Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts

high-waist-shorts-back

I’d like to preface this one with a disclaimer: I am not a fashion designer. Man, it feels good to get that one off my chest. All I am is a guy who has some strong opinions and a keyboard, and I’d like to take some time out of your day to talk about a fashion epidemic that is making the beautiful asses of the world disappear, one by one.

If the title and that astoundingly subtle lead-in didn’t clue you in enough, I’m talking about the late-’80s craze of high-waisted shorts resurfacing on the rumps of college-aged girls everywhere. If the Bieber Fever epidemic has taught us anything, it’s this: just because something is popular, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a good thing. I’m here to explain why this high-waisted trend has become nearly as unwelcome as the Canadian pop icon himself.

Only Supermodels Look Good In Them

I know there are exceptions to every rule out there. If you REALLY think you know someone who can pull off the high-waist look, then please feel free to email me some photographic proof. For the vast majority of girls, however, this fashion statement just doesn’t cut it.

Sure, the smoking hot supermodels of the world have the ass/breast/waist ratio to make this look happen, but chances are most girls on your college campus don’t come anywhere close. There are plenty of other trendy clothes to wear that don’t make you look like a two-year-old who is overconfident in his potty-training abilities. Let’s leave the “I’m a big kid now!” style pull-ups to the toddlers.

Your Homemade Pair Looks Even Worse

Look, I get it. It sounds like a great idea in theory. You head down to Goodwill, pick up the most mom-tastic pair of jeans you can find, and spend an afternoon slicing, dicing, and acid-washing until you’re left with a seemingly fashionable pair of chest-chokers. If only it were that easy. In most cases, the end result of this scissor-session looks more like your dog went on a destructive rampage in your closet.

If you’re going to ignore my advice and still rock the high-waisted look, the least you can do is own it with a pair of professionally made shorts. There’s a reason that some random 48-year-old gave away those hip blasting abominations. She sure as hell didn’t expect them to be transformed into a $3.50 crafting project for a sorority girl on a budget. Remember ladies, just because you can craft up an amazing cooler, it doesn’t mean you’re quite ready to make a fashion statement with a highrise pair of decade-old Levi’s.

They Make Great Asses Disappear

This is a magic trick that David Blaine couldn’t even pull off, yet these mom jean enthusiasts shock crowds with no sleight-of-hand or magic words required. The second almost any well-proportioned gal fastens that ribcage choking waistband, she might as well proclaim, “Now you see it! Now you don’t!”

Before the feminists start blasting me on Twitter, I realize that not every item of women’s clothing is made for the sole purpose of enticing sexual interest from men. But come on, ladies. These might be hip right now, but they aren’t doing your natural blessings any favors. As the old adage goes, “If you got it, flaunt it, and don’t hide it behind a lung choking tribute to trendiness.”

They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers

First and foremost, I love my grandma. She’s a phenomenal cook, a great person, and writes one hell of a $12 birthday check every year. I just think the categories of “people I want to have sex with” and “my parent’s mother” should never have this much crossover.

It’s a scientific fact that the older a person gets, the higher up their waistline ultimately becomes. It’s like the opposite of the effect that gravity ultimately holds over your nipples. Why speed the process along on your 65-year journey to the old lady lifestyle by dressing like one now?

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  1. Brocephus1855

    Personally, I think they make their ass’s look even better. I’m a fan.

    7 years ago at 2:42 pm
  2. The Prodigy TFM

    Seriously high waisted shorts just suck. Not attractive at all and all girls think it makes them look hipster.

    7 years ago at 2:44 pm
  3. SergeantHartman

    Also if they’re tight enough they can be used to push in a beer belly.

    7 years ago at 2:46 pm
  4. brosiah1776

    Big girls wear them to try to deceive us into thinking they don’t have a gut. I’m no fan of these shorts.

    7 years ago at 2:46 pm
  5. Tuco1855

    They pretend it’s fashion when in reality, they’re only worn to hide love handles.

