Your (God Damn) Independent Student Newspaper

If there’s one thing that goes hand in hand with Student Government elections every year, it’s a massive horde of GDIs rushing the polls hoping to take the dominant Greeks out of power. And behind these skinny-jean wearing bongo playing geeds is none other than the campus student newspaper, supporting their idiotic claims.

A little background: today at the University of Florida we have the time-honored tradition of Greeks completely embarrassing the lowly Geed Party in the SG elections. And what should grace the soiled pages of “The Independent Florida Alligator” (our “newspaper”) but a near-endless stream of senseless and factless Greek bashing propaganda.

Check out this article if you don’t believe me. In this highly opinionated piece (which ran on the sports page, for some reason), the author proceeds to accuse Greeks of violating the first amendment, and likens us to a dictatorial empire.

I’m extremely sorry you didn’t get a bid, Mr. Watts, but that does not give you a legitimate excuse to completely shit on the credibility and integrity of your publication. We flip through your “newspaper” on the shitter every morning with hopes of finding out a little about what’s going on in the world, not to hear your pathetic slants and desperation.

You go on to say that “Less than 5 percent of the enrollment of UF is affiliated with a Greek organization, but nearly 100 percent of SG is controlled by fraternities and sororities.” Last time I checked, that was a compliment and not the thinly veiled insult you tried to make it. It isn’t our fault that we’re organized, and can motivate our supporters to actually vote. Maybe if the GDIs on campus would leave the drum circle and put down the bong long enough to fill out a ballot you’d actually have a chance?

If you paid as much attention to reporting the facts as you did tarnishing your journalistic credibility, then maybe your paper’s number one use on campus wouldn’t be kindling for bonfires. It’s about time you took your responsibilities as journalists a little more seriously.

I’m here to tell you why we always win: we are, actually 100% better than you. Our connections far surpass the ones you receive writing for free in the piss-stained rag you pass to the public as “news.” Maybe the reason that we win year after year isn’t because we force pledges to pass out fliers and actually manage to rally our supporters. Maybe it’s because we’re the go-getters on campus, the ones who have actual leadership experience, and the people that will eventually become your bosses.

Actually, scratch that, I would never hire someone associated with something so pathetic.

    1. 247frat

      Will Muschamp declared to all what a GDI he is by endorsing the anti-Greek candidate. Knew it all along.

      12 years ago at 3:20 pm
    2. Will Fratchamp

      Pardon me for not realizing supporting one of my own players in something as trivial as “student government” would cause you to get your panties all in a bunch. So you guys dress up every Tuesday, pretending to be actual senators, just so you can pass resolutions wishing people happy birthday? Cute. Hey, with those skills, maybe one day you can end up working for a REAL US Senator, dusting off picture frames or fetching coffee for the office secretary. Do you think I actually give two Sabans about “student government”?

      Get on my level, ball boy

      BOOM, out

      12 years ago at 5:33 pm
    3. Fratacchiero

      Go write the next obscured, slanted, shitty ass paper known as the Alligator. Go Gators

      12 years ago at 9:13 am
  1. I thought we agreed on “Goodness Dangit Independent” taking the Lord’s name in vain frivolously NF

    12 years ago at 2:04 pm
    1. Sigma_Raw_Dog

      God Damn Independant is the way it will be for generations after us, just like before, hence the tradition.

      12 years ago at 3:44 pm
  2. FaFTexas

    Haha, I knew it was a matter if time before you made an article about this. You were pretty pissed a couple days ago.

    12 years ago at 2:05 pm
    1. StuffFratPeopleLike

      They decided to run even more anti-greek shit since then, they had it coming.

      12 years ago at 2:06 pm
  3. fratanomics

    This article isn’t much better than the one in the UF newspaper. Greeks can and should be able to do a lot better than this article.

    12 years ago at 2:10 pm
    1. Cal_Fratkin_Jr

      This isn’t an article, this is a column. Had the piece of GDI shit that wrote for the paper written a column, it would have been acceptable to be so opinionated. But he wrote an article and had no right being so subjective.

      12 years ago at 3:03 pm
    2. fratanomics

      Whatever, failure of nomenclature on my part. This is a column, and the UF bitch rag shitpile is one too. It says so in the headline. It’s under Sports -> columns.

      12 years ago at 3:12 pm
    3. The Waltz

      Unfortunately, the piece in the Alligator was also a column. An opinion piece. Sure, it was a piece of shit, and was full of logical fallacies, but the author is regrettably entitled to his opinion.

      12 years ago at 5:08 pm
  4. J Fratpont Morgan

    UGA’s campaigns begin next month. I’m just going to be bold and go ahead and bet on the most Greek ticket winning.

    12 years ago at 2:14 pm