Why Country Music Is Almost As Bad As Bieber
11 years ago

Why Country Music Is Almost As Bad As Bieber

When did country music shift from a vocalization of the common man’s problems to the oversexed tight-jeaned sorority girl fantasy that it’s become today? While the classic country party songs we’ve all grown up with continue to be made occasionally, most popular new songs are nothing but love anthems that sound more like single woman masturbatory aids. Imagine if rap music started to degrade into nothing but songs where Ja Rule croaks along with some random R&B slut?

While I know that not all artists are guilty of this blatant pussification, a certain few have taken this undeniably easy path to success all the way to the bank: Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Florida Georgia Line, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Hunter Hayes, Chris Young, Lady Antebellum, and Kenny Chesney just to name a few.

Maybe I shouldn’t judge those who have found the winning formula. After all, I somehow turned my ability to write a viral list with a whiskey drink in hand into a full-fledged career. These singers, on the other hand, have a whole genre on their back. A genre that they’re slowly destroying. While country music is admittedly pretty cliché to begin with, by simplifying most of the songs into carbon copied “If she ain’t a 10, she’s a 9.9” bullshit, these artists are dramatically shifting both the popular conceptions of country music, and any hope of progress for artists moving forward. If all you need are some tight jeans, lyrics somebody else wrote for you, and a crowd of moistened college girls screaming your name, any hope for the rise of a new country music legend begins to die too.

If you’re still in denial about the menstrual sack of shit that country music is becoming, I have a little experiment for you. Sign onto Pandora right now, and go to the Country Pop station. Skip through the songs, because they probably suck, and let me know what you think. Chances are nearly every single one will sound like something that belongs on a middle school farmboy’s mixtape.

You might be thinking, “But every great country singer has love songs, and a lot of them are really good! Also, fuck you!” The issue here is not the existence of love songs in country music. Some of the best country songs out there are about relationships. The main issue here is the overwhelming number of these love songs released lately, and their overall shitty quality.

To prove this point, we’re going to have a little quiz. I’m going to give you guys a song title and a lyric, and you have to tell me if it’s a country song or a Justin Bieber song. Sounds easy enough right? We’ll see about that…

Bieber or Country?

1. One Time
“She makes me happy, I know where I’ll be
Right by her side cause she is the one for me”

2. You
“No one gets me like you when you kiss me
Girl you rock me harder than some downtown band”

3. Stuck in the Moment
“Now you don’t wanna let go,
And I don’t wanna let you know”

4. Set a Place at Your Table
“When there’s a place at your table
There’s a little hope for you and I”

5. First Dance
“I’m gon’ cherish every moment
’cause it only happens once, once in a lifetime”

6. Every Time I See You
“I’d love to say I can hold myself together
But I can’t help but come unglued
Every time I see you, every time I see you”

7. Don’t Give Up On Me
“We both know I can’t grant your every wish
But I want to, baby, you make me want to”

Not as easy as you thought, was it? When telling the difference between country music and Justin Bieber get’s this difficult, I think it’s safe to say that there’s an issue. I rest my case.

ANSWERS:
1. Bieber
2. Country
3. Bieber
4. Bieber
5. Bieber
6. Country
7. Country

***

  2. MassFratter

    All I’m going to do is read the title and say FUCK YOU SFPL. You’re an antiamerican piece of cunt

    11 years ago at 6:04 pm
  5. SouthernZax

    I’ve listened to a lot of country music, both Texas and Nashville. There’s definitely some solid country songs by the guys you mentioned in the article that aren’t that pussified. Don’t really care if someone else wrote their music or they are from Nashville, but Jason Aldean, Chris Young, and Kenny Chesney all have great songs. Use What I Got and Amarillo Sky are solid. Voices is great jam. I Go Back is also a classic. Plenty of legitimate, non-menstrual, twangy country in all of those songs and more. Florida Georgia Line makes great party music that may not be true country but whatever. I’d put Rascall Flatts, Keith Urban, Hunter Hayes and Lady Antebellum in an entirely different pussy category. The rest are just fine.

    11 years ago at 1:45 am
  6. ThunderFucked

    Justin Moore is still awesome and Kenny Chesney is always good at the lake. Still nothing compares to old Haggard and Alabama.

    11 years ago at 2:07 am
  9. Firemarshal1

    TFM is turning more and more to TDH (total douche highschooler) everyday. It’s disappointed, I have even un-followed them on twitter (big deal). They have turned from rugged real American boys to bitch ass forum writers still living out of their moms basement, NF. Who gives a fuck about this shit, tell me about the war hero that kill Obama i mean Osama with bullet signed by Reagan!

    11 years ago at 4:10 pm
  10. SonOfASonOfAFratter

    Yes it is depressing, but like someone else said, you have to take it for what is. I’ll put up with the new party country because girls love it and it can be fun to drink to. But for me, I have 6 CDs in my CD player in my car- Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, Hank Jr., Hank. Jr. Live, Aaron Tppin, and Clint Black. Thank God there are enough good songs from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s that you can’t get sick of it.

    11 years ago at 11:56 pm