The Official 2016 Frat Bracket: Round Of 64

Jared Borislow10 years ago

#1 Chevy Tahoes vs. #16 Fraternity tattoos

Let’s face it: Frat tats only made it to the tourney because they faced the weak-ass pledges in the play-in game. We all know how this one will end up.

[poll id=”42″]

#2 “You up?” texts vs. #15 Bow ties

Bow ties have gone from cool to tryhard reeealll quick. They definitely have their time and place, but so do “You up?” texts — 2:16 a.m. while you’re standing in line at Whataburger — and the latter is way more cool. Nothing makes me want to puke more than a goobsquad decked out in short shorts and bow ties. Fucking yarf.

[poll id=”43″]

#3 Apathy vs. #14 Shower beers

Are you not entirely sure what apathy is? That’s because you were, and are, too apathetic to care to learn, you frat star, you. Everybody loves to bring the pregame to the shower with an ice cold (for one minute) shower beer, so upset alert is on in full force.

[poll id=”44″]

#4 Ray-Bans vs. #13 Jungle juice

At their cores, both of these things are light dimmers: Ray-Bans help you see in the sunlight, and jungle juice helps you black out. But that’s where the similarities stop. Fashion or alcohol? Pick.

[poll id=”45″]

#5 Trust funds vs. #12 Titleist ProV1s

Do you not have a trust fund? Then you might be inclined to go with PV1s. If that’s the only reason why you’re going with the #12 seed, I urge you to reconsider. Jealousy is NF. Try to stay impartial, and simply vote for the most objectively frat things.

[poll id=”46″]

#6 Test banks vs. #11 Beer showers

Honestly, I’m pulling for an upset because I’d love to see beer showers face off against shower beers. Test banks are an inherently frat institution, though. I’m gonna be watching this one closely. Upset alert for sure.

[poll id=”47″]

#7 Not graduating on time vs. #10 Polo Ralph Lauren

Polo’s stock has undeniably fallen these last few years. Let’s see if the time-honored tale of the lazy, drunken fifth-year senior can confirm that notion. I think Polo’s decline started when those awful Polo chest tattoos started popping up, and it has been steadily going downhill since.

[poll id=”48″]

#8 Fraternity probation vs. #9 5″ inseam shorts

Getting put on probation means y’all are a bunch of badasses, but 5″ inseam shorts show that fact to the whole world, not just your university. I honestly have no idea how this matchup will turn out. Real toss up. Great seeding.

[poll id=”49″]