Universal 1-10 Hotness Rating System

The ranking of female hotness between 1 and 10 is often times heavily skewed due to lack of real world experience. More often than not guys overestimate hotness because they honestly do not know how hot females are capable of being. Many men might classify a girl as a 9, when in reality she is barely a 4. This is because very few people have had the opportunity to spot a true 10. They don’t know how high the bar has been set. True 10’s are extremely elusive, perhaps even mythical. Their existence is the stuff of legend, a whisper in history by those who witnessed their beauty first hand and were strong enough to survive the shock. What’s it like to see a true 10? Remember when all the Nazi faces melted off after opening the Ark of the Covenant in Indiana Jones? It’s like that. Some girls really are that hot.

1) Trolls

One is the loneliest number, for good reason. 1’s are as disgusting as it gets. It is never acceptable to sleep with a 1. If you bang a 1, you are cursed and shamed for life. It is a scarlet letter of ugly whoredom that will be remembered in paddle speeches for eternity. 1’s are not welcome in public. You’ll never see them on campus or out at a bar. Rumor has it, they lurk in the dungeons of fratcastles at night, like vultures waiting with disturbing patience to reverse rape an unsuspecting pledge who is too wasted and naïve to understand what is happening.

2) Ugly Girls

An ugly girl is an ugly girl. You should all know this definition. She won’t turn any heads, but she also won’t be stoned to death if she’s seen in public.

3) Most Girls

When a girl says that she’s a 5 or a 6, she really means a 3. This is probably the largest category of females on the planet. This is what most of your average slampieces can be classified as. Although 3’s are not ugly, they are certainly not hot. A generally accepted term for a 3 is “cute.” Often times, their faces will be sexy and loadsplosion worthy, but their bodies will be pudgy and amorphous. 3’s have the most potential to rise in class, if only they had the discipline to go to the gym more often and stop eating ice cream when they’re depressed.

4) Most Good Looking Girls

4 is a pretty good baseline for hotness. It’s about as low as you can go before you fall into the “just cute” category. 4’s take care of their bodies and understand their place in the pecking order of hotness. Often times, they have incredibly low self-esteem because they compare themselves to women who are much hotter than they are. They fail to see their own beauty, which is their Achilles heel, and your advantage. This weakness can be easily exploited. Simply reassure her of her own innate beauty and she’ll be slobbin’ knob in no time.

5) The Hottest Girl You Know

Think of the hottest girl you personally know. She is a 5. Don’t argue with it, accept it and learn to set your sights higher. Most guys would hardly have a chance with this type of girl because they rate her too highly. Because she is so highly over-rated her ego drastically inflates, which often makes her a raging bitch. She is a big fish in a small pond, but she thinks she’s the queen of the ocean. The best way to deal with a hot bitch like this is to destroy her false sense of superiority. Publicly demean her and expose her true inner ugliness and she will be begging you to bang her just to verify her own false pretenses.

6) The Hottest Girl You’ve Ever Seen in Real Life

6’s are typically what most guys would overrate as a 9. She is the hottest girl you’ve ever seen. Usually you just catch a fleeting glimpse of a 6 at a pool party or an upscale bar. Although 6’s are extremely hot, they are often the easiest to approach. 6 is where most rating scales top out. Most guys put 6’s up on a pedestal and are too afraid or insecure to approach them. This strange phenomenon actually deters guys from talking to 6’s. This perplexes the 6, who is usually bored and craving attention, entertainment, and cock. Simply walk up and start a conversation. She will respect how big your balls are and hopefully if you play your cards right, she will soon be sucking on them.

7) Celebrities

7 is usually where fantasy rating begins. 7 marks the beginning of the 1%. Only 1% of the females on this planet control 70% of the hotness. It isn’t fair, but neither is capitalism. If you don’t like it, go live in a communist country where hotness is repressed and everyone is the same shade of busted. Megan Fox is the perfect example of a 7. She is so hot and famous that she is virtually out of reach. Most guys don’t have a shit’s chance in a chocolate factory. If you want to get a 7, you’ve got to get famous. 80,000 hits on a YouTube video of you taking a wasabi enema up your ass isn’t going to cut it. You’ve got to be a rock star, movie star, or a titan in the entertainment industry (super agent, big shot producer, etc.) to have any shot at a celebrity.

