Why Girls Should Not Cut Their Hair Short
None of us grew up looking at or imagining ourselves with women rocking a solid scissor fade. Still, over the past couple of years, there has been a disturbing trend spreading across gender lines: pixie cuts. Knockouts such as Catwoman and Hermoine have famously fallen victim to the shorter hairstyle trend and Beyoncé honestly just looked like she was trying to pull off the frat swoop.
If you have any female interaction on social media, whatsoever, you may also have seen Jennifer Lawrence’s new ‘do. Though every chick on the planet begs “Can we just be best friends? Why is she perfect?” you’d only bang her if she lost ten pounds. Now, shedding some lbs. might not even do it. Lawrence didn’t go full-on pixie short, but the results are equally disastrous.
Since most girls “OMG, WANT TO BE” Jennifer Lawrence, I fear this has the potential to kick off a horrible reactionary chain of events amongst the female populace. Girls, I’m here to save you from yourself. If you’re a woman in your prime, short hair is an overwhelmingly bad idea.
If Celebrities Can’t Pull It Off, You Can’t
As SFPL noted in his brilliant social commentary on high-waisted shorts, just because a celebrity or a supermodel can pull something off, does not mean you can. You might look at Rihanna and think “That’s edgy, that’s worth aiming for,” but she also rocks the “I just got punched by my boyfriend” look, so her judgment is questionable at best.
For pixie cuts, the “But celebs are doing it!” logic doesn’t even apply. Watch Anne Hathaway in The Dark Knight Rises and compare it to her acceptance of the award for Les Mis with a haircut you’d drunkenly give a pledge. Watch Emma Watson lick her lips in one of the best .GIFs on the internet and then compare it to her Willard-style combover. Watch Beyoncé in literally anything and then compare it to her trying to pull off her best Roger Dorn flow. Normal ladies, if these fine women can’t pull it off, you don’t even stand a chance.
You Will Stand Out, But Not In A Good Way
There are certain things about girls that a guy only notices if they are spectacular or spectacularly awful. Tits, ass, legs, and a couple other things stand out regardless, but a girl’s eyes are only worth noting if they look photoshopped in real life or if they are hanging out of their sockets. The same logic applies to hair, where outside of blonde, brunette, and easy, the male population will give a collective shrug in regard to her having curled it, straightened it, pulled it up, or having done whatever else she spends an hour and a half doing before she goes out. We only notice the length when it happens to rival our own.
Maybe we take for granted your impeccable sense of style, flawless skin tone, or professionally whitened and straightened teeth, but trust me, if you dress like a moron, if you’re covered in acne, or if you’re chewing on glass, we pick it up immediately. If I even have an opinion on girl hairstyles, by default, it means that the hairstyle either has to be terrible or on Adriana Lima.
They Amplify Your Flaws To Other Girls
If there are acceptable times for a lady to have short hair, it is at the two extremes of her life. My grandma has short hair and it fits her. My 1-year-old cousin does, too, and that’s fine. The difference between them and you is that they have no one to impress. If you’re in the female sweet spot, between the ages of 18 and 28, you certainly do.
“But we don’t cut our hair for men, we cut it for ourselves!” the tired chorus cries out. This isn’t just about impressing guys, though. All of those odd insecurities you have about your looks are only highlighted with short hair. Other girls will notice them immediately as well. If you have bad teeth or some other sort of imperfection, with short hair, you’re putting it front and center. Even if you don’t have a glaring flaw, there’s one thing of which I’m sure: your face is going to look fat. Need further proof? Look at that picture of ole Jennifer Lawrence above and remember that she looked fine before.
This is by far the most idiotic collection of words I have ever read in my entire life. This entire post is simply an opinion, and you can have your own opinion, that’s fine, however telling girls that they can’t/don’t look good because of the length of their hair is ridiculous. I mean what kind of stuck up d-bag gives a shit about something like that? The author of this word vomit is obviously self centered, and can’t see passed his own dick, unless a girls hair is shorter than his. What? Does it remind you of your closet secrets when you’re doing a girl with boyishly short hair? I actually lost IQ points reading something so idiotic. Grow up dude. And in what fucking world is Jenifer Lawrence fat? Someone should put you down. You’re broken.
11 years ago at 1:38 pmYou probably lost some more IQ points writing that book up there. Do you realize that people care about your opinion about as much as you care about the author’s piece?
11 years ago at 6:34 pmMy message to girls: Cut your hair to keep assholes away from you.
11 years ago at 1:49 pmPlus, you’ll look fierce with short hair and these “men” are scared to compete with that.
