28 Reasons Why Your Fraternity Needs A Drone
10 years ago

Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 9.13.15 AM

  1. Recreate the magic of Top Gun by blindfolding a pledge in the middle of a field and seeing how closely you can “buzz his tower.”
  2. Autonomous runs to the liquor store.
  3. Retrieve of all your belongings that crazy shacker stole without actually having to see her again.
  4. Monitor your pledges’ elephant walks around campus remotely to cut down on suspicions of hazing.
  5. The most technologically-advanced beer showers in chapter history.
  6. Finally get the sky-cam that your intramural football games always needed.
  7. Chase out those raccoons Brent habituated to live in your chimney.
  8. Have the ultimate bedside manners by getting Plan B delivered straight to your door without ever leaving your room.
  9. Carpet-bomb rival fraternities with air drops of week-old bean burritos.
  10. Have an “Eye in the Sky” pledge report on foot traffic conditions before your walk to class.
  11. Remotely escort drunk brothers home without ever having to leave the bar.
  12. Fly your flag around campus during rush for extra publicity.
  13. Convince your professors to have class outside. Routinely strafe them while they’re teaching.
  14. Precision-guided beer pong shots.
  15. See how many explicitly inappropriate sexual acts are occurring on your stretch of beach during spring break.
  16. Take your fledgling pharmaceutical business to new heights by delivering your drugs via drone.
  17. Get two and stage dogfights over the front lawn.
  18. Dress up the pledge class like caribou. Select a few to be a “wolfpack.” Have them hunt each other and film it aerially while using narration from Planet Earth.
  19. Convince girls to flash the drone during your fraternity tailgates.
  20. Turn in homework assignments without actually ever stepping foot in the classroom.
  21. Shower sorority events with free condoms falling from the sky.
  22. Indulge your hyper-paranoia by monitoring all visitors to your girlfriend’s house for suspicious activity.
  23. Give your Risk Management chair another reason to binge drink himself into nervous sobbing.
  24. Crash-land it somewhere on campus. Have the pledges stage a shot-for-shot remake of Black Hawk Down.
  25. Convince everyone on campus this makes you top-tier.
  26. Keep tabs on your drunkenly wandering brother as he makes his way to Taco Bell.
  27. Drop “informational flyers” on packs of protesting SJWs consisting of nothing but Donald Trump quotes and American flag lapels.
  28. Capture Scott’s footrace from the police and turn it in to the local news agency labeled “high-speed chase.”
  6. Bing Bong

    You routinely turn in hard copies of homework assignments? Do you go to school in 1979?

    10 years ago at 9:36 am
  8. Keep It Buttery

    I wonder how many ounces of petroleum jelly CatalinaCoke could squeeze into his gaping pooper.

    10 years ago at 9:42 am
  9. DeanAmbrose

    Oh Scott, always running from police. He’s an incorrigible sonofabitch, that one.

    10 years ago at 10:00 am