It’s Twisted Tea Drinkers Versus The World

PortlandPledgeHazers7 years ago

Walk into any liquor store in the nation and you are face-to-face with literally thousands of different options of alcohol, all of which have one job: getting you blackout so you make an ass of yourself later that evening. Every bottle on the shelves and case in the coolers tells a different story about the person who chooses to buy it.

There are some obvious stereotypes that go along with different types of booze. Someone buying handles of Evan Williams is probably in their sixth year of college or on their way to haze some pledges (or both). Someone buying a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice is on their way home to start a full-fledged war with their roommates. Someone buying a handle of flavored Grey Goose is an insufferable prick who uses the word “slampiece” both casually and unironically. One brand of alcohol which has bent the constructs of alcoholic stereotypes for years, though, is Twisted Tea.

While drinks such as Bacardi Breezers are unanimously considered drinks for women, the status of Twisted Tea remains debated to this day (and no, I’m not talking about spin-off flavors like raspberry; only pure, original Twisted Tea). Walk into a room with a 12-pack of Twea and watch the hostility in the room grow exponentially. Half the room will eagerly ask for one, while the other half will meet you with jeers of “What the fuck are you drinking?,” and, “Might as well be drinking an Ice, you pussy.” As a huge fan of Twisted Tea, I refuse to accept it as a feminine drink. Yet people still refuse to see eye-to-eye on this contentious subject.

Sure, the pieces are there to give Twisted Tea the unfortunate moniker of “not frat;” after all, it is a fruity malt liquor served in a brightly-colored can. Twisted Tea’s most hardened drinkers refuse to give in to these beliefs, however. I believe Twisted Tea to be the perfect level of sweet to where you can drink inappropriate amounts of it without realizing it nor feeling sick, something that Seagram’s Escapes could never bring to the table. Beyond this, Twisted Tea is an amazing mixer/chaser if you really are trying to prove to your friends that you may be a psychopath. Long Island Iced Teas are delicious and powerful, but you know what’s even better? A Long Island Iced Twea — I swear that shit is more powerful than Agent Orange. The price point, drinkability, and perfect blend of flavors sweet enough to enjoy yet bold enough to make you not feel like you’re at a girls night drinking vodka waters make Twisted Tea a solid beverage overall, and perhaps the only masculine sweetened malt liquor.

You’ve heard my input, yet the battle still rages on. To all you non-believers: don’t knock it before you try it. And to the loyal fans: stay strong in your convictions..

Image via Wikimedia Commons