8 ) Victoria’s Secret Models

These women are simply famous because they are uber hot. Being an 8 does not require any outstanding qualities or skills, other than god given hotness. Most of their life has been given to them on a silver platter. All you have to do to get an 8 is be extremely rich. Being famous is a plus, but not necessary, just cash. Supermodels are like ravens, buy them lots of shiny things, and they will be happy.

9) Porn Stars

9 is the uncontested slam trophy of the modern godless world. 9’s are not only incredibly hot, but they can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose with a smile on their face. You wouldn’t last 30 seconds with a 9. Sex is her craft and she is a consumate professional. She is a sorcerer of sex, a cumshot conjuror. She is so hot that millions of heinous perverts around the world are currently masturbating to her at this very moment. All you need to have to get a 9 is a big dick and the sexual stamina of an oversexed bronco on horse Viagra. To clarify, not every slut who screws dudes on camera for money is a 9. Any number can find success in the porn industry. Even trolls can find work, usually by banging midgets, animals, or something.

10) Legends

10’s are a mysterious force in the Universe. They are not fully understood and cannot be controlled or contained. 10 is a degree of hotness that changes the course of human history forever. The tales and legends of 10’s are passed down from generation to generation over the course of centuries and millennia. A true 10 is like an astronomical event, they only happen every few thousand years. Helen of Troy was a 10. Cleopatra was a 10. True 10 hotness caused global wars and brought entire empires to their knees. Men fought and died because someone HAD to hit it, no matter the cost in public funds and human life.

Some believe that 10’s are all extinct, or perhaps that they never even existed at all. Others claim that they exist, but that no one can live to tell the tale. Their hotness is so overwhelming that anyone who sees a 10 in person cannot help but masturbate to death on the spot. Some believe that the end of the Mayan calendar signals the arrival of the next 10. She will be the prophesized one who will mold and shape the future of mankind with her molecularly perfect ass and tits. Unfortunately we will all have to wait until 2030 when she turns 18 and can finally shoot a Playboy centerfold. This event will mark the end of us. It will spark a synchronized worldwide boner that will tear through the fabric of reality like weak tissue paper, thus ending time and space as we know it.

    1. the fratness monster

      TFM is against this SOPA shit, but refuse to let us comment about the Sweethearts. They won’t let us comment about them so they don’t “hurt someone’s feelings,” bullshit. I hate when people can’t take fucking criticism, especially from people over the Internet. You signed up for it, you deal with it, simple as that. Really, if anyone tries to say a sweetheart is a whale, or looks like Shrek, they are obviouslly a try hard.

      8 years ago at 8:15 pm
    2. Timothy Bryce

      how bout you go try to bang a sweetheart and stop trying to masturbate 5 times a day to one?

      8 years ago at 9:15 pm
    3. Fratterhorn

      Most the sweethearts are good. But one of them failed to win our actual sweetheart competition. That says something.

      8 years ago at 3:51 pm
    4. Frattapalooza

      Uhh, we can talk asbout any on the sweethearts we damn well please, there just isn’t a spot on their particular pages. You can say anything you want about any of them on any of the 10,000 pages on this web site. People will read it, if they like it, they can simply refer to their page. The sweetheart page is nothing more than a consolidated appendix of whores thats 1 click away from any page on this site… thinking that we can’t exercise our 1st ammendment right just because they dont provide a space under the pictures of the faces attatched to pee deserving butts is not the case… so say whatever the fuck you and whereever you want, and it will be read.

      8 years ago at 2:56 pm
  1. Fratlock Holmes

    I’m partial to the Barney Stinson hot:crazy ratio graph plots. My knowledge of the Vickie Mendoza Diagonol has saved me on countless occasions.

    8 years ago at 5:47 pm
    1. amgFrat

      it wasn’t funny i agree. it was a low grade mind fuck with bits of humor thrown in.

      8 years ago at 11:30 pm
  2. Downwind

    What is this shit? When was the last time anyone has been proud of hooking up with a four?

    Also, porn stars are hotter than models? You must be white trash.

    8 years ago at 5:50 pm
    1. Proper Fratire

      ^ This. Seemed like a mediocre scale at best and completely lost me with porn stars at 9.