    7 years ago at 2:46 pm
    1. White Guy

      1) Love handles are in the waste region, makeup is for faces. 2) Find the nearest tall building and jump. fuck you

      7 years ago at 8:53 pm
      1. Penut

        Women don’t even get love handles. they usually gain weight in their lower body. So no..its not some conspiracy to hide love handles. Low rise jeans with a long shirt do that best. The thing is..most men DO have love handles…and wearing low rise jeans under your big bellies look sloppy as hell, so get ready to fit into normal jeans yourselves, boys. Because low rise is on the way out. I do hate how low rise baggy pants look on guys. Really, really ugly. Tighter. higher rise jeans to an inch or two bellow the belly button is so much better on a hot guy.

        6 years ago at 10:07 am
    2. Lollipopfop

      Wear whatever the hell you want. I threw away all of my fugly low rise jeans shorts pants and skirts last year never to wear them again. High rise does not hide any belly fat. Actually you need a really flat stomach or else it will show, but I have a great waistline. thats why I like them. I do not want my ass to look like a small rectangle. I do not want to wear a mile long shirt to cover my hips. You idiots act like people go shirtless or something. Its not like you see a girls shape in low rise. All you see is a four mile long shirt. I wear crop tops, and no way am I going to wear a crop top with low rise jeans because I am not a whore.
      Besides, high rise jeans are actually just normal jeans. The waist goes to your natural waist. not above it. Low rise is just a fad that started in the early 2000, and it needs to go now. I don’t want to pull up my pants twenty times a day, and I don’t want to wear some ugly ass period pice like low rise jeans.

      7 years ago at 1:21 pm
      1. Hoonz

        Pretty sure you contradicted yourself their… “High rise does not hide any belly fat. Actually you need a really flat stomach or else it will show, but I have a great waistline. That’s why I like them.”

        Secondly, the Highwaisted Shorts from Hell def are NOT normal jeans… I’ve never seen normal jeans have a 9+ inch-long zipper!

        Thirdly, the higher they go the worse they look, and that is usually what the fat chicks do to cover up their fatty fat muffintop. Plus it makes your camel toe frown even wider. Wide camel toes not attractive. If you have a wide camel toe, you’re gonna have a bad time.

        Fourth, wtf are you talking about with the shirts?!

        Fifth, if you wear a crop top with low rise jean shorts you can prove to us that you have a flat stomach and a great waistline. And that you can tell the truth. The whore part we leave up to you.

        And lastly, when this fad goes away in a few years because chicks bring back another ugly fad like Bell-bottom jeans you’re gonna be embarrassed to see the photos of you wearing shorts to cover up your love handles that you keep denying to yourself every time you look in the mirror. “Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t always fool the rest of us. Your fat. Your shorts are ugly. And we’re telling you to stop wearing them and workout. Heed our advice or go buy some cats.

        6 years ago at 9:33 am
      2. miszshai

        Actually I’m tall and curvy high rise pants does cover my love handles but it also define my curves just like high rise skirts on the right body defines curves. The only woman who can pull off low rise and a crop top are thin flat woman who have no dramatic curves. And that girl is right but the high rise pants. If you are fat high rise pants bulges and it doesn’t look good. It takes a flat mid section to rock high rise effectively.

        6 years ago at 2:57 pm
      3. 213Camille

        Oh, you can FUCK YOURSELf. You have no idea what calling a girl fat does to her, and no idea how hard it is to struggle with that idea every day you’re no longer proving a point, just being an ass. Women don’t dress to make stupid frat boys happy, they wear what they want because that’s what they feel confident in. Why would you want to take that away? Besides, some girls are going to have love handles no matter what, and you would complain just as much if you saw those flopping over their low ride shorts. So get over yourself. It’s not about you and what a selfish frat boy wants to see. We don’t live to make you happy. We make choices for ourselves.

        6 years ago at 11:18 am
      4. StarShieldandLamp

        “Women don’t dress to make stupid frat boys happy, they wear what they want because that’s what they feel confident in.”

        Bold strategy, but you may want to rethink it if you ever want to keep a guy around.

