What Fraternity Guys Say vs. What They Actually Mean

“I’m taking it easy tonight, I’ve got shit to do tomorrow.”

I’m going to spend the first hour of my night drinking beer casually, until an attractive girl I know asks for shots. I will then become the most charming, handsome, confident, and intoxicated brother in the room over a span of 38 minutes. A knee scraping, fight inducing Category-5 blackout will commence. I will still manage to get my shit done tomorrow.

“I’ve slept with that whole sorority.”

I’ve slept with enough girls in that sorority to get blackballed. I’m no longer welcome on their functions, and get vengeful stares as I walk by their house.

“I’m not worried about the test, I spent all week in the library.”

I’m very confident about this test, despite the fact I spent 90% of the past week Facebook browsing and flirting with sorority girls at the library. I will cram the entire day and still manage to swing a B-minus.

“We are a non-hazing fraternity.”

We are going to haze your shrunken freshman balls off.

“It’s not a ‘Frat,’ it’s a ‘Fraternity.’ You wouldn’t call your country a ‘Cunt.’”

I don’t appreciate it when pledges use abbreviations, and will use a spelling error to prove my point.

“The social starts at 9:30 tonight.”

The social starts at 10:30 tonight.

“Motion to amend the bylaws.”

This chapter meeting is taking too fucking long.

“Let’s try to keep the risk level low this time guys.”

A blowtorch is not an appropriate way to instill fear in a pledge training program.

“You should have seen her body.”

Her face looked like an orangutan.

“I’m not that drunk.”

I’m trying to hide how drunk I am.

“I was totally about to bring her home until her friend cockblocked me.”

I didn’t close.

“I’m sorry Professor, but I have to attend my Grandmother’s funeral and have to miss the exam.”

I didn’t want to miss Formal this weekend, so I made up a story. This will be my seventh grandma funeral so far in college.

“You guys want to play golf tomorrow?”

Do you guys want to get cart-crashingly drunk at the golf course, hit on the beverage girl, and shoot an average score of 160 tomorrow?

“Don’t forget guys, we have an intramural game at 9 tonight.”

Please don’t drink heavily before our intramural game.

“We can hang out after I go to Happy Hour.”

I’m going to be at the bar from 3pm-Close. There is no chance I’m seeing you.

“Yes, Mom, I promise I’ve been studying for finals.”

I’ve been at the bars six nights in a row, but due to the wonders of test banks and adderall I will still get an A.

“So rock me momma like a wagon wheel.”

I’ve drank enough tonight to convince myself that I have an amazing singing voice, and will loudly share my newfound talents with the hot girl who has been eyeing my dick all night.

“We’re going to New Orleans for Formal this semester.”

We are going to have to bail a brother out of jail at Formal this semester.

“You look really pretty tonight.”

That dress makes your tits look awesome.

“I fucking love America.”

I fucking love America.

    1. PA_Bro

      ^ America, the best fucking country in the world, can do whatever the hell it damn pleases. By the transitive property, it can be any part of speech. I love to America also.

      12 years ago at 12:21 am
    1. EasyDoesIt

      I only brought sandals with me, which makes it quite difficult to lace them up.

      12 years ago at 8:34 am
    1. Mashholder Stu

      greek row is main street in downtown savannah, just cause you live in athens doesn’t mean we don’t frat either

      12 years ago at 3:59 pm
    2. Mashholder Stu

      no it wasn’t lambda chi, ’cause I remember he had a lax scholarship at SCAD

      12 years ago at 4:31 pm

      you go to savanah yet you say that the north is the best. I dont understand this

      12 years ago at 4:48 pm
    4. southerncostas

      Hahaha masholder, you fucking go to SCAD? No wonder why you’re so pissed off on here all the time.
      And lacrosse if FaF

      12 years ago at 7:31 pm
    5. Fratty McTastic

      There isnt an SAE chapter in Savannah jackass. There definetly isn’t anything called greek row in downtown.

      12 years ago at 10:41 pm
    6. Richard Head

      SCAD is literally the most liberal institution in the state of Georgia, has no Greek system, and I’m confident in assuming that the average student there does not bathe over twice a week. Armstrong Atlantic has an actual Greek system, albeit shitty, it actually has real fraternities and sororities.

      12 years ago at 11:41 pm
      1. Bobby Wallets

        Psssh i would take leftee and toppee to my lair of dissappoibtment in a heartbeat. Who am I kiddin rightee can come too I have no standards.

        9 years ago at 8:04 pm
  1. TheFertileTurtle

    Always fighting over who won’t be intramural captain for that very reason…

    12 years ago at 4:09 pm
    1. Danny Devitbro

      You should keep your laptop on your balls for a while. Don’t want to get any turtle sloots pregnant.

      12 years ago at 9:44 pm
    2. TheFertileTurtle

      Good call, it’s sitting on top of em now. The bottom of the laptop is very hot though and I don’t know how much more Leslie and Nelson can take.

      12 years ago at 3:03 pm
  2. holdin pee in for u

    Even if your drunk as shit, you should still be able to shoot under 100.

    12 years ago at 6:25 pm