The Official 2016 Frat Bracket: Round Of 64

Jared Borislow10 years ago

#1 Fire vs. #16 Steve Holt

Fuck Steve Holt

[poll id=”50″]

#2 Sperry Top-Sider vs. #15 High crown visors

The relationship between a man and his boat shoes is akin to that of two kindred spirits wandering the forest together on a number of hallucinogenic drugs in search of themselves. Sometimes that exact scenario actually happens, too (or at least you think it does). While high crown visors are a TFM in their own right, I’d be surprised to see the #2 seed fall here.

[poll id=”51″]

#3 Adderall vs. #14 GroupMe

Every fraternity’s got an Adderall guy, the most white collar drug dealer in the game. As far as prescription drugs go, Adderall takes the cake. GroupMe is the pinnacle of fraternity messaging services, though, so let’s see how this one plays out.

[poll id=”52″]

#4 Whiskey vs. #13 Toga parties

Put these two together and you’re gonna have a helluva night. Fun fact: IFC at my school didn’t allow toga parties, either because it was a bad Greek life stereotype or because it was a manifestation of ancient Greek cultural appropriation — both awful reasons. Therefore, I can’t really comment on how fun they are. I’ve heard great things, though. But, I also know great things about whiskey, so I know this one is gonna be a tough matchup for the #13 seed.

[poll id=”53″]

#5 Not pulling out vs. #12 Croakies

The classic battle of “not pulling out” vs. “not falling off.” A true clash of the titans.

[poll id=”54″]

#6 Keystone Light vs. #11 Father owns a dealership

I love “father owns a dealership” as a sleeper in this tournament. It’s a phrase that has fallen by the wayside as of late, but is a frat staple in its own right. Besides, we already know Keystone will lose to Natty if they ever ended up head-to-head, so what’d be the point of moving them along? That’s all up to you guys, though. Just giving my two cents.

[poll id=”55″]

#7 New Balances vs. #10 Holes in the drywall

Frat cruisers are the original fraternity sneaker. Fuck outta here, YEEZY. This battle comes down to fashion vs. power, as nothing says “I am the drunkest guy here” quite like punching a hole in the wall. As Mac from It’s Always Sunny would say, “it’s a dominance thing.”

[poll id=”56″]

#8 Beer pong vs. #9 Dip

Although beer pong is played too many different ways to count, it is, at its core, the best fraternity party game (especially if you play it with the Assassin Rule in effect). Dip, though, puts out this “look how much I don’t care about mouth cancer” vibe that’s about as TFTC as it gets.

[poll id=”57″]