        6 years ago at 1:32 pm
      5. chadchad

        well i think it has to do something with the media in our society and the importance that our society puts not only on looking good, but wanting and desiring people to approve of the way you look (desire for approval is human nature). My question is would you want a guy who loves you but doesn’t care about your looks at all?? Like doesn’t care to the point where he never calls you beautiful or says you look good. Ya thats what I thought ya dumb beezy. Human nature is superficial/shallow no matter what gender you are.

        4 years ago at 4:51 pm
      6. emmielmorris

        what if a girl actually respects herself enough to only want decent guys in her life– guys unlike yourself?

        5 years ago at 11:11 am
      7. c-kat

        I’m sorry hun but if you were confident you would not be affected by his words. True confidence cannot be wavered. So……. you are probably not as confident as you think. That can’t come from anyone but yourself.

        6 years ago at 8:04 pm
      8. sdierker14

        Guessing you haven’t grown up in a society that tells you that need to fix your appearance every day in every form of advertising before the age of ten. I’ve seen friends of both genders bullied into depression by words alone, so don’t knock their power.

        6 years ago at 8:47 pm
      9. Averagecollegeguy

        Look…. Just take a good long look. Where are you selling your feminist bullshit? On TFM. The male dominated website about college guys having bro time online. I’m tired of seeing all the stupid bullshit comments posts related to this. Go look at what else is on this site, porn makes your brain function less, half naked chicks and drunk photos. Go spill you shit about how you wear whats comfortable somewhere else. These shorts look absolutely awful, not saying I haven’t hooked up with a chick or two and found these awfuls articles of clothing on the floor, needless to say they ended up in the trash and she walked home with my gym shorts in hand a salty taste in her mouth. They are awful from a guys point of view posted on a guys website. This is my bro talk website and I would like to keep it that way. Take you stupid feminist power ideas and go bother someone else. Or do the world a favor take a picture of your tits and send it to every male other than your family in your phone and read all the positive comments you get. Then you can be happier with your wheight.

        6 years ago at 8:40 pm
      10. wOwza

        “Or do the world a favor take a picture of your tits and send it to every male other than your family in your phone and read all the positive comments you get.” Wow, you really think the only way we’ll feel good about ourselves is if we show our tits? yes, because that’s what we need, to be even more sexualized as we already are. When you have a daughter (that’s if someone actually wants to with you, yeah I’d be surprised too) but if she had low self esteem and body issues, would your advice be “Just go show your tits to every guy you know, maybe you’ll feel better” ? I doubt it. So why don’t you do us a favor and keep your creepy pig mouth shut.

        6 years ago at 10:21 am
      11. Averagecollegeguy

        I will have a daughter in late July actually and she will be confident enough to wear whatever the hell she wants and smart enough to keep her feminist comments to her self if she would like to keep a home.

        6 years ago at 5:52 pm
      12. sdierker14

        “smart enough to keep her feminist comments to herself if she would like to keep a home”

        just letting that sexist bullshit sink in real quick.

        6 years ago at 8:49 pm
      13. sdierker14

        1. being a “college guy having a bro time” should in no way stop you from treating women equally. at all.

        2. your entitled to whatever opinions you want, but don’t expect women to conform to them.

        3. “feminist power ideas” legitimately don’t exist. That’s the opposite of what feminism’s about in the first place. Educate yourself before you sound like a fool.

        4. Proving your sexist attitude right here. Don’t body shame and don’t be such an asshole if you want respect from women in the long run. Lots of us don’t have a high bullshit tolerance.

        6 years ago at 8:44 pm
      14. emmielmorris

        do you realize how stupid it is to assume that a girl you have never seen, do not know the weight, body measurements, and don’t know the body type of is fat? she could look like a model for all you know.

        5 years ago at 11:10 am
      15. sammyw108

        Probably just fat shaming because he has a small dick. Women can and will wear what they want. No man’s opinion will ever matter.
        This article is just one man’s thoughts that no one really has to take to heart…. So don’t.

        6 years ago at 8:28 am
      16. BelowHerBibleBelt

        Jesus, this is the USA and we are all allowed to have opinions. If what is posted on this site pisses you off stay off the site. We don’t need this becoming like TSM with constant left wing attacks in the comments section.