      I think the scale is more inversely exponential. Easier to climb through the early numbers and almost impossible to climb toward the top.

      8 years ago at 5:55 pm
    2. Yours Truly

      Agreed. The article had great substance. The ranking of porn stars before models destroyed it’s chance of making it through the TFM gauntlet of approval, however.

      8 years ago at 6:19 pm
    3. Rich Mahogany

      Every model isn’t hot just like every porn star isn’t hot. But you know what a hot porn star is capable of- making her even hotter.

      In hindsight if you’re getting boner from the sight of a model in some girly cosmo mag fully clothed then you’re probably a rapist or OprahIsADyke

      8 years ago at 6:32 pm
    4. TrickleDown

      ^Second. He’s just saying that by putting the pussy on a pedestal, you’re only hurting yourself. I think this article’s satire is pretty much in your face, but it is appreciated.

      8 years ago at 6:39 pm
    5. amgFrat

      Its a hidden message. If you rank what you think of as hot lower on the scale, your self confidence increases and slamming is imminent.

      8 years ago at 11:05 pm
    6. amgFrat

      it wasn’t funny i agree. it was a low grade mind fuck with bits of humor thrown in.

      8 years ago at 11:32 pm
    7. frATK

      Proper Fratire, Its called logarithmic. For everyone who passed algebra without realizing this. Logs are the inverse exponential. There you go.

      8 years ago at 12:59 pm
    8. Proper Fratire

      ^^^ I couldn’t think of the term so I guessed. I haven’t taken any math other than stat since high school.

      8 years ago at 3:06 pm
    9. JohnCCalhoun

      I’ll never know this fellow’s opinion on a 9 or a 10 because of that use of “über” as stated above.

      8 years ago at 10:36 pm
    1. qp06390

      Egyptians are more Middle-Eastern than black… I think you should sit the next couple of plays out.

      8 years ago at 5:58 pm
    2. Decadence

      Egypt is in Africa. Cleopatra was African. My statement was correct. Stay at your directional school and don’t you dare type at me again. Besides, Rihanna is hot

      8 years ago at 6:01 pm
    3. frat swag

      Cleopatra was Greek. She was a member of the Ptolemaic dynasty, a family of Greek origin that ruled Egypt after Alexander the Great’s death during the Hellenistic period. The Ptolemies, throughout their dynasty, spoke Greek and refused to speak Egyptian.

      8 years ago at 6:21 pm
    4. KappaGlam1870

      She ruled in Egypt and was born there but most evidence points to her being Greek.

      8 years ago at 6:24 pm
    5. Bros A Bank

      ^this. Cleopatra wasn’t actually that hot, she was just extremely good at manipulating men.

      8 years ago at 6:58 pm
    6. the fratness monster

      What Bros A Bank said. Cleopatra wasn’t considered very attractive. She was however, very capable of seducing men. She was very articulate also.

      8 years ago at 8:05 pm
    7. Alpha Frat

      Helen would have been a better reference for a 10. Also, “It isn’t fair, but neither is capitalism”? Fuck you

      8 years ago at 4:35 am
    1. Chop410

      This. Would you? Or would you not? Cuts out the 3-10 shit you just wasted our time on.

      8 years ago at 6:00 pm
    2. Frat Blue Ribbon

      ^I’ll be adopting this scale. We use a system that places every girl we see somewhere in the 7 rounds of a draft. A first round pick is smoking hot/gorgeous, and an undrafted free agent is a “troll.”

      8 years ago at 9:12 pm
    3. George_Dubya

      I have a great 1 to 100 scale that incorporates letters to indicate things about her personality. For example, a 59L would be a lovely girl who is a great listener when we’re on dates.

      8 years ago at 10:08 pm
    1. The Fratz

      I’ll give you a 4, future 5 for most people. Probably gets harder to be the hottest person someone has seen as time goes on, it’s just math.

      8 years ago at 8:44 pm
    2. tex_port

      I obviously don’t know you, but if you’re in college right now, you already missed the boat on the VS model track. Those girls have been doing print and runway work since they were 13-14. If you’re an 18+ year old and not signed to a huge agency yet, you’ve aged out of modeling. Also, you use words like “mojo”.

      8 years ago at 9:44 pm