The Official 2016 Frat Bracket: Round Of 32

Jared Borislow10 years ago

#1 Fire vs. #8 Beer pong

Fire faces its first real test of the tournament after demolishing Steve Holt in the first round (who were the 1,274 psychos that voted for Steve???). All analysts are predicting an upset here for 8 seed beer pong, but I’m hesitant to agree with them. Fire is hot, incredibly destructive, and usually started as a result of some careless act. Is beer pong more frat than that?

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#2 Sperry Top-Sider vs. #10 Holes in the drywall

Tens of thousands of Sperry-shaped holes have been put in drywall over the years, so these two opponents are fairly complementary in nature. But, in the end, is it more frat to don the footgear of the privileged, or to use that footgear to cause small-scale destruction? You decide. I’m on upset alert.

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#3 Adderall vs. #6 Keystone Light

Using Adderall to study after blowing off review session after review session to drink alcohol is certainly F. But, in the same vein, so is the alcohol for which you’re blowing off studying — and many times, that alcohol is Keystone Light. While it certainly plays second fiddle to Natural Light, Keystone is a contender in its own right. Even if it can’t pull off the minor upset, it deserves some credit.

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#4 Whiskey vs. #5 Not pulling out

I love this head-to-head. Whiskey, which causes men to have a flaccid penis during hookups and thus preventing insertion, versus not pulling out, the act of your boner overstaying its welcome. Drink too much whiskey and you won’t need to worry about pulling out (because it’ll never be in). Don’t pull out and you won’t be drinking too much whiskey (child support is pretty expensive, I hear). These two do not like each other. This is a fratchup™ to watch.

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