        6 years ago at 9:34 am
      17. CharlieRebelt

        This is more about that kind of comment then the issue on which I am going to stay completely out of…
        http://xkcd.com/1357/
        “I can’t remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; your saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it’s not literally illegal to express.”

        6 years ago at 10:43 pm
      18. Rachelwww

        I’m about as conservative as they come and I think this article is freaking rude and stupid. I don’t wear these shorts but I do wear whatever I want and I wear it for ME not to look sexy for some sweaty, std frat boy.

        6 years ago at 10:43 am
      19. Penut

        Did anyone say that the opinion wasn’t allowed? No. the opinion’s stupidity was pointed out, thats all. And how is this a left wing attack to think high rise shorts look fine? You seem to think that women are wearing them because they want to piss off someone. Which is far from the truth. They are wearing them because they like the look. And they are not doing it necessarily because they just don’t care what men think. They just don’t care what men like you think. want proof? Look at your own wall of sluts on this very site. You will see tons and tons of pictures of women in high rise shorts. Read the comments. Obviously some men out there likes them just fine.

        6 years ago at 10:01 am
      20. mcc070

        I loved reading this article, I love your opinion, however I love high waist jeans. They’re for sure not meant to be worn by everyone, you have to have a specific body type to pull it off, but i do believe they can be pulled off and not only by a model! However go look up high waisted jeans and you are going see that they didn’t lose their ass by wearing that type of jeans, the shorts now a days are just WAY to short and don’t give the chance to any nice booty to be showed off by their shape, instead people are actually showing their ass off when the shorts are so short we start to see the but cheek underneath the short. I personally believe this is the problem in 2014! (and don’t try to bring back low waist jeans, like 2010, I’ve seen enough of but crack for a life time!) Thank you! 🙂

        6 years ago at 7:08 pm
      21. W_asin_Win

        Most would rather see a rather hefty belly covered, than spilling out over the top of pants. And most people with that issue, find it more comfortable not to be cut by a wasitband.
        P.S.- Please make sure you cut them long enough to cover your buttocks when you bend over. Although you may think that is really flirty, it just makes a girl look easy and whorish.

        6 years ago at 10:23 pm
    3. Penut

      Look at the pictures on this very site. The wall of slutty girls pictured has half of them in high rise shorts. So…..

      6 years ago at 10:09 am
    4. W_asin_Win

      The appeal here is that they are cheap and easily obtainable. Honestly, NO style is created for every figure. Higher waist bottoms have a market.

      They work well for women with belly pooch in the abdomen (some have that baby making layer of fat from puberty and some get it with childbirth). Low rise pants cut into the center of that and causes spill over.
      The highrise typically works for someone with an hourglass figure (waist 10-12″ smaller than bust & hips circumference). In which case, go a step further and emphasize your waist even more with a belt or scarf around it!
      The ideal body for high rise shorts is someone with a long torso and legs 1-1/2x longer than the torso.

      If you have a short or average torso, you will look like you’re wear pull ups (if you’re not wearing a shirt out over them). If your legs are too short, they will make you appear shorter and wider.
      If you have a flat bottom, these are not for you (unless, again, you hide your buttocks with an untucked top). Or wear a buttock padded panty-girdle.

      Wearing heels with cut off jeans will give you the look of a hooker. Go with flat sandals. Or tennies.

      6 years ago at 10:20 pm
      1. hmartin

        oh sweetie, you went wrong when you started talking about ideal figures. women are allowed to have whatever figure they want, and can wear whatever the fuck they want. we don’t need to conform to anyone’s standards of beauty as long as we’re happy with ourselves. dont tell women what they can and cant wear. we dont give a fuck what you think we shouldnt wear just because you dont like it.

        5 years ago at 9:56 pm
  6. Clark_W_Griswold

    I may be the only one, but I love high-waisted jean shorts on the right woman. I don’t like that a lot of assless chicks are trying to pull them off, but I love the exceptions to the rule, cuz some girls can really pull them off.

    7 years ago at 2:48 pm