UPDATE: Two People At University Of Illinois Shot With Blow Darts (We Have A Picture of the Dart)
13 years ago

Are campus pranks getting out of hand over the last few days? Or are there some really odd violent crimes being committed? Yesterday, Gamma Phi Beta at Missouri State University had two small chemical bombs explode outside the house’s backdoor, and now some weirdo is going around Illinois shooting people with blow darts. The tipster who sent in the story had an excellent theory.

Two students attacked with Blow Darts on U of I’s Campus….Looks like its time to reevaluate the exchange program with Nairobi A&M

Could the perpetrator simply be a homesick bushman? Maybe. I think we’d all be a little relieved if that were the case, because a random white guy fashioning a dart gun and blow darts is infinitely creepier. This could have been a test run for all we know. If The Blow Dart Killer (TM) strikes again, those darts could be tipped with some sort of depressant to knock out the victims. Next thing those poor souls know they’ll be waking up in a dingy basement, staring at a naked clown with an erection, a hatchet, and a wall full of pictures that have the eyes and mouths cut out.

That’s all speculation, though. Here be the facts:

Spokeswoman Rene Dunn said the first happened about 8:25 p.m. near the intersection of Fourth and John streets.

A 21-year-old University of Illinois student living in Champaign was walking north on the east side of Fourth Street crossing John Street when she felt something sharp enter her left forearm.

“It was a blow dart sticking in her arm,” said Dunn, adding that the woman didn’t see any people or vehicles around her.

The first victim was a female college student. Either I’m right about the serial killer thing or this guy is the scariest date rapist ever.

About 90 minutes later, Carle officials contacted police with a second similar report, she said.

About 10 p.m., a 35-year-old Urbana man was walking east on the north side of Springfield Avenue crossing First Street when he felt a sharp pain in his left forearm that turned out to be a dart. That man also did not see any suspects or vehicles in the area and went to Carle for treatment.

Dunn said in both incidents, police took the darts as evidence.

Whoever is doing this is a master of stealth. That’s terrifying. How close were they to their victims? What’s the range on this dart gun? Were they hiding in a tree or bush? Was it a drive by blowing? Does that last thing mean something else entirely? So many questions, all unanswered. In the meantime, University of Illinois students, you’re pretty much at the mercy of a lunatic stalking you with a dart gun. Enjoy getting blown.

***UPDATE***

Here’s a picture of the dart that hit the 21-year-old girl, sent in by a tipster. Holy. Shit.

BSShop6CIAAIm1D

[via News-Gazette.com]

***

  2. JohnnyWalkinTall

    Those are the darts shot out of your typical $20 blow dart gun that can be found at academy. Can’t see them being anywhere near lethal

    13 years ago at 12:50 pm
    1. Chad_Fratterson

      What about Bacon’s clown with an erection and a hatchet? Could that be lethal?

      13 years ago at 1:52 pm
    2. Steve Frattimer

      yes, that he was definitely on the left side of the victims when he blew the dart. I think we’ve cracked the case.

      13 years ago at 4:28 pm
  6. Old Fratsputin

    Wtf, Bacon, I don’t get an honorable mention for tweeting you this article?

    13 years ago at 2:23 pm
  11. WtF_

    Sometimes I read the first paragraph or two, then try to guess who wrote the column. It’s always easy to tell when it’s Bacon because there’s usually a line like this that gives it away:

    “Next thing those poor souls know they’ll be waking up in a dingy basement, staring at a naked clown with an erection, a hatchet, and a wall full of pictures that have the eyes and mouths cut out.”

    13 years ago at 11:12 pm