In Honor Of Flag Day, Here Are 196 Countries’ Flags, Ranked

196. Nepal
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Nepal doesn’t have two nickels to rub together to afford enough fabric to create a proper rectangular flag. This is the safety flag parents put on the bike of their 12-year-old son who still rocks a helmet and never graduated from training wheels. His fellow classmates ruthlessly make fun of his speech impediment and his uncle diddled him in the game closet on more than one occasion. Nepal might as well end it all.

195. France
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194. Japan
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Looks like the used flow pad of the most precise spotting vagina ever.

193. Brazil

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I feel like I caught Zika with one glance at their flag.

192. – 138. Africa
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With mass genocide, disease, and poverty ravaging the entire continent’s population, and the only two viable career paths being child soldier or blood diamond miner, pirating is suddenly not so bad of a stigma to have or flag to fly.

137. Bangladesh
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Christmas Japan minus the cheer, gifts, and Jesus.

136. – 123. Middle East

122. China
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Only their little child labor slave hands could bring the wonders of Apple to life.

121. North Korea
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Would it even shock you if Un actually changed the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s flag to this piece of modern art?

120. Georgia
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You caught me. I tried to slip in the flag of Georgia the state and not the country. But good luck finding anything about that insignificant piece of land other than their inability to steer a glorified sled. Never forget Nodar Kumaritashvili.

119. Switzerland
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Even on their country’s flag, they sit in the middle. Choose a side for me one time, Switzerland.

118. – 90. The Caribbean
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Just when they finally get wifi back up at the community center after four years, they get blasted back to the stone age by another category-5.

89. – 6. Rest of the world not in the top 5
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Notable mentions: Germany 1933-1945, glass bottle Coca Cola, and the Toronto Maple Leafs Heart Disease Awareness alternative jerseys.

5. Saint Pierre and Miquelon
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Now that right there, that’s a thing of beauty.

4. Texas
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3. United States
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Old Glory locks down number three. But what could possibly be better, Dan?

2. The Moon
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The American flag on steroids.

1. Vatican City
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God makes no mistakes.

Images via Shutterstock

  1. VandyConservative

    Fuck off God didn’t design that shitty flag, some dumbass church official did who wasn’t imaginative enough to use the Stars and Bars

    4 years ago at 3:56 pm
      1. The Hacksaw

        It actually got beat out by every single flag on the list, considering you didn’t include it. Leave it to a TFM writer to not know what the Stars and Bars are.

        4 years ago at 4:29 pm
  2. Fraddington_bear

    Did Dorn decide on Vatican City being number one? With the inhabitants of the Vatican having a penchant for young boys, I feel like Dorn had a hand (or fist) in this.

    4 years ago at 4:04 pm
    1. RisingFratstarOfTX

      I’ll only asterisk for the Vatican because if you’re against a Christian principality, you’re a godless heathen. Let’s just call it a tie for first.

      4 years ago at 12:04 pm
  3. BronusWagner

    The France white flag reference is 10/10, but not having the Stars and Stripes #1 is fucking disgraceful.

    4 years ago at 4:20 pm