Girls aren’t here to entertain you, and they’re certainly not here to sit passively next to a man.
This article implies an extreme case of “white man supremacy”, which is vile.
no implications of “white” man supremacy…
11 years ago at 4:09 pmThis article is sexist in so many ways. Making note that Jennifer Lawrence is just fat and the short haircut makes it worse? Way to sound like a total douchebag. I know plenty of men who find short hair attractive and the idea that no woman should cut her hair short because its going to look horrible is just stupid. Its an outdated and archaic idea that women should have long hair. And the comment about guys only noticing things if they’re spectacular or spectacularly awful? Good job on sounding like a sex-driven pig. Which I know not all men are. But this article just reinforces that stereotype. Grow up a little bit, get rid of your own insecurities, and stop trying to push your own aesthetic tastes on others.
11 years ago at 1:51 pmI didn’t read it as sexist at all. Do you ever wonder why everything seems ______ist to you? Maybe it’s not everything else, but you. Get a fucking hobby you losers
11 years ago at 5:39 amDear mr nobody, let me remind you, you like all of us here came out of a vagina. accept it and move on. by the way did i mention a fella called um what was it again the name ah yes JESUS wants to have a word with you. 😀
11 years ago at 1:28 pmI don’t know what I said that you could interpret to mean that I believe otherwise… Of course I came from a woman’s vagina. We all did. Thanks for clearing that up. By the way, Jesus and I are fine, but thanks for your concern.
11 years ago at 8:43 pmOh wow I didn’t know you followed me around and were aware of my every political belief and move! Bravo for you!
11 years ago at 7:12 pmJust because I find something sexist doesn’t mean I’m immediately a butt hurt, overly sensitive, loser. The fact that you assumed I was is cute though. Feel free continue the bigotry. One can only hope you don’t pass on your genes and taint an innocent child.
Every single picture you posted. of the so called ugly girls with short hair, are gorgeous. Just because it doesn’t appeal to your dick doesn’t mean that no man likes it.
11 years ago at 2:03 pmtruth.
11 years ago at 3:59 pmAnd just because it does appeal to your dick (or strap-on?) doesn’t mean anybody else likes it. Some people just have higher standards and won’t settle for an ugly short haircut.
11 years ago at 2:17 amDear nobody (interesting choice of name) Do you believe in God? Maybe a guy called jesus? http://spiritlessons.com/Documents/Jesus_Pictures/Jesus_048.jpg He is trying to get hold of you, he mentioned something about you dissing him and his long hair with some deluded idea of binary gender norms? He sounded pretty well peed off. you had better call him back mate.
11 years ago at 1:14 pmWhat? So my choice in a username renders my comment imaginary and not of our physical realm? Or are you questioning if I’m even human? You caught me. I am a beta Siri for ios129 and I’ve been programmed with a list of infinite algorithms to simulate human conversation with every intricacy and typo a flawed human brain can produ9ce.
11 years ago at 2:54 pmAs a gay man, your opinion on this is kind of irrelevant. It’s like asking a vegan her favorite place to get a steak.
11 years ago at 10:18 pmGirls probably cut their hair short, deliberately refuse to shave, dress as unappealingly as possible to avoid boys like you. If aesthetic maintenance means being subject to your half-baked criticisms, I cannot imagine anybody who would ever want to appear beautiful to you at all. Why? Because you just want to rape women who are weaker than you. You probably think rape is incredibly sexy (or consensual sex that reenacts rape). Or you want to coerce whomever you can manage to drag drunkenly into your bedroom to have compliant pity sex with you because girls have been conditioned through gender scripts to seek validation from appeasing men just as men have been conditioned to embody masculine traits (such as dominating women to prove their strength). I know all of this sounds really funny to you and that just further goes to show how unfortunately shallow, sexist, biased, and uneducated you are (which I will go to the extent of saying is not totally your fault…society, your parents, and your peers all expected you to behave like a boy and like the things that boys like). But most of all, I genuinely feel really bad for boys like you; you could never hope to handle what constitutes a truly valuable woman (and it has nothing to do with her “tits, ass, legs…photoshopped eyes”) which will perpetually position you in relationships that are comprised of nothing more than gender scripted power struggles that will leave you feeling unfulfilled. You will continue to seek women weaker than yourself because acknowledging a woman who is stronger than you mentally and physically is a threat to your manhood, the very premise of your survival. The only reason you want women to lose weight (on a psychological level) is so that she cannot challenge your masculinity, because–to you–it is a woman’s job to be frail. I feel sorry for the girls who have to subject themselves to hours (well, lifetimes) of bodily mortification simply to gain the approval of boys like yourself which means absolutely nothing. Last thing, there is nothing wrong with being attracted to a woman for her sex appeal, but understand that your preference for a feminine appearance is just that–a preference. There is nothing valid about your argument in this article. If you have ever tried to argue the subjective beauty of art or music, then you should understand what I’m saying. You cannot argue that a woman is objectively more beautiful just because she has long hair. And regardless of the amount of support you garner from this article, “groupthink” is not a valid argument.
