Morgantown Bans Outdoor Furniture Because WVU Students Keep Burning Them After Games

Morgantown Bans Outdoor Furniture Because WVU Students Keep Burning Them After Games

If you’ve ever been in Morgantown, West Virginia after a big Mountaineer win, then you know that they take their celebrations from 0 to 100 real quick. Mothers lock up their daughters, parents put the kids to bed, doors are locked, and couches say their last words before succumbing to their fiery death. It’s a pretty awesome scene.

Exhibit A – After winning the Big East in basketball:

Exhibit B – After Osama was killed:

Well, here comes the fun police. The town of Morgantown is sick and tired of the kids having their fun, so they are just going to curb the behavior by banning upholstered furniture from being placed on lawns or porches.

From WV Public:

In response to the many street fires following big football and basketball games, Morgantown unanimously passed a law Tuesday, April 7, that bans upholstered furniture outdoors.

Morgantown City Manager Jeff Mikorski said the ban is an attempt to stem the number of fires that often spring up after West Virginia University games.

Seriously, this can’t be that big of an issue, right? I mean, West Virginia has about six big wins a year in both the big sports. According to Mikorski, there have been a substantial number of street fires over the last ten years.

“Over the last 10 years, we’ve had over 3,000 street fires because of the quick ability to bring furniture from porches and put it into the streets and put them on fire,” he said.

It’s not their fault that there is literally nothing to do in West Virginia besides light shit on fire and make moonshine. How else are these kids going to celebrate? You’re only driving them further into the shine business. The good news for students is that a first time offense is only a written citation, with the second offense resulting in a $500 fine. Make that one time count.

Don’t let the man keep you kids in Morgantown down.

[via WV Public]

  1. FGT

    Good luck slowing down WVU kids w/ a furniture ban. This is like the fire department showing up to a forest fire with a squirt gun.

    5 years ago at 4:44 pm
  2. FBR

    It’s a cycle: make moonshine, light shit on fire, fuck your cousin. In that order most days of the week.

    5 years ago at 4:47 pm
  3. artificialheavy

    keep trying, morgantown. we’ll see how your couch laws change things when football starts up.

    5 years ago at 5:14 pm
    1. IlluminatiBro

      I’m sure you have great perspective, probably never having spent a second of your life in West Virginia.

      5 years ago at 12:30 am
      1. FratPrinceOfBelAir

        Spending one second in West Virginia is too much time in West Virginia

        5 years ago at 7:48 am
  4. Slappyhappychap

    This will make things worse. When I was in Morgantown the cops used to wait near the houses that had couches on the porch. Now they will have no idea where they are going to come from. Thanks Morgantown

    5 years ago at 6:05 pm
  5. artificialheavy

    as a side note to the story, the act of lighting shit on fire is “Felony Malicious Burning” and an automatic expulsion from the university if you get caught. you think the kids that do this give a shit about grabbing one from the living room?

    5 years ago at 9:10 pm
  6. FRATTYtaffy

    Typical dumb backwoods wv retard rednecks don’t care about nothing but gettin drunk and lightin shit on fire

    5 years ago at 11:05 pm
    1. BREAUXFRATTER

      “Don’t care about nothing” and we’re the retards. So, where’d you get your education?

      5 years ago at 11:37 pm
  7. WrldClassDadBod

    Won’t help a damn thing. The overwhelming majority student housing isn’t even within Morgantown city limits, they’re basically stopping a bunch of old ladies in South Park from having their rocker out front.

    5 years ago at 7:37 am