I add, looks like something made in a middle school graphic design class, its products “are available in the Village Springs label or with your own private label,” essentially meaning that Trump Water is no different than the water you can buy from the street vendor who advertises 50 cent hot dogs.

It turns out that Trump Wine is actually real, granted, the chardonnay sells for $16, which probably tells you all that you need to know about the quality of it, but hey, it’s one of the only functioning Trump businesses he attempted to show off, so take what you can get.

All in all, in a sad and somewhat humorous sort of way, it appears as though Trump is merely hiding behind a façade of meaty lies and cheap water bottle labels. Who knows, after this debacle, maybe going to Trump University just means that you get to take a picture with a cardboard cut-out of him.

  1. maroonandgold

    This is the Trump equivalent of filling up an empty Grey Goose bottle with Smirnoff.

    5 years ago at 9:40 am
    1. TweederDrinksBeers

      Neither do consumers, and that’s why Trump Steaks didn’t make it.

      5 years ago at 3:55 pm
  2. RageEveryDay

    By “fake” I thought you meant they were props/pieces of rubber, which would have been infinitely more hilarious than what actually happened. Fuck you and your misleading headline.

    5 years ago at 9:46 am
  3. FrattibalLecter

    What kind of businessman would think it’s a good idea to sell steaks at the same place sorority girls buy vibrators to make up for my small penis?

    5 years ago at 7:56 pm