Mizzou Protestors Need More Attention, Have Updated Their Insane List Of Demands


Aside from some political bickering at Missouri’s capital, the University of Missouri campus has been quiet lately. There have been no huge racial incidents, garbage human Melissa Click has kept a low profile, #ConcernedStudent1950 has…wait — crap.

On Wednesday, #ConcernedStudent1950, supposedly unhappy with how the campus is still being run, reissued demands it feels the university has not yet met. The demands are the same ones from when they were first issued back in October with more of an explanation for each one and an adorable Prezi presentation to go along with them.

I’d like to focus on the below:

View post on imgur.com

Lucky for ConcernedStudent1950, I can make lists too. Here are questions that I demand #ConcernedStudent1950 answer:

– I see we’re capitalizing “Blacks” now? Is that AP style? MLA? Chicago/Turabian?

– I’m a Mexican-American male, but my skin is white, but my spirit is that of a 62-year-old Asian woman. Do I qualify?

– Can you explain “justifiable circumstances?” Say I decided to go for the Guinness World Record for consecutive weeks drunk and naked and I don’t take any of my final exams. Can I get that semester dropped?

– As we showed last week, protesting is hard work. How do you focus on grades and studying and homework when you’ve gotta be at the quad protest at 3 p.m. sharp?

– Prezi? Seriously?

– Where’s the part about Tim Wolfe announcing his white privilege? Didn’t think that’d be a good idea to bring up again?

– An increase of black faculty and staff campuswide to 10 percent by August 2016 sounds great! Should we look at their applications/resumes to see if they’re qualified or nah?

– 71 percent of the world is covered in water, yet roughly only 6 percent of the Mizzou campus is covered in water. Can I demand it be covered in at least 60 percent of water by 5:13 p.m. tomorrow?

They even want a damn statue put in place where the original protests happened.

The kids are getting out of control with these demands. What’s next?

Yes, Mizzou’s festering wound continues to fester. Personally, I’m a bigger fan of The Antlers demands (except for no. 2.):

I’ll take Golden Girls over mid-Missouri strippers every single time, ya damn heathens.

Image via YouTube

  1. CantStumpTheTrump

    They want to be able to drop an entire semester’s worth of grades so they can skip class to go protest their bullshit cause. Who the fuck do they think they are to “demand” shit like this? Listen up champ, the world doesn’t owe you shit.

    8 years ago at 4:11 pm
    1. Liam2405

      Tell your boy trump to build a wall around these asshats so the rest of society doesn’t have to deal with their ignorance

      8 years ago at 5:05 pm
  2. SNUBonny

    Gosh at
    Kind of see their
    Cause but now I
    They need to move
    On and
    Never come back

    8 years ago at 4:15 pm
  3. Its_Fraturday

    If anyone reading this actually goes to Mizzou, is this serious?

    Are these fucknuts actually still marching around campus demanding these things? And if so, to the best of your comprehension, do they actually believe these things are helping, or are they just enjoying the power of being a mouthpiece for “oppressed minorities”?

    8 years ago at 4:16 pm
    1. AlQaholic

      A few weeks ago they went around disrupting tour groups to preach about racism, they also barged into the Board of Curators meeting here and gave another updated list of demands. Aside from that they usually just disrupt history classes to talk about white oppression.

      8 years ago at 9:24 am
  4. David Brokowitz

    Next: All non white persons of color get their grades boosted by one letter grade to make up for all of the hardships that come with being a minority

    8 years ago at 4:21 pm
    1. Fratasaurus

      Universities are a relic of white privilege and colonialism, down with them all!

      8 years ago at 6:11 pm
    1. Jimmy Buffett12

      Why didn’t you use a number lower than 88? There certainly aren’t 87 Erc_Cartman’s on here.

      8 years ago at 4:44 pm
      1. Eric_Cartman88

        Why didn’t your father use a 75 cent condom from the vending machine in the bathroom when he made love to your mother at the Love’s truck stop?

        8 years ago at 4:50 pm
    2. math_is_hard

      Thankfully these people are as intelligent as they are reasonable, which is why they already blew the one and only load they had all over Time Wolfe’s face (that’s what happens when you act like a straight bitch Timmy). They lost their political power the day he lost his job and now we get to laugh at them as that realization slowly hits.

      P.S. The ladies at Vogue get up on that stage every night and work it hard for that double wide, leave em out of this.

      8 years ago at 11:41 pm