Washington Redskins Defend Mascot By Listing A Filthy, ABSURD Collection Of Other Vulgar Trademarked Names
This list makes me happy — not for any meaningful reason, really. Watching an NFL franchise fight to the death to defend a name that’s not even that cool is just incredibly entertaining to me. All First Amendment arguments aside, “Washington Redskins” is just not awesome enough of a name to ruin your franchise’s entire reputation over. Now, if we’re talking “Washington Tittyfuckers or “Washington Box Munchers,” I’m all in on the defensive for y’all — but that’s just not the case. Considering the team has finished dead last in their division under the Redskins name for six of the last seven years (RG3’s fluke year thrown in there does lend them at least a little credibility), it could be just the right time to change things up.
The Redskins aren’t trying to, though. Not even a little. They just launched their newest defensive strategy, and it’s by far their best one yet. They’ve dropped their “it’s not offensive” shtick and have switched on over to the sly “you’ve said it was okay for years” and “other people are offensive too and they aren’t getting in trouble” defenses. I respect the latter more, mostly because some of the trademarks they listed to the court have absolutely absurd names.
Here are the trademarks they listed in their appeal:
Hot Octopuss anti-premature ejaculation creams
Ol Geezer wines
Edible Crotchless Gummy Panties lingerie
WTF Work? online forum
MILF Weed bags
Gringo Style Salsa
Make Your Own Dildo
Gringo BBQ
Contemporary Negro
F’d Up
White Trash Rebel
I Love Vagina
White Girl With A Booty
Party With Sluts
Crippled Old Biker Bastards
Dick Balls
Redneck Army apparel
Oh! My Nappy Hair shampoos
Reformed Whores musical band
Whores From Hell musical band
Laughing My Vagina Off entertainment
Nappy Roots records
Booty Call sex aids
Boys Are Stupid
Throw Rocks At Them wallets
Dumb Blonde hair products
Take Yo Panties Off clothing
Dangerous Negro shirts
SlutsSeeker dating services
Dago Swagg clothing
Dumb Blonde beer
Twatty Girl cartoons
Baked By A Negro bakery goods
Big Titty Blend coffee
Retardipedia website
Midget-Man condoms and inflatable sex dolls
Jizz underwear
Teensdoporn.com
Milfsdoporn.com
Thug Porn
Ghetto Booty
Bound Gangbangs
Marijuana For Sale
Capitalism Sucks Donkey Balls
Licensed Serial Killer
Yid Dish
Dirty Whooore Clothing Company
Murder 4 Hire
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
Love Is Queer
National Abortion Federation
Pro-Choice America
Abortion Must End Now
Real Feminists Are Still Pro-Life
Heeb
Dyke Night
F·A·G Fabulous And Gay
Wild Injun
Squaw
Off-White Trash
Celebretards
Stinky Gringo
Little Indian Giver
Aunt Jemima’s logo
Chiquita’s logo
Uncle Ben’s logo
Cream of Wheat’s logo
Eskimo Joe’s
Red Man
United Negro College Fund
NAACP
Association for Retarded Citizens
The state of Oklahoma (it means Red People in Choctaw)
Shank the B!t@h board game
Cracka Azz Skateboards
Anal Fantasy Collection
Klitoris sex toys
Omazing sex toys
Not sure how well this list is going to help out the Redskins, but I do know that Hot Octopuss anti-premature ejaculation creams just got a new customer..
[via U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit]
Image via miker / Shutterstock.com
I like how they threw NAACP in there.
10 years ago at 5:34 pmOff-White Trash would be a solid intramural team name if it slid through the cracks.
10 years ago at 5:37 pmPutting in my petition to change our team in IMLeagues right now.
10 years ago at 7:14 pmEverything is awesome when it’s slid through the cracks
10 years ago at 11:22 pmEspecially my weiner.
10 years ago at 1:08 amBold move Cotton
10 years ago at 5:38 pmLet’s see if it pays off for them.
10 years ago at 5:59 pmSpoilers: it won’t.
10 years ago at 6:00 pmIf I’m the Redskins, I wanna change my name after being bad for so long.
10 years ago at 5:38 pmOk.
10 years ago at 5:44 pmOk me again and I’ll send you the video of your girlfriend giving me the butt stuff you never get.
10 years ago at 5:51 pmOk
10 years ago at 6:06 pmWe don’t need to see videos of what you do with your sister during “family time.”
10 years ago at 6:48 pmYou made your account in memorium of a rapist slaveowner. Anything you say doesn’t count.
10 years ago at 7:09 pmOr its satire. Over- sensitive much?
10 years ago at 7:26 pmLaps for that? You peasants need to step out of the 19th century.
10 years ago at 1:07 amRedskins is only offensive to white liberals who get offended on behalf of others.. Hell, they renamed themselves redskins in HONOR of their Native American coach (who actually wasn’t a Native American but that’s a different story)
10 years ago at 5:43 pmYou’re half right. To say only whites who get offended on behalf of others are offended by “Redskins” is inaccurate and ignorant. Plenty of native Americans are offended by it to.
Should they be? Debatable. Are the all liberal? 99% of the time. Are they all white? No and you’re dumb for suggesting that.
10 years ago at 6:46 pmShould you be blackballed? Debatable. Do I call your mom back? 99% of the time. Do I cater to her needs? No and you are dumb for suggesting that.
10 years ago at 8:03 pm“….a 2004 poll had not found that 90 percent of Native Americans were not offended by the Redskins’ name. A 2013 AP-GfK poll showed that 79 percent of Americans of all ethnicities opposed changing it, and just 18 percent of “nonwhite football fans” favored changing it.”
Maybe there are more offended Indians now but only after a concerted effort by the media and liberals to tell them that they should be offended.
10 years ago at 8:23 pmI think Association for Retarded Citizens really sums up the Washington Redskin’s fan base, so yeah go with that one.
10 years ago at 5:44 pmWait. Does Hot Octopuss anti-premature ejaculating cream really work? Asking for a friend.
10 years ago at 5:49 pmThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?
10 years ago at 5:55 pmMormons
10 years ago at 2:40 amThe most NF religion ever. No smoking, no drinking, no Sunday Funday, no coffee, no sex. How those people survive is beyond me.
10 years ago at 11:09 amCan confirm.
10 years ago at 2:31 pmThis is the first time I’ve been proud to call myself a Redskins fan since that fluke season.
10 years ago at 6:13 pmYou took my username
10 years ago at 10:07 pmTheir on to something with the Oklahoma comparison, the rest are irrelevant
10 years ago at 7:21 pm