You Weren’t Born In The Wrong Generation

80s

You hear it quite a lot. “I wish I had been alive during the ’60s or ’80s. It was such a better time. I was born in the wrong generation, I guess.” I’m here to tell you that no, you weren’t. Out of all the the things that people frequently say in modern times, this is one that puzzles me to no end. I’ve always been thankful of being alive in this day and age, and I don’t think people realize exactly how fortunate they are that things shook out the way they did. Let’s do a quick breakdown of you existing in other time periods besides this one, and see if you would actually want to do that at all.

1916

So you went back in time and are now alive 100 years ago. Congratulations, you’re fighting in the first World War. You’re halfway across the world, fighting in the trenches against the forces of Kaiser Wilhelm. That sucks. Upon returning, you get to enjoy one of the largest influenza epidemics in history, then have about a decade of fun before the Great Depression. That’s a hard pass for me.

1950s

The 1950s have been romanticized quite a bit in pop culture, but just try to think of what daily life actually would have been like. You’d probably be busting your ass in a manual labor job, and the chances you’d be attending college are much slimmer than they are now. A McDonald’s meal is a quarter of the size it is in the present day. If someone really wanted to get ahead of you badly enough, they could fabricate a whole narrative about how you sympathize with communists. That’s not a good look at all. Besides that, Jim Crow laws were still in effect, and the average household was much less likely to have air conditioning. If you’re 18-22, chances are you’re already starting a family. Fuck all that noise. The 1950s objectively sucked.

1960s

Suppose you were a college student in America in the 1960s and didn’t get drafted to fight in Vietnam. Holy shit, you can do lots of fun things like go to Woodstock! Except that, by many accounts, Woodstock was a total shitshow and wasn’t a great time at all. Plus, you would have to live through some of the most turbulent times in American history, including the sharp economic downturn at the end of the decade. Then you’d have to live through the 1970s when people say that music in this decade was all great and far superior to what we have now. Just remember that the ’60s music you have now has stood the test of time. A large portion of the music that dominated the ’60s was total garbage, like The Archies and similar bands.

1980s

The 1980s are romanticized more than almost any other decade in American history, and it sure did seem to be a lot of fun. I bet a lot of you wish you could have gone to college in that decade, but let’s go through a quick day in the life of your ’80s college self. Look at that, it’s time to register for classes. All you have to do is find the classes you want in a catalog, go stand in line at the admissions office, fill out a form for each course you want to take, and wait a few days for your results. If you can’t get into one of the classes you need, go back every day to check if any spots open up.

After that whole mess, you remember that you’ve agreed to catch a movie with your friends. You head over to the theater to catch Road House. You told your friends to meet you at 6:15, but now it’s 6:28 and you’re not sure where they are. Did they run into traffic? Are they already inside? You have no fucking clue. What about this movie? You’ve heard about it, but you can’t just check your phone to see if it’s any good or not. Thankfully, Road House kicked ass.

1990s

You’re literally wearing a bowling shirt in this decade, you fucking tool. If you’re about to type a reply that you never did that in the ’90s, then congratulations. You’re 35 years old and reading a fraternity website.

2010s

This is absolutely the best time to be alive in all of human history. You can do all your banking, order new clothes, make plans with friends, and have a pizza delivered to your place without moving a muscle. You have access to nearly all of the information that has ever been recorded in human history at your fingertips, at any time. Plus, you live in a day and age where it’s acceptable to fuck around and be single until you’re 30. Find me a better time in history.

  1. Indiana_Bones_Jr

    Yeah but all that stuff in the 80s made you relax and enjoy the ride more and could lead to some situation where you bump into a hot coed who you then bump uglies with

    8 years ago at 10:34 am
  2. UncleJimmy

    Well I’m 58 years old and cook meth in my trailer. What the fuck are you tryna say Cope?

    8 years ago at 10:38 am
  3. Eugenicist at Large

    But think of all the goddamn SJWs and Feminazis we have now. Take me back to a simpler time when a man was in charge of his castle and the yard implements were living.

    8 years ago at 10:40 am
    1. SirCarlosIII

      SJWs and feminazis have no influence in society. They are just there for us to mock and ignore when we don’t feel the need of degrading them more than they do to themselves.

      8 years ago at 11:02 am
    2. Hairy Truman

      But do they really affect your daily life beyond getting irritated when you see an annoying SJW’s posts on facebook? Is it really that bad that you’d rather not have an iphone?

      8 years ago at 11:04 am
  4. SirCarlosIII

    And we are fortunate enough to have the best characteristics of each other era. Freedom thanks to WW1, WW2, Cold War and Vietnam. The values of our parents who were born in the 50’s and 60’s. Racial equality. Only the absolute best music from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. More job opportunities and online porn. What a time to be alive indeed.

    8 years ago at 10:50 am
      1. GeebsNotGeeds

        I’ll give up my iPhone to be back on grandpa’s plantation in it’s prime.

        8 years ago at 3:33 pm
    1. That Last Beer

      Oil embargo, Iranian hostage crisis, Jimmy Carter, terrible economy, rising fear of the USSR, and disco music. No thanks.

      8 years ago at 11:09 am
      1. Brother Gumby

        Not to mention “Still Vietnam but now half in Cambodia for some reason”

        8 years ago at 11:22 am
  5. Gun_Slinger

    We do live in the pussy pinnacle right now. Girls are way better groomed, there aren’t as many social norms holding girls back from giving it up, buttstuff is much more attainable, and the thong hybrid bikini has become an acceptable summer garment.

    8 years ago at 10:59 am
  6. Tysontav

    You forgot to add how soft everyone is nowadays. All you’re worried about is if you can order a pizza while you beat your meat.

    8 years ago at 11:02 am