11 years ago at 2:55 pmTl;dr. Stfu.
11 years ago at 7:22 pm^^ Do us all a favor and take your 11th grade psychology lesson elsewhere. Grown-ups are talking right now.
11 years ago at 9:07 pm^^Really? Enlighten me with your grown up talk please. If you had anything worthwhile to say or to refute my argument then you would have said it. I won’t take my argument elsewhere. If we were face to face, I’d be in your face and would not back down.
11 years ago at 9:17 pmAre you fucking kidding, anonanonymous? If you think your joke of an “argument” deserved ANY response, you’re the dumbest person on this entire website. And since you people have joined because of the article, that is saying something.
I was going to reply, until I saw this pathetic group of words: “Because you just want to rape women who are weaker than you. You probably think rape is incredibly sexy (or consensual sex that reenacts rape).”
You are a piece of shit with no idea what you’re talking about. Go whine on Huffington post where low-lives like you are appreciated. Nobody with any intelligence reads that shithole website anyway, so you would fit right in and not corrupt anybody with your delusions. This is way more of a reply than you deserve. The reason nobody was responding wasn’t because you were in any way correct, but because you were so beyond hope that there wasn’t a point.
11 years ago at 11:00 pmAmen. All these idiots (especially nobody) are just Neanderthals so they don’t quite understand your more than intelligent response. It’s okay boys, go back to your frat house, jerk off and chug some beers. We all know that’s just as far as you’re getting in life anyways.
11 years ago at 7:10 amhow about you try responding to this comment if you have a problem with it? y’all look extremely weak right now, unable to defend yourself from someone who just read you guys like a book.
11 years ago at 9:05 amOh thank you so much! I felt so ugly before this! Then you came with your giant man brain, “and now me gets smarter!” I was going to go work later, but now that I know that my short has caused so many wrongs for so many men… I find myself unable to get out of bed. Won’t you come here and impregnate me, so that you can give me new purpose in life? Please, please, please??
11 years ago at 3:24 pmNice try, but no.
11 years ago at 2:21 amEven though every guy who agrees with this article will comment by saying: “^has short hair and is now self-conscious” or something equally dumb, RogerSterlingJR you really are a gem. If you are thinking this about women, women are most definitely thinking it about you. Your haircut is stupid, your disgusting facial hair (or attempt at facial hair), your taste in fashion? yeesh. Don’t ever forget that while you are judging people and acting like you are the god of everything, people are judging you. But you will say: Oh BurginiaSmunsen, I don’t give a shit what other people think about me. We don’t give a shit what you think about our hair! It’s actually quite hilarious that you think we do! I may in fact cut my hair super short just to avoid men like you. Ick. If you bang any girl who has read your article, please know that they are doing simply it to get laid, not because you are intelligent and worthy.
11 years ago at 3:27 pm^clearly gives a shit because she created an account to lambast an anonymous author over the internet, whose opinion she didn’t agree with.
11 years ago at 12:32 pmIf you start an article with a question, and your whole article could be summarized as “because I said so!”, then please do us all a favour: Stop writing articles. Noboby who does not already agree with you wants to hear your unsubstantiated opinions.
11 years ago at 3:52 pm^then don’t read it, genius.
11 years ago at 10:01 pmholy shit this is fucking hilarious.
11 years ago at 5:22 pmim a woman with short hair, and really, it hasn’t changed my life at all. i cut it because i’m too lazy to do anything with longer hair. it’s easier.
i’m not looking to be sexual appealing to anyone, im not even looking to be appealing. dude, it’s just fucking easier.
the entire article is pretty much based around the idea that, if you’re a woman with short hair, then you’re not attractive. not sure if that was what you were going for, but that’s just how it came off as to me.
anyone can do whatever the fuck they want with their hair. it may not always be a good decision, but if they end up not liking it short, it grows back anyway. so i really don’t see why it matters to you.
and jennifer lawrence is insanely attractive. i dont give a shit how much she weighs, her hair is great and she’s beautiful. just my opinion.